New bipolar person

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I am freaking out. Due to some recent talks with my husband and reading on bipolar behaviors, I believe I suffer from Bipolar Disorder. I have so much of the signs/ symptoms I keep reading about. I see my primary care physician in August and I plan to ask him to recommend a Psychiatrist/Mental Health professional that can test me somehow and let me know if I do have it or not. But I am definitely freaking out. I feel like crying and get a knot in my throat every time I think about it. I am obsessing really. My head is just running with so many thoughts and I am worried cause I have 3 kids. It worries me that I might pass this on to them and I definitely can't talk about this with family or my husbands' for that matter. Even if I do get diagnosed with it. They are way too judgemental(my husbands' fam.) My family will think its nonsense for me to think I have a mental disorder. But the more I think about what they call episodes, the more I recognize them happening through my life since I was teen maybe. I think I started with the depression and then probably had my first manic episode when I was 17/18/19. Since my mid 20's I thought something was wrong with me, but all I could really plainly see was my depression. Until now or maybe unconsiously a few months ago I realized about my manic episodes. That is the main reason why I felt as if I was a totally different person during my manic episodes. Is that normal? To feel as if you might even be a total different person?

I plan to go to the library and borrow some books on bipolar disorder. I want to know as much about it as I can. Get myself ready before I see a mental health professional. I don't want to be bipolar. I saddens me and worries me. I am also going to look into mental health problems in my family. Any advise anyone?

First of all, I agree that getting in to see a professional is the best idea. I had no idea that I was Bipolar until about 10 years ago. It was a total shock and I was terrified, sad, angry and everything in between.
I can tell you that when I am manic, I feel like a different person, yes. I can do anything, be anyone, fear nothing and can get myself into trouble!
I think reading up on it is a great idea. It can give you some really good self help ideas and give you some ways of conversing about it with a doctor or others.
I had to go back in my family and I think my mom might have been Bipolar (no diag, she would NEVER see a psych) and I have 2 sisters besides myself that have bipolar. I have one younger sister who does not have it. Looking back at the family is a good idea because the docs will ask about it.
Keep talking here if you want, there are lots of really wonderful people here.

Welcome worrywort76! I'm glad you are planning to see a Psychiatrist because self diagnosis can be a stressful endeavor. I would diagnose myself with 4 mental illnesses if I took that route LOL!

I know it's difficult, but take it one step at a time. I think it's great to educate yourself on bipolar. I can recommend a great book "Bipolar Breakthrough" by Ronald Fieve. I would also suggest starting a mood tracker there is a great free one online: http://www.medhelp.org/landing_pages/show/8 I would also include what you eat or drink because that also affect one's moods. There are also many other medical issues that can mimic bipolar symptoms. Have your GP test your thyroid.

I do feel like a different person when I'm in a major depression or hypomania (I have never experienced mania because I have Bipolar II).

My friend has a line she uses "worrying is like making yourself suffer before it even happens". Try to go easy on yourself and the "what if's" Keep us posted.

You are taking the right steps worrywort76. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year ago. At first I thought it meant I was totally crazy and unfit to be a mom, I have 2 kids. After some time I realized that it was a "death sentence" and it meant I could get help. I find relief in knowing I am still a good person and I can be "normal" with the help of my meds. Being diagnosed bipolar doesn't make you a bad person or incapable of being a good mom. Keep up what your doing and it will all work out in the end.

Hello WorryWort76,

Congratulations! You are taking positive steps to take good care of you! I've been bipolar all of my 57 years. I have some advice to offer you.

First, try to keep the worrying to a minimum. If you are bipolar, there's not any way it's going to change between now and your appointment. Also, if you passed it on to your kids, there is no better time in history for them to be diagnosed and treated because of the high quality medications out there and the high quality therapies available for both you and them. When I was first diagnosed, I was misdiagnosed and mis-medicated for years. It was only 6 years ago that my diagnosis was corrected and my life came together. Today, I am living the best quality of life I've ever known. And you can, too.

Second, don't overload yourself with information and get more worried. Wait until the doctor tells you his opinion about what kind of bipolar you might have. There are different kinds and some are treated with different medications than others. It's ok to read up on the different kinds but don't assume you have ALL of them or will have to take a whole gammit of medications.

I know you are scared right now but try to stay calm and don't overwhelm yourself with the "what if's". Wait until you get the doctor's opinion. We are all here to help, too. All of us here have been through it all so there are great resources here at PC.

Keep us informed and lots of hugs for you.

After noticing my depression for a few years and then noticing what may be manic or hypomanic episodes, I decided to do some research on bipolar disorder and it seemed to explain everything. I did the whole freaking out and reading as much as possible about it thing too. Because of my age I would have to talk to my parents before being able to see a psychiatrist, which I haven't done. Now I just stop trying to label it and just try to deal with it. You say you don't want to be bipolar, but think of it this way. If you are, nothings actually different except it has a name now and it can be more easily treated if you and the doctors know what's wrong.

Hi there.
I agree that there is nothing major to stress about. Not now and not in the future either!

It really is quite imperative to see a mental health care specialist, and i commend you on taking steps in getting this out the way. Even if he/she makes the diagnosis, you need to believe and know that the illness is managable. There will only be some lifestyle changes that you will need to implement, but your quality of life will increase so much, that every small sacrifice is justifiable.

In the mean time - we are here to offer you support, and teach you what we know through our experiences.
Hang in there, and please don't let yourself lose sleep over something that can be solved!!