[anchor5]

I just need some support from people who understand what it's like to have a loved one with bi-polar. My husband is bp, and I really want what's best for him but he is not at the point to where he fully admits it to himself and wants to seek help. I know I can't force him to want to change or make him go talk to anyone or get meds, I fully understand that it falls on him - but I need some encouragement. I'm really struggling. We have 5 kids (3 are mine from a previous marriage, and 2 together) and I'm the one who has to keep everything together when he's going through a really bad episode. I know my feelings aren't important at this point, well, not that they aren't important at all, just that the focus needs to be on him and I get that. I don't pull the sympathy card for myself when dealing with him, but maybe I can pull it here. He has severe highs and lows, and it can change several times even within the day. It just depends. When he's really bad, he just moves out. He says he can't handle it, and makes up some excuse about how we just can't talk to each other or my kids (the 3 from my previous marriage) are so misbehaved or something to that effect. (We rarely ever argue and get along great most of the time) He says he needs time to himself to "fix" himself and focus on himself b/c he's always worrying about everyone else. When in actuality the focus IS always on him because of what he's going through. He moved out in August this most recent time, and I gave him the stipulation that instead of him just moving back in when he felt better that I wouldn't allow him to come back unless he was seeing a dr and was on some meds that showed a proven change. I asked him to give the meds 6mo's and then we would re-evaluate. That was 5 mo ago and he still hasn't even seen anyone. The dr he saw before he moved out said that he was in danger of hurting himself or others b/c it was so serious if he didn't pursue medicine so I figured that would help give him the extra boost he needed to start taking something. I'm getting frustrated, and I can't really talk to anyone about it. I'm trying to hold it together for everyone and some days it's just really hard! I do have a great support system in terms of my family, but they've never dealt with this before so dealing with some people that have experience with it would be great. His family won't even acknowledge there's a problem. He should just be able to "will" himself better or "try harder" to be ok. So, anything you can respond with would be great. Encouragement, questions, advice, a kick in the butt to stop feeling sorry for myself....whatever it is. LOL Thanks!

[blueoctober]

Welcome Anchor You're right to seek out support for yourself and I hope this site helps. You sound like you're setting healthy boundaries for you and the children and if you're not already you may want to consider speaking to a therapist. A face to face support group for significant others/family members may also help. The book in my signature is written for spouses/family members of those diagnosed. It's excellent and I highly recommend it.

I hope your husband decides to manage the illness, but you're right you can't force him to take his meds etc. etc.

[ladyjrnlist]

This is a tough one. Keep taking care of your emotional needs. Maybe he should live separately from you all until he gets help? He could visit whenever he is well enough? Would that help you all?

[Ryask]

I think you show great strength by telling him he can't come back unless he gets help. If the relationship is hard on you, i bet it's hard on the kids as well...good for...for choosing some health boundaries for both your children and yourself. it's true you can't really "make him" but have you considered maybe couples counseling? I mean i feel it's kinda..being a bit sneaky but..maybe if he feels like you want to work on the relationship...yourself and him it will be less discouraging then "you have a problem...". Just a thought...also..i want to commend you of seeking support, sometimes that's really difficult, but it shows some really healthy self care and that's really important in times of distress.