[Fire_Star]

My family still is unaware that I have bipolar. I still live at home with them and want to tell them about it but have no idea how to. Just kind of tired of keeping a secret. Any suggestions?

[Fresia]

My family had known about my struggles for years so when I actually was diagnosed, it was a relief for them when I told them. To them, it meant a definite course of treatment and hope.

This is how a good friend approached her folks when she moved back home after living away for years and they did not know. Perhaps this will help:

She let them know she needed to talk to them and started out by discussing and pointing out her symptoms, "you may have seen this, this and this with me..." and led into getting how she was getting help for them with a physician and therapist, and then into her diagnosis. She handed them a print out of factual information about BP to read, later and so any preconceived notions about it could be disspelled. She told them she appreciated their support and if she needed help she would let them know, but at the time everything was under control with her, her doc, and T. She ended by asking if they had any questions.

More than likely, they have seen the symptoms and will be relieved about your getting help.

I really wish you the best in our 'coming out'.

[Fire_Star]

My family has a very 'pull yourself up by the bootstraps' way of seeing things. When I was teenager and tried to explain something was wrong, and my school tired too, they didn't take it seriously and mocked me over it. So I'm worried they'll still feel the same way about 'me+MI' = no way in their minds.

I do like how your friend approached it through. Maybe it'll work that way.

[Fresia]

My family is like that too and I am actually the "lesser" child with my BP unfortunately. Some times I wish they didn't know but I could not hide it from them. However, I know I have to do what's right for me no matter what they think. Meds and therapy are pulling yourself up however.

Not everyone tells their families. Are you looking for support? Do you feel like you're hiding it from them?

I have a friend who decided not to tell is family; he saw that it would not bring them closer or help him for support as he knew he would just be criticized and it would cause an even greater divide in his family. He feels very positive in this decision. It does not affect his relationship with them being none the wiser, neither does his brother. His sister knows and some friends know and are very supportive.

I'm not saying this is the case for you but in helping you decide how you want to tell them, look at why you want to tell them so you can get out of the interaction what you need and benefits the relationship. You have to do what's right for you and that empowers you in your environment, treatment, and life.

[Amandas256]

My family doesn't believe in mood disorders. They think that it is just something that a person can use as an excuse. My family knows that I'm bipolar but, I still get told that it's in my head and that there is nothing really wrong with me. As a matter of fact, I'm living with my sister for 60 days (20 down so far,YEA!) and she has been tryig to get me off some of my meds and gets mad that I'm depressed! It can be a tricky decision to tell your family. I wish I wouldn't have because I knew how my family was before I told them. Is your family open minded about things? If so, I would tell them. They can be a great resource if they are understanding.

[Fire_Star]

I'm not sure how open minded my family is. I think I mainly want to tell them so that they don't find out from other sources. I have a few friends that know and my boyfriend at the moment. They pretty much found out after I had a psychotic breakdown while I was staying away from home. If that happens again while I am at home, I'd rather they don't find out because I'm in crisis. I'd also like to speak out more about BP and MI in general but feel gagged as it would increase the risk of my family finding out from other sources which would probably piss them off.

[bmx35]

Dear Fire Star...you've said you are tired keeping it a secret...I have found that being open about my bipolar is actually healing. When they ask, I tell them it is caused by imbalance in the brain...though seen behaviorally, it has a biological cause therefore I need to medicate. I treat it like asthma or diabetes. I believe your family will also like being educated about it so giving information like that done by Fresia's friend may be much appreciated. It does not matter to me anymore how others react but so far, the response I have received is positive. Good luck to you...

Fresia makes a good point -- the thing it mostly really comes down to is what outcome you might expect from it. If the balance can be expected to be generally positive, do it. If the balance is very likely to be negative, you may not want to. Or wait to. Living at home obviously impacts this decision. You may find the timing better for you at a point you are not living there.

I've got a different situation in that I live far far away from all family and have for many years. Was interested that you brought this topic up, because as it happens, I just told my Dad (hehe, on Father's Day...). Don't talk to him often, but usually at length. The timing/conversation just never felt right. Until the other day. The conversation was revolving around how people are all different and learn in different ways and that variety is a good thing, because if we were all the same it'd be pretty boring. Good time, yeah? He was TOTALLY COOL about it!!! What a relief it was! I kind of thought he would be, or at least not antagonistic, or I wouldn't have. (Which is why my mother doesn't know. I barely speak with her and don't need the aggravation.) My sister was the only relative that knew before that. They're still the only 2, but living so far away and not interacting with any of the relatives, it's really not as issue.

Still, I very much understand your trepidation considering being under the same roof. Have spent lots and lots of time living in very small towns, soooo...as a neighbor used to put it, "Everybody knows your business before you're even back to your door." I was far more afraid of repercussions there, even while feeling badly about not speaking out about it.

You say you're tired of keeping this secret. Sooo, perhaps waiting for a good conversational moment *and* making a point of letting them know that you care enough about their feelings that you don't want them finding out from someone else, may help make them more receptive if and when you decide to tell. Good luck!

[Fire_Star]

That great to hear about you father being cool with it, Innerzone.

Yeah, it's a bit timing I guess. Yet to come along to the right moment. I might find a good book of factsheet to keep handy then too.

Before I didn't like the idea of telling them while I lived here but them knowing would probably prevent most of the stressful and angry confrontations that happen so I'll see.

Though, I was watching TV with my dad last night and a show had a report on the government ignoring mental health in the new health reforms. My dad seemed to be pretty annoyed with the system so I guess that's a sign that he does take mental illness seriously. That made me feel a bit better. Yay.

Hehe, yeah. And he's old. On both genetic sides, there's plenty of evidence of, shall we say... "troubles". One side is big into denial... "Everything's just peachy Norman Rockwell-esque here!" And the other, to which he belongs, is more, shall we say... accepting of the human condition. Not dx'd or admitting even, but accepting. It's so good that you sensed this from him! Yay indeed! I'm sure the right opportunity will present itself to you.
One book that I like (not just borrowed from the library and read, but actually *own*) is Bipolar for Dummies (Candida Fink MD and Joe Kraynak). Something about its tone is just more readable and... I don't know, just a bit better sense of humor... not quite as clinical and more understanding and less detached in tone than many. Maybe you can check it out of your local library and see what you think. Wishing you the best of luck!

[Eloise42]

It sort of sums up what other people are saying but go into it with low expectations and you can't be disappointed. My mother still cycles through her denial about me being bipolar but I just stay calm and stick to my guns. I basically say "this is what makes sense to me and a multitude of mental health care professionals happen to agree".

Then whatever happens make sure you can run back to a friend who DOES support you and your diagnosis.

[NuckingFutz]

Best to lean on the medical side of it. "I have a chemical inbalance in my brain and this is how it works...(pick your fav book/website/brochure but keep it general). Keep them medically oriented. Diagrams are good tools for this. Then tell them a little about your treatment plan. Then just say that you wanted to let you know. If they get into all that stigma stuff say fine. Was just letting you know. You can't really know what the outcome will be, but your objective was an informative one not a confrontational one. Good luck with this!

[Fire_Star]

Innerzone - I've notice a few people recommend that book on few communities. Will check out when I get the chance. My boyfriend asked me what a good book to read was and I was like, 'errrr, I don't know' so I might make him aware of it too.

Eloise42 - Well, my boyfriend totally supports me so I know I have him to back me up if things are ever not working out.

[Fire_Star]

NuckingFutz - Cheers. Yeah, I'll do that. I think my mum will get confused pretty easily, as she usually does with all things, so it's going to be fun breaking it down for her. :/

[NuckingFutz]

Keep it simple at first. Go slow. Let her ask questions. Ie you do not know you can look it up together. Iope I am on the right track.

[BlackPup]

I didn't tell my parents for a couple of years. I don't really know why... When I did, I just told my mum "you know how I've been a bit depressed... well i've been diagnosed as bipolar" answered her questions how do you get it... "no its not yr fault" what can you do "drugs" etc for about 2 mins then changed the topic and haven't talked about it since.
It really does depend on what you want from them, what kind of response are hoping for / dreading.
Good luck