[WendyAussie]

I have Bipolar and panic and anxiety disorders and I'm also an 11 years sober alcoholic.

I'm in Grace because I am sober, but I am in Grace because AA has taught me so much and by living the AA way of life I have also been led to therapy and they are complimentary, especially with the inventory process and the lifestyle of being rigorously honest with myself and others (as much as this flawed human can be)

I have been struggling with a life issue for many months - my inability to handle the extremely dysfunctional nature of the University where I have started studying off campus, and my own contribution to the situation, which is mental illness and an inability to handle complicated stress - and my inability to change the nature of other people, even if their actions are irrational, unfair, inconsistent etc.

I completed the first subject and did well and passed (it's just pass or fail). But doing the next subject has been a whole other deal and the Uni was supposed to facilitate me to give me pathways do it, but wouldn't and, along with a whole retinue of strange dysfunction since I started enaging with the Uni 6 months ago, I was getting sicker and sicker everyday. It had turned from fun into torture.

So, after suffering for months in trying to adjust myself around their dysfunction, I've decided to defer and go back next year and I've been advised the subject I have completed will be recognised. There are complex financial things to deal with now, but with a "go to any lengths" attitude, none of that matters.

This has been such a huge surrender for me - I am trying to re-build a life and believe me, it's no mean feat. I tried to go back to my career last year at a lower level and part time, but that career is very stressful, deadline driven and not for me anymore. But I'm glad I tested that pathway as I would have always wondered.

So, after surrendering, I am a happy camper today, although I have to watch for my traditional drop into dangerous Bipolar Depression, but I am in good hands with my mental health team.

So, I would highly recomment surrender - it works in all life situations and scenarios, the first being the surrender with the battle with booze 11 years ago and then for infinite other things.

[shaggy dog]

11 years is a long time WendyAussie, congratulations. Thank you for sharing through your post. It's good to hear that you are at peace with the decisions you've made. You have an indomitable spirit that is refreshing to see. I am so glad you have a good support system for yourself in your mental health team. I'm just not quite sure what you mean by surrendering though. It sounds like a good concept since it is working so well for you and I may like to apply it to some of my situations so if you could would you explain to me what you mean. thanks shaggy

[Skully]

Wow 11 year sober congrats!!! Good for you for taking steps in getting your life back together. It will take time but with support of friends, family, and your mental health team you can do it!!!

[WendyAussie]

shaggy, surrendering is s term used in AA for "throwing in the towel" or "putting up the white flag", an utter deep conviction that alcohol has me beat and that trying to drink will always get me in big trorble (which it REALLY did - I was a blackout drinker for 18 years and I have a HUGE genetic inheretence of alcoholism and it was in my horrifc upbringing - and I have MANY family members who have died from it). In our society we are taught never surrneder - fight to the death for what you need (even if the fight ends uo destructive to omes self - and we can do this even in the act of trying to get sober with out a 12 step program, but saying surrender is the right way to go sounds counter-intiuitive, it certainly did for menr when I Started in AA. Then I was told (about agazillion times, "Surrender to Win" and that means if I throw in the towel and admit I am powerless over alcohol, I am on the road to recovery. JUst stop fighing it

And this concept of surrender applies in all ares of life. If there is a situation, like this one with the Uni, that I have struggled to adapt myself to the dysfuntion of the organisation but it's not working, and not over a period of time, surrendering to the fact that the situation is untenable and going back later is the most strategic thing thing to do to protect myself - and that will enable me to be more robust when I do go back. I hope that explains it, ask anything else if you wish.

[shaggy dog]

Hi WendyAussie, Thank you so much for the clarification, you are a very remarkable, well thought out person. I'm glad we've had this conversation, I feel very enriched by it. I didn't mean to pry though, it's just that I've never heard the AA Surrender to Win mantra before. Now that I am aware of that strategy I can begin to apply it to some of my issues. Thanks again, shaggy