[dreamsofflight]

I posted this in relationships/communication first and got some good answers, but thought I'd post it here, too.

I shut myself away and *one* reason (but it's a big one) is that I know ppl are going to ask me what I *do for a living* right after I meet them. That's just normal social stuff, but since I don't do anything (I'm on SSA disability for Bipolar Disorder) what am I supposed to say? Honesty is not the best policy in this case. So I need help coming up with a lie?? I live in a small community and so far I think ppl think I have money/probably live off alimony. But I want to *put myself out there* FINALLY! And I will have to answer this question. Thanks for helping, guys.

[Psyched]

I wouldn't be concerned about the alimony thing- it's nobody's business. I'd just tell them that I need to take some time to myself for a little while. Honesty isn't always the best policy when meeting new people, & you wouldn't really be lying- you don't want to give people too much info. until you get to know & trust them, esp. if you live in a small community where everyone is going to gossip.

[Vampi]

I'm with Psyched on that. There's no need for 'transparency' when you're just starting out, getting to know people. If you're not comfortable with it, then there's no need to worry about it.

I found that when I was first classed as 'disabled', I didn't know how to tell people either. I started to focus on my hobbies and after a while, when someone asked me what I did for a living, I'd tell them that I'm an artist. If they asked for more information, I just said I was working on 'expanding my portfolio' and left it there.

[Goldylocks]

I'm in agreement also. I wouldn't lie but I wouldn't tell them I was on disability right away either. I would just let them know I am taking some time to myself.

[Anneinside]

I volunteer at a charity so when people ask what I do, I reply "I volunteer at .... " and tell them everything about PCs4People. Before I started volunteering, I had a real problem with that question, "what do you do?" My therapist says as I get older I might just want to say that I took early retirement (I'm 54 with gray hair).

[perpetuallysad]

Tell them you are an artist or a writer...? Journaling is writing, right?

Luckily I have a son so I say "stay at home mom".

[Rebound]

I have what I think is a bad habit of sharing that kind of information.

I appreciate this thread for helping to remind me this isn't always desirable.

[freewill]

i agree, to the fullest. Moment u say. I get ssi. They will back up and say dont talk him he crayz. And people over analyze you and put u under a microscope. And that'll make you more anger/ more depressed. Let them get to know you. Even after 7months don't say anything.

[Anneinside]

You could also answer that you aren't working right now but then describe what you used to do.... "I'm not working right now but I used to work as a secretary doing..." So many people are out of work now it isn't a surprise to others.

[NOCtodeath]

It's okay to tell people not, but not working has a huge negative connatation next to having a low-paying job. Do what suits you you aren't working right now but then describe what you used to dojust an ANNEINSIDE said

[dj586858]

Hmmm...I haven't faced that problem. I am pretty open about my illness, it is a big part of my life and who I am. You could tell them that you aren't working right now due to some medical issues or just not working right now and leave it at that. As someone said, many people are out of work these days. Since being out of work can be such a sensitive subject for anyone, that would probably make them so uncomfortable they would move on to talk about something else.

[justaSeeker]

I do realize that the work question is standard socialization. But there is nothing that says you must answer their (somewhat nosy annoying) question.

One reply that you might consider in reply is "Why do you need to know?"
Another response from you might be "I've never defined myself by my work/job.

[grizmom]

My social worker suggested I say "I have an independent income" If they ask what that means, just laugh and say "REALLY long story, I don't really like to talk about it"

Hope that helps...

[Eloise42]

I have a job I have to be coy about. It isn't illegal, but it isn't anything my parents can brag to their friends about. I actually haven't decided whether I want to "come out" here yet...

ANYWAY my point is a lot of the times I'm asked what I do I don't want to answer. I've lied but it gets tricky and doesn't feel right.

You can be honest and tell people what you DO, they don't need to know where you get your money from or why. You are a mom, that is a job and a pretty important one (if not THE most important). Anyone who says being a parent isn't a real job deserves an earful.

Sometimes I deflect and talk about about one of my weird hobbies ("well, lately I've been at the archery range almost every day...") until they forget what they originally asked.

[venusss]

In this day, if you say you are not working at the moment, it will not suprise anybody.

[justaSeeker]

Originally Posted by dreamsofflight

I know ppl are going to ask me what I *do for a living* right after I meet them. That's just normal social stuff, but since I don't do anything (I'm on SSA disability for Bipolar Disorder) what am I supposed to say? I will have to answer this question.

Isn't it a shame that folks tend to define themselves by the work/job they have? Which brings me to one reply that you could give the when you are asked that question.
Just tell them " I don't define myself by my work/job"

Just who says you have to answer that silly inane question anyway? So, another response might be "Why would you ever need to know such a thing?"

[WendyAussie]

I'm in exactly the same situation, although the issue you raised hasn't come to a head quite yet because I've been too sick to socialise and most of the people I see in any given week are medical doctors and specialists, psychiatrist, 2 psychologists and then mental health group meetings/presentations of different subjects. If I go to the local theatre for a show or to the cinema, it's always alone. The family in the twon I live in have been dreadfull about spreading gossip about me and I am moving to a new town shortly.

And that's where I will come up against exactly what you are dealing with. I'm just starting a part time Uni course so if I am able to continue with that, I will be saying "I am studying". But I'll also just say to people "I'm not working right now". Bang that's it. If they ask for further information I'll just say, "Let's wait to get to know each other better". I've suffered so badly from the small town gossip syndrome that I don't want it to happen again.

[RRU96]

Well... As of right now, I have not filed for disability. The intake nurse the other day (nurse practitioner) actually said that he feels I should be able to apply for it. When that day comes I would like to think that I will know exactly how to deal with that situation.

I am a caregiver currently... so that is my current answer.
But like others have said.... if you have kids... your a stay at home mom. If you broke your computer and are trying to fix it you have become an IT specialist. If you now have a Dish Network DVR and dont know how to work it, become a television technician.

When we are kids we want to be an Astronaut, Ballerina. We grow up with visions of flying to the moon, of dancing at Julliard. While we never may BECOME that Astronaut or Ballerina, those moments are still within us.

Just tell them... You want to be a Fireman when you grow up. This will more than likely make them laugh being that they see us as grown up... and it becomes a great way to steer the conversation into a direction YOU choose. Conversation Manipulation is a great skill to learn.

Me, I wanna be a Fisherman when I grow up

Our LIfe is a Job, Whether we get paid for it or not is a different matter.

[HereIamBp]

I live in a small town also. I tell people I'm a housewife. Maybe you can tell people you are currently between jobs.

[WendyAussie]

All such great suggestions!! RRU96 - you're a hoot!! I'm a short fatty - five foot one and a bit of a rolly polly - although I've recently lost 10kg. So I want to say I'm a Ballerina and see what people say??!! lol

HereIamBp - I absolutely LOVE the between jobs idea. It's true and it is a great one to stop them in their tracks, and doesn't get their attention - it's a mild response. But I won't tell them I'm THREE YEARS between jobs! lol

[RRU96]

Regardless of what you say, 99% of the people wont know, wont care, wont go seeking you out. They ask it because... its what people do.

#1 Tip: Put the word "FREELANCE" in front of your favorite hobby. Cant go wrong. If you like it already, you can B.S. your way through any questions they have

[Perna]

When I didn't work, I'd answer that I was working on "personal projects". Depending on the person (how much I liked them versus whether I felt they were just nosy/bored/asking to be asking) I'd answer something like, "I'm independently wealthy" :-) and just do the self-employed route. If you have interests, just grab one of them and be "working" in that field; you are, technically :-)