[lostmind]

First I want to thank everyone for posting comments and thoughts on my other posts. I am completely overwhelmed by those reaching out to me, and I really have no idea how to respond. I am not used to others taking an interest in me or my thoughts. I began writing in here just to empty my head, just to finally have a place where I could purge. And what I've gotten is offers of friendship, honest ideas and feedback, and people giving thanks for expressing similar feelings to their own. So again I say thank you.

Today, was alright for me. I spent some time writing and posting in the creative area on here. I enjoy having a place that I can post without fear of my loved ones seeing and then judging my mental facilities. Sometimes I just need to get things out so they don't drive me crazy, and my loved ones automatically think something is wrong when I share these thoughts, so I enjoy the anonymity.

I also revisited the a great movie, The Bucket List. Watching the movie made me think about friendship. I also reread some of the posts that others have made to my previous posts. Those that told to think back to that which I wanted when I was young boy. Those posts also made me think about friendship. I remember wanting, so badly, to be a best friend. Now, I have no friend.

I remember often trying so hard to be a good friend, but always losing out to seniority, money, or lack of favor. I would often become what ever they wanted in an attempt to impress, but still would lose out and hate myself for becoming a fake. Yet, even now I yearn to share experiences and time with someone else. For so long, I have been convincing myself that I could live as an island, or hermit, only to secretly want a friend. And yet at the same time hating myself for not being able to live a solitary life.

I feel I have to clarify here. I do have a wife and I love her dearly. I could not imagine my life without her. Therefore the friend I speak of is not a lover, but completely platonic. I wanted to explain so that there is no confusion or reason to understand my feelings differently.

Well, now back to the thought, or rather a question. What would your bucket list include and who would you have to help you complete it?

For me, the person by default (sounds worse than it is) would be my wife. My list than (kept to 10)

1. Visit the 7 wonders.
2. Ski in the aspens
3. Surf in fiji
4. Dance at Madi Gra
5. Apologize to my brother
6. Save another's life
7. Write a book
8. Attend a Super Bowl (preferably one with Tampa playing)
9. Taste all the wines in California, and all the beers in Europe
10. Drink a mocha latte in the middle of the night on the porch of a cabin in Alaska while watching the aurora borealis and talking about the meaning of life with good friends and contemplating why mine was worth living and how my unique perspective fueled it.

[PT52]

So glad you've found a safe place here. For me, it has been the only place I've found unconditional acceptance, real support and no b.s.

That's a pretty awesome list you have there . Let's see...right off the bat, you can do #9, start #7, start #9 (with imports), and even do the latte and contemplation on #10.

If you can tolerate my mom-ness, I'd like to share a couple of anecdotes with you that might help you see some things in a different light.

After my first marriage ended, I walked away from anyone who was my friend because I believed they were friends with an imposter. I went looking for new friends by joining a dart league - which was more an excuse to hang out in a bar. As I observed the older single people that had been doing the same thing for years, I realized that real friendships didn't happen in that setting.

Not too long ago, I ran into someone I was friends with back in the early days. The thing that stuck in my mind was her saying that she and her husband had finally become friends after 20 years of marriage.

My mom was single for 20 years after my dad died. She spent a lot of time looking for another romantic relationship. After she stopped looking, she started to do things on her own - travel, learn ballroom dancing, etc. It was only after she stopped looking that she fell in love - with a man she had been friends with for 30 years. They're having the time of their lives in their 70's.

My only close friends are my sister and my husband, and I've come to realize that's enough. They know everything about me, warts and all. I also realized that, while it's imperative to work hard at friendships, you have to be certain you're working at the right things: honesty, respect, empathy and unconditional love.

Maybe your best friend (and the only one you might ever need) is right in front of you.

And don't forget, you have friends here even if we appear to be emoticon heads with threads for bodys .

Lots of hugs...

[sane1logic1]

person: anyone interested enough

10 things: get my home and affairs straight, visit some sights of England, celebrate important occasions of the year with people I treasure, help people, that probably pans out at more than 10.