[Eloise42]

I got a disturbing piece of information about myself recently. Apparently right before I was diagnosed and the only medication I was on was an ineffective dose of Remeron I threw an ashtray at my ex.

I don't remember this at ALL, I don't even remember having the ashtray. Frankly I'm having a hard time believing I did it. I wasn't on the memory-zapping pills then, or drinking heavily. I am not a physically violent person at all, and the few times I have hit other people (self-defense in a bar and my gigantic brother ONE time) I remember it very clearly.

That period of my life was the most anxiety-ridden and neurotic I've ever been, pretty much everything gave me a panic attack. I just can't see myself doing something so awful.

[Fire_Star]

I've had blackouts but from what I've been told, I'm usually doing something that'll harm me and not others apparently. Prior to being diagnosed I was slipping into lala land and doing weird ****. One time I just suddenly collapsed out of the blue and was speaking gibberish for hours. I have some vague memories but most of the time my boyfriend has to fill me in. He says I was psychotic and he couldn't get through to me. And around this time I was the same as you, panic attack over everything. Being outside in the city was terrifying.

I'm pretty sure I haven't had a black out episodes since getting on meds so far... at least no one has mention anything that I can't recall happening. :/

[BNLsMOM]

There are arguments I had in rages that I don't remember and people have told me about them.