[AmadeusApple]

Has anyone ever had the feeling that they're weak for not being able to control their bipolar on their own?
I feel that way all the time, I feel that I shouldn't have to take medication for just some "brain issue," or "bad circuitry."

A lot of the time, I let my prescriptions lapse because I don't want to fill them, since having to have them makes me weak.
And when I do, then I'm fine for a while.
And then it gets out of my system and I'm not fine.
And then my mom notices (not only does she have to take care of her own bipolar, but she has to keep a watch on my impulsive nature when it comes to my medication) and has me fill the prescription.

><
It frustrates me.
I've sure gone on a wild posting frenzy since joining...

[Yoda]

No, I think of my meds for my bipolar in the same ways as needing meds for my hypertension and asthma and hypothyroidism.

[AmadeusApple]

That's what my mom keeps telling me, but I have a difficult time grasping it for some reason.

btw, that "nao cat" as I'll call him = adorable.

[catrules]

I get what you are saying. I always take my meds, but sometimes forget for a bit. I feel weak when I can feel that I have not taken them. I hate that I have to have something to make me feel "normal"

[grizmom]

If you get dehydrated and need to drink water to get your body back in balance, do you feel guilty? It's the same thing to me...

[AmadeusApple]

I think it's even more frustrating when it's supposed to be making feel "normal," but it doesn't quite.
Lately that's been the case for me, and I have to go, "Why should I take these if they aren't even helping?"
But then if I let one lapse for a week or so, it hits me (and everyone around me) that they actually are helping.

Then the cycle just starts over again, "Why the heck should I have to take these to be normal?" Lapse. "WHY ARE YOU IN MY FACE?!"
You'd think it'd make me not want to let my medication lapse, but I still do. I haven't quite been able to accept that it's just another medical condition that needs medication, like diabetes or high blood pressure.

[AmadeusApple]

Originally Posted by grizmom

If you get dehydrated and need to drink water to get your body back in balance, do you feel guilty? It's the same thing to me...

It's good to see the comparisons that people that don't feel weak have.
It's helpful.

[Dave255]

Originally Posted by AmadeusApple

That's what my mom keeps telling me, but I have a difficult time grasping it for some reason.

btw, that "nao cat" as I'll call him = adorable.

It takes great strength to do something that is in your best interest when you really don't want to do.

[sugahorse1]

You need to look after yourself - those meds are a part of who you are. I don't feel guilty for needing them - rather I am glad I have a "crutch" to help me deal with my BP.

[Fire_Star]

I like to look at it this way. The medication I'm taking is due to 100s of years of bright people - doctors, scientists, nurses, caretakers and patients - discovering how they can help to improve others quality of life.

The meds are there to assist you to be your best the same way some people need meds for any other illness or medical devices. To accept treatment for an illness that's still heavily stigmatized in society shows your strength to keep going, it doesn't show you to be weak. You should feel proud of yourself, you're doing a good thing for yourself and you deserve the best.

[AmadeusApple]

^_^ Thanks everyone.

Originally Posted by Fire_Star

To accept treatment for an illness that's still heavily stigmatized in society shows your strength to keep going, it doesn't show you to be weak.

This is really the oddest part, I'm pretty much oblivious to the fact that there's stigma most of the time and I openly will talk about my bipolar.
But yet I gripe and have issues with the medication part of it? It's odd.

Everyone brings up some good stuff. Here's an experience to consider (yeah, I'm <cough> quite a bit older than you.. ). I *used to* very much feel weak for my moods/behavior before I was properly dx'd and medicated. We're talking like 30 years. Could NOT understand why I couldn't "just" do like other people and have more control over these things. Surely, it must have been "personal failings", as everyone who wanted to sweep it all under the rug and ignore it suggested. When it was finally figured out that it was bipolar, it was such a relief to know that it wasn't just me and that there was something I could do about it. Medicate. It's not perfect, but it's a *whole* lot better than it was. Most importantly, it made me feel _strong_ enough to deal, a good part of the time anyway, with things. That I don't feel so much at the complete mercy of my wiring, you know? Weak for needing medication? No. Just damn glad it exists.

[Perna]

Speaking of old people (Innerzone :-) I'm getting on in that direction, am retired and have a bunch of stupid chronic stuff that I'm trying to accept. Health is becoming, for me, a part of a lifetime continuum; the medicines I take now have to do with this particular body and how it functions in total. I'm beginning to see it's not the whole of me and that just as my thinking/feeling head and heart have changed over time and with good therapy, so my body is changing over time because of wear-and-tear and it's own genetic issues?

You said your mother is bipolar too, if I had to invent an excuse to take my meds, I'd "blame" it on my genes/ancestors :-) Then it would just be like any other medical inheritance such as high blood pressure, etc.? Think of it as a body or medical thing instead of a mental, head, brain problem. Most people aren't that invested in their bodies other than for "looks". Think of all the things your body does right/well; you're ambulatory aren't you? Think how useful that is :-) If you don't have breathing problems, I envy you there; I've had enough asthma issues to feel wary and anxious enough to not take breathing for granted.

But think about that; how absurd is it not to be able to breathe? It takes no thought, should be automatic and yet I sometimes fail at it :-) We like to think our moods and thoughts and feelings are under our control but they're all really like breathing or dreams; our body is doing its thing the best that it is able; and that's a good thing, that we can't control it, because we'd make a mess of it for sure?

[AmadeusApple]

Originally Posted by Perna

You said your mother is bipolar too, if I had to invent an excuse to take my meds, I'd "blame" it on my genes/ancestors :-)

I've been known to that.
All things considered, it's pretty easy to blame ancestors when your mother's father was a bipolar alcoholic that bought random people cars on his last manic episode (before he died, that is).