[karmabites]

Having been diagnosed with manic-depressive illness, as well as generalized anxiety disorder, I stumble across my fair share of problems. Recently, my romantic partner going back to college, along with stresses at work and school, have triggered a pretty significant depressive episode.

One thing I have not been able to cope with is my extreme paranoia. My partner might want to go to sleep instead of talking, and I'm convinced that he no longer wants to speak to me and will be ending our relationship. It's natural, I think, to be worried about how our relationship will work long-distance, but my irrational responses to small things, such as reading too far into my partner simply being tired, is having me worried.

After lashing out based on the irrational belief that I was no longer loved, yelling, sobbing, and blaming my partner for problems that did not exist, I have placed a massive wedge between us. This is just accelerating my paranoia that we will no longer be together, that he will be unfaithful, or that I have ruined what was once a very meaningful relationship.

Additionally, I'm paranoid about calling my psychiatrist under the irrational belief that, should I explain to her that the medications are no longer addressing my moods, she would think that I was lying. I don't know why I'm so convinced that this is true. I am terrified of calling.

My anxiety has been extreme as well. I'm convinced, despite having managed my work/school balance exceptionally well last year, that I am going to do very poorly. There's no real reason for me to believe that, as I am a phenomenal student, but I can't shake that anxiety despite reminding myself of past success.

My depression has returned as well. I feel pessimistic, very certain that life is meaningless. My suicidal ideation has returned. My appetite has dissolved. My sleeping schedule is a trainwreck. I realize that all of my stress has triggered this episode, but the intensity with which I am feeling reminds me of depressive episodes in my past, which has always led down a dangerous, self-destructive path.

My question is, should I lay low and let these stressful circumstances play out? If I can adjust to what is happening around me, perhaps my anxiety and paranoia will be alleviated. However, if this is a depressive episode beyond my control, I fear that I really will have to reach out to my pdoc. I see her in two weeks -- should I wait, or call?

[blueoctober]

Welcome karmabites;I would let your p-doc know what your experiencing and ask if he or she thinks you should come in earlier than 2 weeks.

How long have you been diagnosed and taking medication? If you have been on the meds for longer than 3 months you may need a med tweak or change. I have experienced the symptoms you are describing prior to my diagnosis and when my meds weren't "right".

You may even want to see a therapist. I have found that helpful for increasing my coping skills and help keep things in perspective when my mind is on overdrive.

I'm glad you decided to join and I hope you find this site supportive.