[sugahorse1]

just don't know what I feel right now; but I feel lonely.
think i'm really battling with connecting with people emotionally. I love them (well, in this case my boyfriend and family) but I cannot connect emotionally. I still feel empty all the time.
Plus my mania is coming to an end so I'm very irritable. Feeling down and hollow, a bit teary and just generally emotional. Time for a Clonazepam?

[allme]

((((((sugahorse))))))))

Big hugs to you! Sorry you're feeling this way.... its never a dull moment is it?? I too get to where you speak of and yes it can be a very lonely place but remember... you are not alone! Maybe it's time to speak to pdoc?

It's hard, I know but you are not alone... you never need to feel alone. Try to take it easy and pamper yourself a little

[sugahorse1]

pdoc has just put me on new tabs a week ago...

[sugahorse1]

hate this, hate this... can it end now...??? PLEASE. I'm NOT the strong one - not the one that takes well to beindg dealt this. And Clonazepam is not helping to pull me out of this. Not that it necessarily should, but I'm clutching at straws

(((((((sugahorse)))))))
Sending hugs to you, and wanting you to know that you are not alone. As allme said, try to take it easy during this difficult time. There will be good days and bad days, but it's worth the battle.

[Trippin2.0]

You'll get through this

[sugahorse1]

i just really want to get home. 2 anti-anxiety meds to try let me rather not feel anything has not really helped. Leaving work slightly early as I have something on.

[Trippin2.0]

Good luck sweetypie
XOXO

[mommasuesue]

I'm feeling the same way today we can do this together !

[sugahorse1]

i actually would be OK if i was just stable (yes, I realise this is a BIG dream right now unfortunately!)

[sugahorse1]

Depression is arriving with a vengeance - please HELP!!!

[Trippin2.0]

Oh suga my friend, I'm sorry you're in such a bad space, I don't know what to say except that I'm here for you

You'll get through this, and we're all here for you, cheering you on!

[Shakti]

Sometimes I find the clonazepam actually makes the sense of disconnectedness worse. I used to love taking it, probably for the same reason many newly diagnosed (as I was back then) people love it--that floaty feeling, the lifting of that heavy weight, the ease of movement internally and externally, not thinking overthinking thinking overthinking...

But now? Now I avoid it whenever I can because I think it makes me feel worse in the end. Instead of floaty I now see it as numb. Instead of ease, i see it as a precursor to having to feel down when it wears off. And while I feel it connects me because it allows me to smile and sometimes speak, it's not real and the disconnection from people never leaves me.

I don't even know why I just went on and on about that. Maybe just because I've been thinking about this a bit myself lately. I truly wish I could connect better (or at all) with people. I do ok in writing and online and I have 2 or 3 actual live humans in my life, but I'm just unable to do it, even though I want to and even crave it. Like you said, I love them, I just am missing some essential emotional connection. I feel it, but it's like a synapse of physical expression is missing. God, I hate when I can only express myself metaphorically. It makes me feel inadequate, as if I simply don't have enough words to use.

And the switch off between phases, especially when irritability plays into it...ugh...I feel for you, Sugahorse. That's the worst. Irritability is the hallmark of the coming and goings of all of my phases and it's exceedingly unpleasant.

And now depression is here to pay you a visit. Whomever designed our brains did a pisspoor job, I must say. It's just not right.

[sugahorse1]

the clonazepam makes me numb - I've never been lucky enough to experience the floaty feeling.