[sunshine285]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forum and I'm struggling with some very vivid emotions right now. I was diagnosed as having BP Type 1 two months ago (after being misdiagnosed as having depression and schizoaffective disorder). I'm 31 now and have only had one "bad" manic episode (which cost me my high-profile career and my "close" friends) and several bouts of depression before and after my manic episode.

I'm also an ACOA and my dad's worsening addiction and my mum's inability to cope and constant unburdening on me, coupled with my high-stress job and other life stresses, triggered my BP episodes. After my mania, I found a psychiatrist who misdiagnosed me as depressed and put me on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. I eventually switched to my current pdoc who correctly diagnosed me and is now gradually switching me to sodium valporate.

That aside, my problem is that I live with my parents and I feel that I have to keep "pretending" when I have my mood swings...because when I get angry, defensive or just plain apathetic about some things, they tell me to "get over it" and "what's wrong with you today? why are you in such a bad mood?" or "i don't know what to do with you". I'm angry, frustrated and sad right now, especially since I still feel a sense of loss and self-blame over all that's happened to me. I've been depressed over the past two days, spent most of today crying quietly in my room, moody and snappish to my parents. I just felt so sorry for myself, and angry...my dad has mood swings (he is in recovery now, has been sober for 3 months...so far) but that's because the years of drinking has affected him mentally. And I was so angry because I was living a healthy life and not drinking/smoking and yet still wound up BP.

Fyi, I am unemployed and a full-time grad student and that's why I still live with my parents. Anyone who has tips on how to make my parents understand that I'm sick and not just "behaving badly", please, please help me here. I feel so helpless

[phlashback]

This is a difficult situation to be in. I was in a similar situation, and it was not until my meds kicked in and I leveled out that the believed that I do indeed suffer with bipolar disorder.

If you can get your parrents to read anything, there are several good books designed for family members of BP patients. I wish i could remember the titles.

Good luck

[Kymaro]

Welcome, I hope you gain some knowledge and understanding here. I'm sure you will. As for advice on helping your parents understand what your going through is a tuffy. It sounds like they have their hands full with their own situations. Maybe get some information on bp and place it around where they can find it. IDK - I'm comming to a blank. Good luck - communication is always a good choice. Being here is good start.

Originally Posted by sunshine285

...and I feel that I have to keep "pretending" when I have my mood swings...because when I get angry, defensive or just plain apathetic about some things, they tell me to "get over it" and "what's wrong with you today? why are you in such a bad mood?" or "i don't know what to do with you"... And I was so angry because I was living a healthy life and not drinking/smoking and yet still wound up BP...

Welcome to the forums, sunshine285!
Hear ya! I was also initially misdiagnosed, got the "snap out of it", "get control of yourself" stuff from the ex... those things are very frustrating and can add to the self-blame. Heck, I even blamed myself for the wrong meds (the ones prescribed while misdiagnosed) for not working(!) You're still pretty newly (properly) diagnosed and feelings of frustration and anger are very common while coming to terms with it.

A VERY important thing to know is that healthy lifestyle does not prevent BP, any more than an unhealthy one causing it, so please don't be angry with yourself over that one. (Granted, a healthy lifestyle does help as part of management, but it's not a cause and effect thing. So keep up that healthy lifestyle and kudos to you!!! )

[sunshine285]

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your kindness and suggestions. I thought I was coming to terms with my illness, but I can see now that I haven't. Does anyone know any good books for loved ones of BP patients? Am thinking of getting one for my parents to read. And yes, they do have their own issues, both my parents are depressed but won't admit it, they have a stressful marriage (lots of lingering issues from my dad's alcoholism I think). I wish I could move out but I can't afford to and frankly, I don't feel confident enough to live on my own yet. I think I need to work on myself for a bit and stop blaming myself for what happened to me because I still do.

Thanks again for listening and for the advice, I'll keep you all posted. Take care....

Sunshine

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by sunshine285

I'm angry, frustrated and sad right now, especially since I still feel a sense of loss and self-blame over all that's happened to me.

Welcome sunshine. It's natural to feel this way. When I was first diagnosed I was pissed. I had a tough childhood and felt I had "paid my dues" and didn't deserve it. Unfortunately life doesn't work that way and I found speaking to a therapist helped me work through those feelings.

A person can't be forced to understand or empathize and I hope your parents decide to educate themselves on the illness. Perhaps asking your parents to attend one of your pdoc appointments would help? If they show that they're not willing to be supportive etc. there's no point beating your head against a brick wall. You need to take care of yourself and ensure you build up a healthy support system.

The book in my signature is for family members/spouses of those diagnosed. Perhaps your parents would be willing to read it.

[PT52]

Hi sunshine and welcome to PC. Looks like you're getting excellent advice already; you'll find a lot of support and understanding here.

What I would add is that if you focus on getting the best treatment you can, your actions will likely influence your parents a lot more than trying to argue the point. A therapist is a great idea, because they can teach you the tools you need.

If you can respect your parents for loving you, giving you a place to live and (even if it's misguided) appreciate that they are trying, it can go a long way towards getting along. You don't have to agree with them to respect them.

I hope that you and your parents will be able to find the balance that you need.