relationship problems

Im having a really bad crash at the moment and my hubby is making it soo much worse, and i dont know what to do!

He says that he doesnt want his friends or daughter coming over whilst im "like this", which may be him being thoughtfull, but makes me feel useless and freakinsh. he goes to his friends house and stops out at least one night a week, because of course his friend cant come here cos im a freak!

the other night i was crying and couldnt stop and he just complained that it was stopping him sleeping.

when he does get in from work he wont give me cuddles or affection, and just gets a bath and goes straight to bed. he was in bed and asleep before our 6 year old tonight.

im feeling so lonely, he wants me to go away and have a holiday whilst im on sick leave from work, cos he thinks im wasting my leave. he really doesnt seem to get this whole depression thing, or sometimes i think he is trying to push me over the edge cos its cheaper than a divorce! (actually im not joking!)

I dont know what to do, i dont feel strong enough to have the whole confrontation thing but i cant take much more of this isolation before i ask for a divorce

Are you properly dx'd and on meds? then phone your pdoc and let him know you are not coping with the depression.
Else get an app with a pdoc, get a dx and get meds.

I have similar problem with my bf and discussed this issue with my T. He may have underlying issues with regards to depression himself, and could be guarding himself from your depression, for fear of not knowing how to handle it.
Men are generally not the most emotional beings, so it's hard for them to understand your need to be comforted.
I try and hide my depression from my bf now, because I know I'm not likely to get sympathy or emotional support. I cannot cramp his social life, so I let him go and meet his friends somewhere, and I can have space to be on my own, deal with my emotions and just sleep.
I have one or 2 "girlfriends" that I can text or mail for emotional support, and I also see a T to help me sort through my feelings and emotions.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time - I really do understand. I hope you feel better soon, and get your relationship back on track.

Hi poly - sorry you're having to go thru this..seems like it's pretty common from what people have posted here, but that doesn't make it any easier. Suga is right - men typically have a hard time coping with emotional issues. Try to wait until you're more stable before you think about divorce; it sounds impossible, but a decision like that is better made without emotions getting in the way.

I don't let my hubs see me cry most of the time, mostly because I can't explain why I'm crying, so he doesn't know how to fix it, which makes him frustrated.

It doesn't make it any less hurtful, but remember that you have understanding friends here.

Thanks Sugahorse and PT52
I am dxd and am in the middle of changing my meds, which is causing the crash, gp very frustrated with pdoc cos pdoc not very interested in my depression but gp cant actually do anything.. just has to put up with me!

sounds like its just a general hubby thing! sometimes i get too sensitive, just wish he could be more affectionate!

He will be, I'd bet on it.

Polyanomous, my hubby can be that way, and part of it is because he is pretty high anxiety himself and my depression and mixed episodes whch are high anxiety can trigger him. He just can't handle it and goes to bed to try to sleep it off. It's not an issue of lack of love, just his own chemistry and his own frustration and feelings of helplessness. He more or less says to me, "I know you feel bad, I can't help you much, so I'll let you handle it because you can." Not romantic, but i understand it know, and he means it with respect. Huggsss and I hope you guys can talk about this sometime when you are feeling more stable. Right now youare feeling so badly and he is probably defensive, so you mght want to wait until you have this period behind you, hon. Good luck