[midnight_soul]

I want to THANK ALL OF YOU who have replied to my posts this week and I must say, I never expected the love and encouragement in such a short time. I already feel excepted and not judged for telling the truth. I was planning to end it all, but because of all of you, I feel as if I finally have friends I can talk to. PC friends for me are better than what I have in person, which is none. You guys have made me cry good tears of a tiny bit of hope. I have totally lost my faith in God because he allows me to carry more than I can take. But....some how I ended up here when I was so close to the end.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I feel safe in here even though all of you are only shadows on the screen, just typed out words however.....I have been deeply touched here.

Friday I see my shrink. I am so scared but I know I must tell him the truth or I won't get better, I don't feel right and my meds are not working any more. If you don't hear from me then you will know I have been hospitalized . I trust my shrink so much even though some times I do not like what he wants me to do but he is such a good caring man and he really listens to me. The last time I saw him ( 2 months ago) he knew I was hiding things from him, and he told me so. He also has had nurses call 3 times since to check on me, but I always tell them I am fine, just tired. I cant hide it any more. I don't want to be put in the hospital, we can't afford any more bills plus I feel so caged there. I am so scared. I feel that maybe if I tell him how I have really been but I have found a place to let out the pain maybe he will just adjust my meds and give me another month. I know this place is not a place to replace the real deal etc, trust me I understand, I read all the rules before I singed up. But for ME this place gives me hope because every time I make a post, ppl reply to me. That is such a good feeling. That is what I have been begging for...ppl to talk to and...here I am.

I told my husband one last time of my intentions last night. He turned off the TV and held me as i cried. He told me it has been so hard for him because he doesn't know what to do and he has been angry. For once in a long time he connected with me. He wants to go in with me during my visit friday. I am not sure on that one because I know for a fact if he does what will happen.

I hope I can soon give back to at least one person here what I have recieved.

[blueoctober]

midnight_soul; I'm glad you feel welcomed and heard hear. I feel the same way. I'm glad you have a P-doc appointment on Friday. Keep us posted.

[BNLsMOM]

Please do tell the truth with your p-doc. Even if you have to go to the hospital, it is for your health. Please keep posting and let us know how it goes.

[Obreezes]

Midnight soul....I am so thankful that you reached out for help here. Be honest with your pdoc. If you are hospitalized, it's because you need to be to get help. But if you are hospitalized, please come back here when you are back home and let us all know how you are doing! We care about you

[madisgram]

so happy that you are willing to get the help you need,msoul. and your hubby has been scared for you. so glad you guys finally bridged that gap.so if we don't hear from you for a bit, thanks for that heads up. we'll be waiting for you and hope the best for you.

[PT52]

Lots of hugs to hold you til you get back...I'm so glad your husband is there for you. And remember, even tho we're shadows on the screen and typed out words, we're also big, caring hearts.

[thinker22]

I didn't see your other posts before this one, but I can see you're a very caring person and are seeking help for the other people in your life. That's very unselfish and brave. Sometimes we only have others to lean on and they carry our hope when we have none. Definitely let us know how you are doing whether or not you go to the hospital.

I love PC. Everyone I've met in the bipolar forum has been kind and conscientious. It is a welcome break from the "real world." Glad you have had the same experience as I have.

Sending you

Oh, midnightsoul, I'm so very glad you found the forums here!!! This is truly the most wonderful group of people I've EVER met online and I sincerely hope you find nothing but encouragement and comradery here!

And yes, tell your P doc what's really going on. It's how they can actually do their job. Very important. Good luck and keep us posted, ok?

[Trippin2.0]

I'm glad you love our BP family, we love you too!!!!

[sugahorse1]

I'm glad you found a place that offers you support and where you can feel safe.
All the best with the pdoc visit. I agree you need to be 100% honest in order for him to really help you. And just remember not too feel embarrassed about ANYTHING - it is their job to help you

[laur88]

midnight, I feel the same way you do about PC - whenever I get the feeling that I am surrounded by people who don't quite grasp how I feel or what I'm dealing with, I can come to PC and hear from people who feel the same things I do. It's pretty incredible!

Good luck with your pdoc and keep us posted!

hugs
-L

[vjdragonfly]

Midnight Soul I'm glad we were here for you in your time of need. I have found the BP group to be absolutely wonderful. So glad you feel the same and that we are here for you when you need us. I hope all went well with your pdoc today and hope to hear from you soon.

[lonegael]

Midnight sul, I'm glad people were here for you when you needed them. Soetimes that's the greatest miracle of all. hang in there with the therapsit and the doc, hon. HUGGS