[Moose72]

Can we talk about how it us to be bp 1- especially psychosis, depersonalization, etc?

[Merlin]

As I don't have type I of the illness, I couldn't talk, but you talk and I could listen. I have experienced depersonalization and derealization in the past though.

[Moose72]

Well one thing I'm having right now: I am out at the movies and in the hallway waiting for the last 15 mins so my 2 friends can finish the movie. My o e friend suggested tron a d I said no because it's very loud and I get migraines. Well sure nough he just picks tron! He vetoed out of hand the others that we picked.

So the 3D was making me dizzy. But it's the sound. I get it at restaurants sometimes. It's like it physically is overwhelming from the inside- not just hurting my ears. I also get migraine and luckily I don't have one from it but the whole e perience was not fun.

Other times, it's people talking- I can hear each voice rather than tuning them out to a din. It's physicLly unsettling and makes me irritated as in manic unsettled. Right now I'll be ok. But it was so unpleasant.

[RRU96]

I must say that this last time I was (hypo)manic (still dx'ed 2), I did notice an intensity in my hearing. I tried to explain it to the pdoc like it was almost, Hearing in Hi-Def. I just honed in on every little sound. It was very frustrating and made me very jumpy. I couldnt just tune noises out.

Not sure if this is the same kind of experience you were having.... but I must say, my pdoc didnt seem to worried about it. Not sure if that is a good thing.

[Moose72]

Yeah that sounds like it. My pdoc understood when I told her about it. It's like each voice has a separate microphone and I have all of them playing at on e- only it's not musical- it's just lots of people talking!

[blueoctober]

My hearing and sense of smell are off the charts when I'm hypomanic. My senses in general get overwhelmed very easily.

[Moose72]

I've had a visual hallucination and sever auditory ones. Anybody else?

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I've had a visual hallucination and sever auditory ones. Anybody else?

Yes I have, but I've never been at the point that I thought they were real.

[Moose72]

How did you know they weren't? Once I had one, I learned to recognize what they were like- except the visual one. That still seemed real except she disappeared.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Moose72

How did you know they weren't? Once I had one, I learned to recognize what they were like- except the visual one. That still seemed real except she disappeared.

It seems real when it happens, but I'm a very logical person and know it's because I'm unwell. I've had visual hallucinations since I was a kid, so that probably has something to do with me being able to remain calm about it.

[LaraLynn]

when engulfed in the mania I am not sure I am able to tell if a hallucination is real, but I have more problem with delusions than hallucinations during mania. Once I am able to calm down and have someone rational explain things to me more than likely I will believe them. However, I have kept a delusion from this past go around - I don't discuss it like I had been, but it is still here with me. I believe it even though I have been told it is a delusion.

These are some of the delusions I had last go around...

I was in my car with my daughter when she had to go in to drop something off for my ex boss - I hated these people and was extremely paranoid being there. I was on medical leave from their office. When she went in to the building I was riddled with fear inside the car and called my husband screaming that they were going to kill her. I started to hyper ventilate and this is how she found me when she came back to the car. Trying to breath. I was totally turned around and couldn't figure out how to get us home for about 10 minutes. My husband stayed on the phone talking to me calming me down and getting me to drive home. I thought they were all demons.

[Moose72]

Hmm. I once thought my husband was being attacked in the bank. I'd stayed in the car with our 1-year-old son and got out of the car with the baby to go investigate. I'd seen a firetruck and maybe other vehicles. When I got inside, the actual entrance was blocked by a guard and he had locked everybody inside. So I freaked thinking they were being held up running back and girth carrying my son. Turned out they just were closed and didn't want to let any more people in but you have to admit- a guard?? This was 12 years ago in another state but still.

[Merlin]

I had auditory hallucinations during a depressive episode, but one of them was religious where as I am atheist and another time, I simply could not originate where the voice could have come from other than my own brain.

[Astridetal]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Hmm. I once thought my husband was being attacked in the bank. I'd stayed in the car with our 1-year-old son and got out of the car with the baby to go investigate. I'd seen a firetruck and maybe other vehicles. When I got inside, the actual entrance was blocked by a guard and he had locked everybody inside. So I freaked thinking they were being held up running back and girth carrying my son. Turned out they just were closed and didn't want to let any more people in but you have to admit- a guard?? This was 12 years ago in another state but still.

That probably would scare anyone. I can understand you freaked out. Sorry this happened to you.

[lonegael]

Even when i was pretty far gone, I rather knew I was hallucinating, partly because the hallucination introduced himself as the "other guy who lives in the head, thought I'd come out and explain a few things". Was wearing a ski mask and sat down on the edge of the bed and after removing the blasted t thing began to shame facedly apologize for making such a mess of handling my grandfather's death when i was a kid.., I mean I felt the bed sag under his weight! I told him he was an halluination and he told me "whisht! I'm an animus now enough with that where was I?" Only thing I met talked more than I do! That's when I knew my meds were not working.
Since then I learned in therapy I probably also have some sort of dissociative disorder that includes depersonalization in crisis situations and some "shifting" that this Character was alluding to. Not a true alter, but not far from it.
Don't know if this is part of the Bipolar thing or if it is a result of some of things that have happened to me because of the bipolar stuff, the recklessness, bad judgement, etc. ie trauma related.