[FitPrk3]

Hello all,

First time blogger here, um don't know where to start. Im going to be turning 25yrs old in Sept, have been laid off 5 times in 2 years and I was recently diagnosed by my M.D. with a bipolar disorder (B.D.). Which isn't a suprise to me or my family at all.

I'm going for my first P. doc appointment since I was 7 years old soon and really super nervous. Any advice anyone? I really shy and super secretive usually when it comes to talking to anyone...

During this train wreck called my life My dad was/is kind of supportive of the whole situation, & my mom was all for going to get help. But on the other hand....
I am also married but we're not together anymore, though we still live together. (Recently Seperated) It's really hard going through all of this with a divorce on top of it. I feel incredibly depressed because she left me as a result of my bipolar disorder, she couldn't take my mood swings almost every day, we've been together for almost 5 years, married for almost 3yrs and every day since we've gotten together my attitude slipped deeper and deeper into the seclusion and lonely of my depression. Over the 5 years we have seperated 5 times all linked to things done/said as a result of not being diagnosed early enough and getting help. I Love Her and didn't want any of this to happen, but she thought/thinks differently. That I was doing all of this intentionly. My B.D. caused me to start being overly jealous when the situation didn't call for it. I freak out about stupid little things because my brain doesn't know any better, like what time she was getting home and if she was late 5 mins I would start panicing really bad and that would usually result in an argument that would eventually get out of control. She tells me to calm down, and I hear those words but it doesn't register in my head, because to me I think that it's normal. I will honestly admit I treated her badly because I couldn't see past the fog in my head. I don't blame her at all, it's not her fault I'm an big time *** because of my B.D. She has every right to want to leave me but it hurts really bad knowing it was because of something that was undiagnosed but ALWAYS suspected by my family. My wife doesn't really believe that going to get help is going to work. My manic states are super super terrible, and my depression is worse than its ever been. And I believe she doesn't think it's going to work because she always thought that this was something that I could control on my own. But I never could/can.

I'm sorry I talked you guys' ears off but I needed to get that off my chest and let everyone hear my story. I want help, I want to get better. I'm tired of living everyday in the gutters when it comes to the B.D. So wish me the best of luck and let me know of ANY advice that could help me move along in this very very very long road to recovery.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by FitPrk3

I want help, I want to get better. I'm tired of living everyday in the gutters when it comes to the B.D. So wish me the best of luck and let me know of ANY advice that could help me move along in this very very very long road to recovery.

Hi FitPRK I posted on another one of your posts, so as I said on that one start tracking your moods. I have had the same type of relationship prior to being diagnosed and looking back on it I'm sad that it ended because he was a really good guy, but he got tired of "walking on egg shells". I hope you can work things out and she may just need to see that you are willing to make changes etc. The book in my signature would be great for her if she is willing to educate herself on the illness.

As far as managing the illness it does take time and you aren't going to get a grasp of it right away. To set yourself up for success I will offer the following:

1. Take meds as prescribed.
2. Educate yourself on the illness.
3. Be honest with your psychiatrist, GP, therapist etc.
4. Get regular sleep, if you can't sleep ask for a prescription for sleep to be taken regularly or as needed.
5. Eat properly i.e. avoid excessive caffeine, junk food etc.
6. Avoid alcohol.
7. Avoid non-prescription drugs and/or drugs not prescribed to you.
8. Exercise regularly.
9. Set a routine for yourself i.e. getting up at the same time, going to sleep at the same time.
10. Surround yourself with people that fill you up.
11. Take time for yourself.
12. Be patient. The med regime for many diagnosed does take time, but it's worth taking the time.
13. Write in a journal especially with how you are feeling right now; that way if you ever considered going off meds it may help you make a better decision.
14. And finally remember you aren't your diagnosis. You have bipolar, but you aren't bipolar.

[Anneinside]

Great list, Blueoctober! All good things to do for all people with bipolar. The only thing I would add is exercise, even though I don't do that LOL

[dj586858]

fitprk3- I am so glad that the docs have been able to pinpoint the issues you are going through & now you can get to work getting better. I am so sorry that this has effected your marriage like it has but we really are difficult to live with. At least, I know I am. Hey, I don't want to live with me either! It is even more difficult when the other person doesn't understand what is going on. Maybe she would be willing to go to the therapist with you to learn more about it or at least read the book listed above. I hope you find peace soon.

[sugahorse1]

Hi and welcome
I'm sorry you are going through what you are. I'm also about your age and have been in a relationship for 5 years.
I know we aren't easy to live with.
If you are going to see a pdoc for the first time in years, I'm guessing you are not on meds?? Please correct me if i'm wrong.
You need to ensure your girlfriend that once you see a pdoc and go on meds, while it may require patience, support and a considerable amount of time - the end result will be positive. The correct meds will make you a changed person!

[BlackPup]

awesome list blue october... I feel like printing it out in really big letters and sticking it where I can see it every morning...

fitprk: you need to sort out your health and moods before you can be in the right place to try and fix your relationship. try to be honest and calm with her and ask her to be patient with you. getting drugs right and dealing with the diagnosis is not easy and often takes a while.
When you are ready, I really really suggest therapy, either individual, couples or both. The BP has affected both of you and your relationship and you need to identify the problems and deal with them.

[FitPrk3]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Hi and welcome
I'm sorry you are going through what you are. I'm also about your age and have been in a relationship for 5 years.
I know we aren't easy to live with.
If you are going to see a pdoc for the first time in years, I'm guessing you are not on meds?? Please correct me if i'm wrong.
You need to ensure your girlfriend that once you see a pdoc and go on meds, while it may require patience, support and a considerable amount of time - the end result will be positive. The correct meds will make you a changed person!

Sugahorse, regaurds to your post, yea I'm on med's right now but only from my M.D. not my p-doc. I don't go to my first p-doc apt til the end of september...its ridiculous...and to correct you again, shes my wife (well ex wife since shes leaving me, not girlfriend) but yea its really hard going through all this. I have ensured her that it will take time through the 5 years but she never wanted me to go to the docotor. Reason being her mom had bipolar and so now i think my ex thinks Im gonna turn out like her mom, which was not so great. I have a post on my ex's history in one of my other threads, I only have like 7 so check it out if you have time and want to look for it, it explains what Im talking about with her mom. But whether I like to admit it or not, living with me has turned into a living nightmare for her..Which I REALLY don't like admitting to, but I realize I was a monster too often, but thats how bad it is for me...thats why really I'm not focusing on trying to save the marriage. If everything goes well with my progress then it might save itself. It not, then it wasn't ment to be. Some people just will never understand or accept that there is anything wrong or that people have illnesses...thanks for the post

[PT52]

Hi FitPrk3, and welcome to the best support you'll ever get! I've been having husband issues (everyone here has heard it a number of times!), but one of the things I found to help heal it is to tell him that it's actually better that I have BP instead of being just a b**** on wheels, because there is treatment for it! blueoctober's list is really awesome - try to follow it as much as you can. I was fired from a job just last week and it's not the first time, so I can really relate there. Another thing you might do for your marriage is get your wife some information (or even go to appts with your P-doc with you) so that she can understand that not everyone with BP is the same - that's why there are so many different meds! I have more depression than highs and my highs are hypomanic - basically I can function, but I really irritate people. Hang in there and remember there are people here who totally understand your situation cuz they've been there, too.

[FitPrk3]

Thank you so much everyone for your support. And I do plan on following your advice to the T cause I am so sick of being this way. I want my wife to go to consueling with me, whether or not she will, is a different story...but I try to keep faith that she will atleast want to try as my friend to understand more than what her college pysch books briefly says about B.D. If she still turns out to want to leave, then it really wasn't meant to be. But that's life, I just got to keep rolling with the punches. But keep posting advice, stories, and ill gladly respond and share back any advice or stories I might have...Thanks Everyone!

~A

[Anneinside]

Advice about seeing a pdoc for the first time: If you think you will forget something about your symptoms then write them down and bring a list of your medications and dosage. Try to relax and be as honest as you can be.

[FitPrk3]

Thank you AnneInside. I know I need to get everything in order before I go...anything else that I need to remember?