[wi_fighter]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm bipolar, but reading the articles on it, I can't say I've had a true manic episode. I see a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks and I'm having a hard time trying to come up with a way to describe how I feel.

When I'm on an antidepressant, usually I feel pretty good if the dose isn't too low. But then there are times when I feel absolutely great, sense of humor is sharper, ideas pop up easier, self esteem perks up (but not grandiose or over inflated, just feel better than my usual "Oh, no one will ever like me" mood), I can get work done without much effort, I feel antsy and don't want to have to be tied to the computer.

Then there are other times when I feel in the absolute pits, can cry at the drop of a hat, feel sorry for myself, helpless, hopeless, want to crawl in bed and stay there, but can't because I have to keep going to hold everything together, yet can't get anything done because I feel so unable to move, can't concentrate, everything seems insurmountable.....

Get the picture?

WHAT is this?

[nothemama8]

Welcome to the Bi-Polar Pool
Angie

[wi_fighter]

Hey Ang, long time no see.

The thing that has me the most perplexed is that the "happy" moments are far and few between, and they're short lived. Maybe a few hours at best.

Bipolar, depressed type?

[dexter]

wi

Maybe you can start with your doc by telling him what it is that you are not feeling that makes you believe that the bp diagnosis is incorrect. He may either use that information to change your dx or explain to you why you still fit the dx diagnosis.

I am not bipolar myself. I do know that there is a type of bipolar that is descibed by having serious bouts of depression while the "mania" part of the diagnosis is very mild, really almost the equivalent of being on an even keel or so called "normal". I think that is Bipolar II, am I correct? If that is correct, what you describe may fit into that category. I assume it is the changes in mood that mark the disorder... I know that since my depression started, my mood does not "swing" at all, I can have periods where the depression is under control, but that is due to meds and a lot of hard work on my part.

In any case you are right to explore this, to advocate for yourself to be sure you have the best dx, and to understand all aspects of the dx. So hopefully if your doc won't change the dx he will explain more in depth so that you can understand it better.

[wi_fighter]

Thanks Dexter. I haven't been diagnosed by anyone other than an internist years ago, and he just said I was depressed and anxious. This is the first time I'll be seeing a psychiatrist ever.

I'm generally not an anxious person, just during extremely stressful times like dealing with my ex husband.

But I'll have times when I feel like I've been plugged into an electrical outlet. A good example is last week I decided that my work space had to be rearranged right then and there. I had a ton of work to get done (for pay) but I couldn't relax until I had that nagging chore taken care of. I was feeling elated that I had this unusual burst of energy and inspiration to solve a problem. I was going fast and furious and it took me maybe 20 minutes to get the old computer unhooked, put away, the cart rearranged, power cords rearranged, dust bunnies swept up, and the kitchen table put in a different position. Then I was doing my transcription like my fingers were on fire. All of this after only one cup of coffee. I have coffee all the time. It never affects me more than clearing the morning cobwebs out, or making it hard to fall asleep at night.

join my BP2 club. that is exactly how i am. few manic times but lows that are lower than a snake's belly.

[wi_fighter]

Thanks Pat. Gawd, I hope I can get on the right meds. I don't mind the mini manic episodes, but it's the crashing afterwards that I can't stand. I feel lower than low because the feeling "normal" state didn't last longer.

[dexter]

>>lows that are lower than a snake's belly.

That's why I bonded so closely with a woman in my first partial program. She was "regular" bipolar, with very high manias, but at the time she was in the group, she was in a very long, very deep depression that matched my own from her descriptions. In fact some of her descriptions, such as thinking of times in the past that were happy, but feeling disconnected to them, like watching yourself in a movie that you never took part in... those were the exact words that I used to describe my feelings while I was an inpatient.

[wi_fighter]

I just took the bipolar quiz and scored a 38. 36-50 is bipolar, moderate to severe.

But I scored realllly high on the adult ADD quiz and depression quiz too.

Argh!

[wi_fighter]

The meds they use for bipolar sound scary. Lithium or anticonvulsants?

[dexter]

My close friend was on Lithium for a very long time, and never had a problem with it. Except when he stopped taking it, because he felt he "didn't need it anymore." He knew better and usually ended up in the hospital after that, but it seems to be an awful temptation that many people succumb to.

He is now on something different, Depakote I think. The good thing is that now there are many other things available. Used to be that if the Lithium didn't work for a person, they were pretty much out of luck. Now there are many other options.

Don't worry about the "anticonvulsant" label either. It does not imply that a bipolar person is subject to convulsions. It is just that some medications that were originally developed to treat one particular ailment, over time it is discovered that they also happen to be useful in other situations as well. There are several anticonvulsant medications that were later discovered to also be effective treatments for bipolar for some people. On the same track, the Wellbutrin that I take for depression is also used and marketed as an aid for people to quit smoking under another name. Just happens that the medication works for multiple things, doesn't mean there is a connection between the two. (I don't smoke and never have!)

Most important thing is if a medicine helps. If it doesn't, or if it seems to have side effects that outweigh the benefits, talk to you doctor about options.

no......i use lamictal, wellbutrin and prozac.

[nothemama8]

wellbutrin sr for me 300 mg a day scared to take more
seroqel as needed to sleep
Angie

[wi_fighter]

Thanks for the info everyone.

I think I found it. Atypical depression. It fits exactly what I go through. I just posted about it in the depression forum.