[Amazonmom]

I am ashamed to tell my pnurse that I stopped my meds a month ago. I guess I just need to march in there and tell her first thing at my appointment tomorrow.

I think I will chicken out of telling her so I would like it if you guys made me check in after my appointment.

I don't deserve a good pnurse like her I am such a bad person.

[PT52]

What time is your appointment? I'll definitely follow up!
And you are NOT a bad person!!! Chin up, you can do it.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Amazonmom

I don't deserve a good pnurse like her I am such a bad person.

You are not a bad person. I have been in the same position as you and it felt like I was going to the principal's office I was so nervous. We are humans, not robots, and you are definitely not the first patient that your pnurse had go off their meds.

Good Luck tomorrow and we will check in on you.

[Amazonmom]

My appt is 10 am Pacific time and lasts an hour. I have to remember she is not my mother or my friend and I can remember how I treat my own families at work that don't always do what they are supposed to. I am not mean nor do I think bad things about them.

[laur88]

You can do it! She is there to help you and she can't if you don't tell her what's going on. Let us know how it goes!

[lotusflames]

i have no idea what time 10am pacific time is (I'm in the UK) so i'm going to ask now

did you tell her?

I'm not one to judge, i dont tell my pnurse much

[SunReach]

I have no idea about the time either and I'm also in the UK...I hope you did tell her!!
And here is my reasoning for it all...This is the right course of action for YOU. Forget about the nurse. And if you care even for ONE person that walks on this earth (be it you, be it a family member, a friend, or indeed the nurse!) you are responsible for taking care of yourself, and as part of this care is telling health carers what is going on with your meds etc. I don't want this to sound as an accusation, I have done the same, and as the results were nearly catastrophic I had to tell my pdoc.

About being ashamed...There is no need for that Your nurse has probably had a lot of patients who did something similar, or even told worse lies and behaved 'badly'. They are experienced and they would prefer you telling them than keeping up a pretence until it gets harmful to you. Admittedly, the right thing would have been not to stop the meds, or say you've stopped them in the first few days. But we are humans!! Who does the right thing at all times...So don't worry about it!

All the best dear

[Amazonmom]

I think my UK friends (GMT +1) are about 8 hours ahead of me in Seattle on Pacific Daylight Time (GMT -7). Still have three hours before my appointment I found a cool timezone clock for my computer so that I can figure out what time it is for all of my PC friends.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by Amazonmom

I think my UK friends (GMT +1) are about 8 hours ahead of me in Seattle on Pacific Daylight Time (GMT -7). Still have three hours before my appointment I found a cool timezone clock for my computer so that I can figure out what time it is for all of my PC friends.

Well, you and I are in the same time zone, so I know precisely when to check in with you! I have a contractor coming to look at a leaky roof at 11:00, so I'll be checking up on you right after that - hoping for some good news

[Amazonmom]

I did it! Can't type well on my phone will write more later!

[(JD)]

Good for you. You have every right to refuse medications, but it takes a mature person to admit to it like you just did.

[PT52]

yay!!! I'm proud of you!!

[blueoctober]

Good for you!

[SunReach]

Excellent news!! I hope you feel better about it now and that the nurse's reaction was appropriate

[laur88]

Originally Posted by Amazonmom

I did it! Can't type well on my phone will write more later!

Yay! That's great news!

Yea, amazonmom!!! Sorry late to the thread (big spans not doing much with the computer the last couple days).
And seriously? If there's BP that hasn't gone off their meds or messed with them in some way, I'd like to meet them! But it would hardly be shocking news to any psych professional! You admitted it and got back on track and that's the important thing. Good for you!

[NuckingFutz]

Yeah Amazonmom! Proud of you! She probably ordered meds different for you since you told her huh? So tell us how it went!

[Amazonmom]

well....I guess I can understand why her eyes got REALLY WIDE when I told her. Several months ago I signed up for a conference in Vegas. Three other coworkers going with me. I quit meds about two weeks before Vegas.

I was telling my Pnurse that I had gotten a bit drunk in Vegas. She asked how it worked with the Lithium...and I said well since there was no Lithium involved it went fine! OH BOY. I guess telling your Pnurse that your bipolar self quit meds and went to Vegas is a bit alarming... But nothing happened so it was all right.

She was a bit hurt that I didn't tell her two weeks ago during our last session. I told her that I was still wondering what would happen and I wasn't ready to involve her. We had a big long discussion about how I need to decide just how much swinging is acceptable since the major swings occur several years apart.

She almost cried when she said I need to make sure I protect myself during triggering events like childbearing. That my illness had a history of two deadly episodes of depression and she doesn't use the term deadly lightly.... that there is no way she wants me working nights ever again. It just wears on me and ends up triggering my depression. That if I got pregnant and the hospital tried to move me to night shift that she would do everything in her power to stop them because she cares about me and doesn't want me to suffer. That I don't have to power through and it doesn't make me weak to keep a day shift position after I earned it through seniority. She wants to try ambien CR again because she wants me to get 7 hours of sleep a night.

She left it completely up to me to decide what to do about psych meds. She gave me this beautiful speech about how she hates the term mental illness because it makes her clients think they are wrong or bad when they aren't. She went into the business of Pnurse to relieve suffering. Blah blah blah I would love to believe half the things she said. But it's too hard to accept that somebody cares.

I will put the rest of it in another post.

[vjdragonfly]

Glad you were able to tell your pnurse and things went so well. It does sound like she honestly cares. So are you still not taking any meds? Hope everything works out for the best.

[Amazonmom]

Actually I restarted lithium but I doubt that I want it to be my only med. Hopefully there is a second med I can add that will let me reduce my Lithium dose and avoid the nasty side effects like not swallowing properly and loose stools. Sorry, TMI.

[blueoctober]

I hope you can work together to find the right med combo. She seems very kind. Keep us posted.

[SunReach]

I believe she really cares...And if you find it difficult to believe her at least believe that she represents all the people you know that care and trust her to help you through as someone who knows what they're doing..I hope you find the right combination of meds and that everything is on track soon

And she is right about not having to power through etc...This is what I tend to do and every now and then I have to take a step back and pause and think what is actually necessary to push myself through, what I really want to do and what are my limits (altough I constantly wish I didn't have any!)

Big hug