[meApe]

Something happened today. My wife wasn't feeling well and she stayed home. I encouraged it. However, she did call work and see how it was doing. She called and talked to the one person on this earth that I hate the most. I didn't get upset. I did start asking a lot of questions, but I didn't yell. I didn't start the wild accusations. Usually I would have let dogs go and trampled her into the ground. Not this time. This time I didn't raise my voice once. This time I didn't fly off the handle. For once in my miserable life I feel I really deserve a good job, but damn it if she's going to give it.

I have consistenly gone nuts and emotionally beat her to a pulp. I understand that she was expecting a fight. She called and started yelling and I maintained. If only I could tell her how much I hurt and how I want to talk to her. She is hurting very bad and this time wasn't like normal. If only I could show her.

It is an everyday battle to maintain in some instances. How can I prove? That I am changing and getting better.

I'm still happy and claiming this as a victory. Maybe this belongs in the kudos but I don't think so.