How I Feel Today. . . Open to all.

After finishing a 12 page paper, then a counciling session complete with recording, write up, transcrips, taking notes on a movie i need to write another paper for, i also have to write a small 3 page paper about what my big 12 page paper is going to be about..and i have to read about 4 chapters in three different text books, i'm exausted and overwhelmed

Bit anxious. Feel creative. Feel like I want a new camera - now! Feel anxious that I don't have a lot of money. Feel happy that my photography is getting better. Feel happy that my mom's cousin may get old videos of me and my sister and his kids as kids singing and dancing! I have never seen a video of myself you get than 14. This was back when o was 9 or 10. Omg. Would that be great! Friend just showed up. I got asked on a date earlier today for tonight but then he had to cancel- so anxious about that.

weirdly, and oddly okay. Not sure what's going on here.... but this is the first time i've been "okay" for more then a 2 or 3 days at a time, and it's been almost a week!!!

i just. don't. know. Not used to this.

so... trying not to psyche my self out about it.

although i am freaking about a bit because my hospital just billed me for 5-day stay there at the beginning of the month for my suicidal ideation. And, it's not a small bill...

Eeep... D: Just when i'm in the process of moving, and spending all my savings on my own psych care before my insurance kicked in. so... freaking out a little bit.

Sad and anxious and my mind is racing. Just trying to make it through today.

Angry most of the day, cant seem to shake my rage. Also feeling a bit depressed about life in general. No more than usual, but it is wearing on me.
The event that got me worked up and soured my day the most was:
I was helping my son with home work when my mom called out to him to start piano lessons.
(It is nice that she does this with him. She initiated the lessons and has been teaching him since the beginning.)
So... When I told her to wait because we were doing home work she flew off the handle and in not so many words said F#@* YOU, do the lessons with him yourself.
We finished reading and I very resentfully went upstairs for the lessons.
At which time she micromanaged every moment, interrupted, interjected condescendingly. (She is very sly, my son is too young to notice now, but it is only a matter of time. Something has to change.)
It took every thing I had in me to complete the lesson. I always am walking on eggshells with her, I never know what will set her off. ARG! What I wouldn't give to be independent.

started my day out great! Was eager to come to work, happy to be here and just looking forward to a good day. That all started around 8am. Now I'm feeling a bit down. Body is tired, mind is just focusing on everything that has gone wrong. Feeling down and wanting to just crawl in a corner and disappear.