[AShadow721]

My friend is bipolar and she just recently left her husband of almost 4 years (they were together for about 6 years) for a woman. Her husband was treating her badly. He was very emotionally abusive. She went to college and got a degree, but he had her be a house wife. She would cook home made dinners from scratch and do house work. This was his culture for her to do this, but he would call her lazy and didn't appreciate her. During her manic periods, she drinks a lot and does drugs. She also does side jobs, not a regular job, her husband disapproved of this greatly, he wanted to control all the finances. Well, now she's only been with this woman for a while, but she's not happy with the physical aspect of the relationship. She's confused about whether she enjoys being with a woman or not. I think she only liked her at first, because she respected her more than her husband did. Now her relationship with her girlfriend is falling apart and she's suicidal. She posted a suicide note on Facebook and Myspace. She said she's all alone and no one wants to be with her, because she's a b----. She said she hopes to see her dad soon. Her father pasted away a few years ago. I told her I'll always care about her and there are plenty of people that would love to and feel lucky to be with her because she's a beautiful woman and I love her. But I don't know what else to do. How can I help her?

Give her the numbers to suicide hotlines and nearby hospitals. If you really think this is an immediate danger, call 911 and ask them to do a check on her. They'll be sure she gets to the hospital if there is danger.

[RRU96]

Just remember. This is great advice, but she may resent you for it. It is hard, but you are being there for her when she needs it. When she pulls through this phase, if it isnt to late, she will eventually realize the care you showed, and will be thankful. Just dont expect to see ANY kind of gratitude.

As for being with a woman, leaving her husband, etc... its in the past. That is one of the issues with Bipolar. Risky behaviours, sexual partners, etc. The thing to remember is focus on the here and now. Regardless of what wrongs were done to her in the past, if she doesnt get help in the here and now, it wont matter.

On top of the advice, it might be an idea to let her know that you care about her, and have actually met MANY people on this site that can relate first hand to what she may be going through. Sometimes when you get into those suicidal states, you feel that you are alone, that nobody else can understand what you are going through. Low and Behold... this is obviously not the case.

Take care of your friend, and make sure you continue to take care of yourself. Sometimes we forget our own health when we get wrapped up in the problems of others.

[AShadow721]

I have Major Depression, so I can understand the suicidal ideation. I just never really felt manic, so I know I don't understand half of what being bipolar is like. I feel like she's had the biggest manic episode of her life and now she's crashed. She's doing better now a lot of her other friends reached out as well. One of them told her to remember how she felt when her father passed and that all of us, her friends and family would feel that same and that really hit her. She is very thankful, but she said she's still having a breakdown and she needs all the help she can get. In the past, when she would go into her depressions, I would just tell her I'm here if she wants to talk. But now I just want to talk to her instead of waiting on her to talk to me about it first. I just don't know what to say. I can see the no gratitude/resentment thing all the time and that's what makes me not know what I should say sometimes.

[RRU96]

There is always the... Make her answer approach.

Do you need me to call someone ?

Would you like me to find doctors that might help you ?

Would it upset you if I called you on my lunch break ?

Do you want to go and do something silly this weekend ?

Will you check out this website I found ?

Offering specific help might give her ideas on what she can do to get help herself. Of course, going overboard with it and being stuck up someones backside can cause just as much harm as good. You seem to understand all of that.

[grizmom]

Originally Posted by AShadow721

She posted a suicide note on Facebook and Myspace.

In this case, I would contact the police and have them intervene. There is a big difference between saying "I wish I was dead" and "I am going to commit sui". If she has stated that she plans to attempt sui, the police need to be involved asap. She might hate you...but what is more important; the friend or the friendship?

Best of luck...it sounds like you are a great friend; remember to take care of yourself as well!!

[Eloise42]

I'm a control freak who is bad about minding her own business. If it were me and she expresses suicidal intentions again I would drive over to her house with a movie and junk food and stay there until I felt like it was okay to leave.

Sometimes it's easier for us to interact with each other indirectly. I learned this from my younger cousins with Asberger's syndrome. If you are just putting on a movie your friend has the option of either talking about how she feels or just knowing that you are there.

[AShadow721]

Thank you Eloise, your post made me laugh. Yes we could watch a movie together, that's a good idea.

[WendyAussie]

I would err on the side of caution and call the Police - I have had her mindstate, there was no intervention and I tried to end my life and came so close to succeeding - 5 day coma, nearly passed many times. She is being explicit about her intentions and I would take her seriously. She can be forced to take hospital care - that saves people's lives every day.

If she survives and has a resentment against you, so be it. It's a life-saving situation.

Don't worry about her relationship with the woman - she can sort out her sexuality when she is well enough - it's the last thing to be worrying about it right now.