[bmarie]

I'm probably one of those people that experience depression/agitation during the winter months but does anyone else start to feel a sense of anxiety when the holidays hit. It seems when i watch tv and see all the commercials and all of them are holiday oriented and then the mall is the same way. It's like an assault on my senses and I feel foolish but i get an overwhelming sense of anxiety. I'm not sure if it has to do with the new changes at work - they said possibility of layoffs at work. My point I'm hoping i'm not the only one that feels this way around the holidays.

The doc now has me at 1800mg of Lithium and I don't like how the dose keeps increasing because it makes me feel like i'm getting worse. I also take Celexa and Trazadone. I wish the anxiety would go away. It's mostly at night that it happens when by myself. I'm moving back in with my parents which makes me feel bad because I feel like i should be able to do everything by myself/take care of myself. I don't like needing people.

I just want to feel ok again.

Does anyone ever feel like this? If so what do you do about it?

[kitty004567]

You are not the only one who feels that way around the holidays. I avoid shopping this time of year (order everything online) and I don't watch tv...I rent/buy new movies or tv shows to watch on DVD. Welcome to PC. I hope you find support here :-)

[BlackPup]

This time of year is the worst for me too, which is not uncommon according to my T. Its summer here but I still have troubles.
With meds, keep an eye on your lithium level, it should be between 0.8 - 0.12, Talk with your doctor about your concerns, your side effects and how well the drugs are working.
What do I do? With time i have gained greater understanding of why I feel the way I do and that has helped. In the short term, developing techniques like deep breathing, count to 10 etc, for immediate relief, if that doesn't work, excuse yourself and go some where to recover (outside, bathroom, bedroom - whatever works). Positive self talk can also help.
I also find that daily meditation (set your alarm for 5 min and concentrate on one verse/ idea/ saying) or yoga can help to decrease your overall stress level.

Hope this helps

[NuckingFutz]

Nope, you are not alone. As far as the barage of holiday commercials and the overkill at the mall, it's a pretty aggressive media compaign. The crowds, the pitches from companies to buy their products, not all of us feel so ho, ho, ho. Just check out any ER during the holidays and you will find a lot more inprocessing of depressed patients.

What I have done is to pick out the things about the holidays that make you feel warm and cozy inside. It could be somethiing as simple as a cup of cocoa or nice fire or candle arrangement.

But yeah, a lot of us really need the support here to know we are not alone.

Sending you a big, safe hug. Keep writing and soon you will have a pretty good cyber support network.

[blueoctober]

Hi bmarie; I have a hard time at winter as well and it gets worse around Christmas. I have been using a SAD lamp since September and I have noticed I've been better. One of my BP symptoms is I'm highly sensitive to crowds, noises, and smells which around the holidays seems to be amped up by 100. If I have to go shopping the Christmas music is like nails on a chalkboard, so I wear my I-pod. Exercising and eating healthy tends to help my mood.

I would suggest discussing your concerns with your pdoc. There are many med options, so if you feel your med combo isn't working speak to your pdoc about it. I'm happy with my med combo now, but I wish I had discussed my concerns with my pdoc earlier.

[Ryask]

I don't watch TV, and i either try to work the holiday (double time and a half!!!!!) or i hide in my apartment with my hubby and we do something special at home. I just ignore the fact that it's Christmas because i will freak out otherwise.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Ryask

i either try to work the holiday (double time and a half!!!!!)

Hi Ryask I do the same thing. I think part of the reason Christmas can be a hard time for people is if their family dynamic wasn't healthy growing up (abuse etc.) I dreaded going to my parents each year for Christmas because it brought up bad childhood memories. I have stopped going to family gatherings since May and have no plans to go there for Christmas. It may sound harsh, but for me it beats having to relive those memories.

Originally Posted by bmarie

It seems when i watch tv and see all the commercials and all of them are holiday oriented and then the mall is the same way. It's like an assault on my senses ...I don't like needing people.
Does anyone ever feel like this? If so what do you do about it?

Totally feels like an assault to me too. For starters, I pretty much just go to the grocery store and skip the rest. What to do?... lots of it is covered below.

Originally Posted by kitty004567

You are not the only one who feels that way around the holidays. I avoid shopping this time of year (order everything online) and I don't watch tv...I rent/buy new movies or tv shows to watch on DVD.

Do not have tv. It cost money I don't want to spend. Besides (and it took quite awhile to figure this out) it was really triggering for me. I couldn't relate. At all. Which made me feel bad about myself (as if that needs any help!) As far as presents, I reduced my list to extremely tiny (this year, 3). The stress of feeling obligated to get stuff for people I really didn't want to (big believer in random gifting, and do not wish to have a calendar run my sense of giving) or even like(!) (I'll spare you the horror stories of ex MIL, but it basically got to the point I'd beg for nothing. Because it always made me cry that even after 25 years she'd go to these lengths to make clear she'd always thought I was a weirdo anyway.)

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Nope, you are not alone. As far as the barage of holiday commercials and the overkill at the mall, it's a pretty aggressive media compaign. The crowds, the pitches from companies to buy their products, not all of us feel so ho, ho, ho. But yeah, a lot of us really need the support here to know we are not alone.

YES! Life is NOT Hallmark, Norman Rockwell and Martha Stewart rolled into one. Why beat ourselves up trying to measure up to unreality?

Originally Posted by blueoctober

One of my BP symptoms is I'm highly sensitive to crowds, noises, and smells which around the holidays seems to be amped up by 100. If I have to go shopping the Christmas music is like nails on a chalkboard, so I wear my I-pod.

TG for Ipod!!! I can't go to any store any time of year without it. No joke. Even to the point if I discover the battery is low, I refuse to go until it is recharged.(Though it has taken me by surprise. Leave asap.) I also carry earplugs just in case (recent ). Barring that, I will literally rapidly push in and out on my ears -- to make a whooshing sound, and even drone if necessary. I do not care if they think I'm a total weirdo.

Oh! And holiday greetings? I'm seriously thinking about putting a big note on my coat saying, "Do NOT make holiday comment to me!!!" Usually I try to catch them before the point and say, "You can just skip that holiday greeting ****". (Quietly, I don't scream it or anything (!))That may be over the top, but I'm totally sick of ho ho ho being shoved in my face. I can give as well as I take. And I don't even go out during the holidays! I had to intercept one two days before T-day, buying a shovel!!! WTH?! Oh! And you know what I hate even worse? (Is it possible?!) the post-holiday, "So how was your <whatever holiday>?!!!, delivered with excess enthusiasm.) I know it's all meant well (or required by store management), but I get enough people making me feel bad year round, I don't need a seasonal boost!

So am I a total Grinch? Though he is my favorite, the answer is no. With BF, we will put up a little tree and do little things. Very low key. It's the first one I'm actually looking forward to in many many years. The lights are pretty, I love holly and the smell of freshly cut greenery is divine. There is one scene in the Christmas episode (Seoul Mates) of Northern Exposure) that is so touching and beautiful I cry every time.

P.S. I've not been able to post much lately, but (obviously) this is a big topic w/ me.... and... yes, I'm totally procrastinating on cooking T-day. I really really really don't want to, but with all BF and I have been through lately... we kind of need it.

[BNLsMOM]

My childhood memories about it are good, but I married into serious dysfunction. That, along with episodes has caused me to dread the holidays.

[Ryask]

Originally Posted by blueoctober

Hi Ryask I do the same thing. I think part of the reason Christmas can be a hard time for people is if their family dynamic wasn't healthy growing up (abuse etc.) I dreaded going to my parents each year for Christmas because it brought up bad childhood memories. I have stopped going to family gatherings since May and have no plans to go there for Christmas. It may sound harsh, but for me it beats having to relive those memories.

I haven't attended a birthday, thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, family BBQ in more then 10 years, and i am not about to start now. It makes them feel better not me, i'm the one sitting off on my own feeling like crap, watching them brings me no joy.

[Skully]

I hate crowds and they can make me anxious sometimes. The stores are always crowed during the holidays. Also I think the excitement of the holidays can trigger mania and anxiety. At least that is true for me.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Ryask

It makes them feel better not me, i'm the one sitting off on my own feeling like crap.

What a great way of describing it Ryask. I hate the fakeness of it all. My parents beat the **** out of me as a kid and now they're shocked I don't want to spend time with them.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

the post-holiday, "So how was your <whatever holiday>?!!!, delivered with excess enthusiasm.

I hear ya innerzone. My response is it was good how was yours because really the person doesn't want to hear anything else.

[widgets]

Its the worst time of year for me.
Its mainly the crowds, feeling overwhelmed at how happy everyone else is, the pressure not to ruin other peoples holidays, the pressure of having to get things done.
The anxiety that comes with change, the fact its freezing and dark.
Cant see why anyone likes it to be honest!
i just find that staying in after 4 with the radio or CD's or DVD's helps, tv doesnt!
trying to keep to my routine as much as possible and being around people who are positive.
Plus, you can see how many people on this forum feel the same, so there's no need to feel alone, we'll all get through the winter together! xx

[bfoxy41brown]

Holidays have always been hard for me. With 54 family members to buy for I have changed to sewing plastic canvas Christmas ornaments and not buying and I also have been known to purchase online instead of shopping. Being a single mom its hard so I do different things each year. One year I didnt buy for my girls but took them after Christmas shopping at the mall so they could buy what they didnt get from others. One year for the family we played dirty santa with a 10.00 gift. One year I went to dollar tree and bought the family a one dollar gift for each person. I got everyone the glove you bathe with and they loved it. So many people experience depression around the holidays. I try to keep it as simple as possible.

Originally Posted by blueoctober

I hear ya innerzone. My response is it was good how was yours because really the person doesn't want to hear anything else.

Yup, I usually just give a mini-shrug and say, " Alright, how 'bout yours?"

Originally Posted by widgets

...feeling overwhelmed at how happy everyone else is, the pressure not to ruin other peoples holidays, the pressure of having to get things done. ...Plus, you can see how many people on this forum feel the same, so there's no need to feel alone, we'll all get through the winter together! xx

Ahhh, yes, but *are* they happy or just playing along? Sure, many geniunely are, but there's a lot of masking going on too. Even people who like it are pretty stressed out. Probably even a majority. I'm lucky in not having to worry too much about ruining others' holidays as I live so far away... from family and don't have any friends here (except BF). Since they figure I've got no money or time off from work, I doubt it even crosses their minds much.Works for me! (Though I'm still in dread of a phone call, especially from my mother, because I truly can't stand her. Might not happen though! Fingers crossed!) Of course I am trying to learn not to just automatically answer a phone just because it rings! Goals are good right?

And you are soooo right, widgets! We're all here together! Companionship without the crowds or weird family dynamics.

Believe it or not, I'm actually in the midst of cooking a whole T-day feast. (With all BF and I have been going through lately and the relentless day in day out working thing, we need something like this.) Probably good to have started with the most PITA thing, because wow was I losing it, soooo, all there was to throw and slam was utensils. At least it wasn't a pie through the window. And to think, the first thing on the to do list was Xanax.... good grief. Raging on myself and my ineptitude, self-loathing, yada yada. I know how to cook all this stuff, but... I've definitely been back in unstable-land lately. Well, off to gross myself out handling the turkey. Promise not to put in on my head like Mr. Bean, hilarious though that was...

[bmarie]

Thanks all for the replies. The day for me is almost half-way done and so far so good though it felt like time went by quick and some family members did not show up this year for Thanksgiving lunch. Not as much questioning/criticizing about my life (a good thing). I tried to leave early but an aunt told me to stay telling me "it's not like you have anything to do".

Tonight Thanksgiving dinner at my parents. More or less i'm left alone.

I read a post that said about sensitivity to noise- I think i'm like that if i'm stressed out, otherwise i tune it out.

I try to stay in my apt but it's sort of empty *literally*. I'm moving out and there's stuff here in boxes and stuff in storage. It looks like an attempt to order chaos and the noise from my neighbors upstairs and their dogs barking does not help-one of the reasons behind the move.

Overall I think perhaps i'm out of whack a bit due to depression and the lack of structure (the moving) and my routine has been changed due to the holidays. I will try to watch more of my dvds, recorded shows that let me fast-forward and listen to my ipod more. And perhaps hang out at the gym more.

[blueoctober]

bmarie; I hope things start settling soon for you. Moving isn't fun for anyone and add BP to that and it's even worse. Glad you have made it through your day and I hope your dinner tonight ends up being good.