[laur88]

Just when I thought I was stable and that I would be stable forever... I don't even know how to describe how I feel right now. I've been shaking all day, not like uncontrollable tremors or something but more from anxiety/on edge feeling.... I just haven't been able to focus lately and I can feel myself losing control - it's so hfieofaaihfiuds frustrating!!! I have the urge to SI, which I haven't had for a very long time...

And now I just want to cry and cry and cry. I should go to bed but 1) I have a paper to finish 2) I'm so anxious I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to fall asleep even if I did get in bed. I'm just tired of this - all this... homework, stress, some professors that don't quite get it (or are unwilling to listen), bad grades, no focus, anxiety. I was so hopeful for a long time that I had finally found the right meds and that I finally had control over my life. The roller coaster ride was supposed to stay at one level!!!

I'm sure this is the most repeated thing on this forum but I have to say it again: I'm so tired of this stupid out of control ride.

[sugahorse1]

I'd suggest try go to sleep. You're in no state to write a paper now anyway. Go easy on yourself and rejuvenate with some sleep.
We're here for you.
If the rollercoaster doesn't level out, you'll need to speak to your pdoc to change and adjust meds. Have you recently been triggered by anything that you can blame this on?

[laur88]

I honestly don't think I could sleep at this point - I'm too agitated. It's a catch 22 because I can't sleep but I also can't focus long enough to write my paper. I really hate this feeling - it's so out of control!

I can't think of anything that could be a trigger... Things have been pretty "normal" for a while.

Hit my eye earlier today and started laughing hysterically but also crying... it was a little scary/weird. I've never experienced something quite like that before. I just have to make it until next Tuesday...

[sugahorse1]

I'm not sure what the time is where you are (Assume middle of the night?!?) but you need to try and focus on something else; give your mind something to keep it occupied with something YOU choose, rather than let it dwell on feelings and emotions.
How about doing a crossword/sudoku?
I assume going for a walk is not on at this time?
Watch a comedy on TV
Phone a friend
Read a book
Partake in hobby

I hope this passes soon; I can imagine how uncomfortable it must be making you

[laur88]

Thanks sugahorse for the support. Ended up getting an hour of sleep, miraculously finished the paper (my anxiety was numbed a bit by how tired I was), went to class and took a three hour nap. I'm doing ok, not great, and hopefully that whole episode was an isolated one.... I guess only time will tell

[sundog]

((((((Laur)))))) Well done for making it through last night. I'm really sorry everything felt so bad. I'm keeping everything crossed that it was an isolated blip. It's great you finished the paper!! Sending you peaceful vibes (((((((((Laur)))))))

[sugahorse1]

Wow - so you managed to get things done - that's a great achievement. Hopefully the anxiety was related to the paper you needed to complete, and that's now out the way. Things should calm down now.

[laur88]

Yeah now that the paper's done I'm doing ok... Still a little anxiety over small things but nothing like the other day. I hate that I can't cope well with stress! It's so frustrating.

[kitty004567]

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better. I know I haven't commented but I've been checking to see how you are doing.

[laur88]

Thanks so much everyone! Wish me luck on paper number 2 - due tomorrow. Yayyy.... Hopefully this time I won't get as anxious - fingers crossed!

[ladyjrnlist]

Originally Posted by laur88

Yeah now that the paper's done I'm doing ok... Still a little anxiety over small things but nothing like the other day. I hate that I can't cope well with stress! It's so frustrating.

You're coping better than you think.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by laur88

Yeah now that the paper's done I'm doing ok... Still a little anxiety over small things but nothing like the other day. I hate that I can't cope well with stress! It's so frustrating.

the worst thing is worry about worrying... don't do it

[sundog]

Good luck with your paper tomorrow!!! (((((((Laur)))))) Keeping everything crossed for you!!!

[blueoctober]

Sorry laur88; I just saw this post. I'm glad you're doing a bit better and I hope you do well on your paper. You are a very determined person and you should be very proud of yourself.

[sugahorse1]

Papers are by nature stressful. Try get them out the way as soon as possible, preferably when you are feeling stable. And just keep looking at the positive - every paper you submit takes you one step closer to completion!

[wing]

The second paper will be much easier, you made it through the stressful period of time, and are feeling better. I'm happy for you! Good job managing it all!

[tcmoon52]

Bipolar is definately exhausting. I have been trying to deal with this for over 25 years, and I have never really found anything med wise or other to keep me off the roller coaster for any long period of time.. The good news is that the rides are not as dramatic. i just try to accept things as they are.