[sugahorse1]

Not coping - shouldn't have cancelled T y/day, but felt I was ok. Was also embarrassed after I'd told her how cr@p I'd felt on Tuesday, and on Thurs I was feeling better.
And I was apprehesive to go.
Then I got it with a major Depressive Episode. It's not ideal, but living on Rivotril (Klonopin) 2day. Not sure what the max dose is, but I don't think I care.
Was considering going to hospital, but both my pdoc and T are away this weekend and I don't want to deal with new professionals.

I need your support - URGENTLY!!

[CliveWild]

Sorry you are struggling, Suga. I hope things pick up and that the weekend is better.

Big {{{hugs))

Take Care !!

[sugahorse1]

Thanks Clive - I hope so too. If monday is still bad, i may phone T and go to hospital - except that I don't know how they'll be able to help with depression.
I feel like a Zombie right now - almost like I am dissociating from everything

Better dealing with new professionals than being in trouble though... (And maybe there's someone there you'll be glad you met --never know!) In any case, don't worry how they'll be able to help -- just let them. Don't wait for Monday if it gets too bad, ok, suga?

[sugahorse1]

Thanks Innerzone - Yes, I will consider going to the hospital if it gets too bad. But what's too bad? I know i can go from OK to BAD and will think nothing of taking some sleeping tabs (Prob not enough to do damange, but to get a good 24 hours sleep and let me boyfriend notice that things are beginning to get hard for me)
And what can a hospital do other than make sure you don't self-harm (In my case, take unnecessary meds)? And from my experience it's pretty simple to walk straight in to the hospital with an arsenal of meds, that you could take when the nurses are all out the ward.

The Rivotril (Klonopin) zombie like state is doing it for me @ the moment. Trying to get thro work (At least it keeps my mind busy) and steering away from the stressful stuff were possible.

Dammit - hospitals are confusing - it's a lot more logical if you are manic as opposed to being depressed.

[BNLsMOM]

Please don't hesitate to go to the hospital. You may find that it is just what you need to feel better.

[thinker22]

I agree. You should go to the hospital if you are considering ODing on any of your meds. Give them your supply when you arrive. Don't risk it. We would miss you terribly if you even took too much by accident. You have to take care of you first. The logistics are not important. I'm sure the professionals can call your docs via their exchange on the weekend and confer with them before Monday. Just bring their cards or numbers with you.

Big hugs and stay safe.

[laur88]

I agree also - it's better safe than sorry. Sending you hugs and positive vibes. You can make it through this!

[vjdragonfly]

(((sugahorse))) I'm so sorry things are not getting better for you. I agree, if you are really thinking about over medicating you should go to the hospital. Your well-being is the most important thing.

[lonegael]

Sugahorse, , all I can do is echoe the others and beg you to please, please, tell your boy friend that you are not well, do NOT show him. HUGGGSSSSS dear, and stay safe, plese?

[BlackPup]

Suga, thinking of you. Hope you get through the weekend...

[sugahorse1]

Hi guys.
I took it REALLY easy this weekend. On Friday I was asleep before 9, took 1/2 a sleeping tab and slept 12 hours. I didn't leave the flat on Saturday - just messed around on the net, watched some TV and movies and had another snooze in the afternoon. Got take-aways for dinner so I didn't have to leave the apartment. Slept for 12 hours again Saturday night. Sunday morning I went to see my horse. I could feel I was getting cranky again though... Then we went to horse racing to watch one of our horses race. Had a few drinks (Which I probably shouldn't have) but it was still nice to be around likeminded people, that don't know about my mental issues and don't treat me with gloves.
Sunday night I fell asleep early again, but had a terrible night's sleep, as I kept waking up. This is totally not like me - I sleep like a log.

I'm ok this morning - was a bit anxious driving to work, but not nearly as depressed as Friday.
Thanks to you guys!

[Black Moon]

Hey Suga glad you feeling better than Friday. I was very worried about you last week my friend. Hugs

[sugahorse1]

Thanks - I think I was worried about myself on Friday too. And I'd said to myself that if things didn't look up come Monday, I'd make a plan to admit myself. Walking on a tightrope at the moment, and not sure which side i'll fall. I feel a bit numb and strange right now, but I'm not in that hole anymore. For now anyway

[sugahorse1]

I think I am obsessed with negative thoughts. I tihnk I drive myself down all the time. now I'm just not feeling on top of my game anymore - once again.
Klonopin to make me numb - my only coping mechanism....

[midnight_soul]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Thanks Innerzone - Yes, I will consider going to the hospital if it gets too bad. But what's too bad? I know i can go from OK to BAD and will think nothing of taking some sleeping tabs (Prob not enough to do damange, but to get a good 24 hours sleep and let me boyfriend notice that things are beginning to get hard for me)
And what can a hospital do other than make sure you don't self-harm (In my case, take unnecessary meds)? And from my experience it's pretty simple to walk straight in to the hospital with an arsenal of meds, that you could take when the nurses are all out the ward.

The Rivotril (Klonopin) zombie like state is doing it for me @ the moment. Trying to get thro work (At least it keeps my mind busy) and steering away from the stressful stuff were possible.

Dammit - hospitals are confusing - it's a lot more logical if you are manic as opposed to being depressed.

I hear you and understand your concerns on going to the hospital. I'm in no way trying to take away from what the others here have said to you, I just wanted you to know that what you feel about hospitals is EXACTLY what I feel and why I am afraid to go and admit myself. May I send you a private message? Listen to every thing others tell you.....every one is trying to help you stay focused as much as possible....me to.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks midnight - sure, you are welcome to PM me. Being in the Southern Hemisphere and a good few hours ahead of you, I cannot guarantee to answer asap, lol!
I'm still in the doldrums...!