[Amura]

Hi
New here, looking for some thoughts on the 'fake it till you make it' theory. I am referencing work for this discussion, but if you have any other observations I would love to hear them.
I am in a state of depression right now, feeing terrible and all that goes with it. I have taken a leave from work until this passes, trying some new meds also.
I am supposed to return to work Feb 1st. I pleaded with my therapist today that I was not balanced, still feeling depressed, and having sever anxiety about returning to work.
His response was that my anxiety would continue to grow and the more time I let pass the harder it would be to return to work. He also said that isolating myself from work would only keep me feeling depressed because I need human contact.
I have pushed through my depression before, gone through the motions of life until it passed. I do not feel I have anything left right now to 'fake it' through.
Should I suck it up and try to work or should I continue with my treatment and return when I feel I am able?

[BlackPup]

Some things your T says are true - the longer you wait the more anxious you can get about going back to work...
Some parts of fake it till you make it are valid, the bio-rhythms, contact with people, stimulation etc can really improve depression and the sense of achievement can also improve both depression and anxiety.
It does depend on the level of stress at work and the kind of work that it is... can you go back part time?
What is causing the anxiety, is it likely to improve with time? How much time have you had off? How do you feel in general now?
I would prefer to go back earlier rather than later as I'd just spend the additional time stressing... I spent 3 months off with depression and meds side effects (I was really doped up). I finally get my meds right the week before I went back, my mood was still low but I could do my work (mostly!) I was anxious but because it was already decided, I didn't really think about not doing it. I did the best I could with whatever was in front of me and that's all I could do...
Hope it works out for you.

[blueoctober]

Welcome Amura. Blackpup made some great points. I was on leave from work for 8months. I constantly asked my pdoc to sign me back on work and she refused. I'm glad she did. While I was on leave I took part in an intensive group therapy program (8 hours/day 4 days a week). If I didn't have that to go to I believe my mental health would have become worse. When I returned I had a gradual return to work. For the first week I only worked 3 half days and it increased from there until I was full time after 6 weeks.

It's hard coming back to work after a leave and it's natural to feel anxious about it. When I returned I completely faked it. I held my head high, I spoke to management, co-workers etc. when all I wanted to do was hide at my desk. Perhaps your therapist can have some ideas on how to cope with the anxiety? I find work helps me stay stable and motivates me to manage my bipolar.

What have you been doing while you're on leave? If you're isolating yourself perhaps joining a support group may help?

[Ryask]

When i had to go back to work after my leave....i had a panic attack the first day...so i compleatly understand your anxiety...however...even after the panic attack..i stayed..and plugged through....and now i am fine really...so..i think sometimes our body may have a little tantrum to tell your mind not to do something...but in the end...it really has been for the best.

[reader71]

I think it is probably a good idea to go back to work. As others said, the social contact and stimulation might help you feel less depressed. I think the "fake it till you make it" theory can work sometimes. It has for me, but I also understand how you feel right now. It's so easy to isolate yourself and get more mired in the depression. Push yourself to go back to work, and keep going to therapy and continuing your treatment.

[Direction]

Originally Posted by Amura

I do not feel I have anything left right now to 'fake it' through.

I have expienced over the last year - similar thoughts about not having anything left - it would be nice not to have to masquerade so much to function through out the day.

Sounds like a lot of good advice to consider here? One piece that stuck out - can you return to work with less hours? I know that that helped me return to work after my first two hospitalizations.

[Trippin2.0]

[Amura]

You have all been so great! I work in healthcare, the thing that stresses me out the most is that I do not feel like I am thinking clearly yet. My first concern is patient safety.
I do want to go back to work, but I want my confidence back before I do.
A few years ago I went through this and rushed my way through the process, psyched my self up and got back into life full force.
I have not felt right since then, I never quite got back to my full potential.
I wonder who I really am, I swear I used to be smarter, more attentive to detail, I used to want to continue getting more responsibility at work etc.
The last few years all I want to do is get out of work any way possible.
The most crazy thing is I love my career, and usually it makes me feel very satisfied and happy.

[Direction]

Originally Posted by Amura

I do want to go back to work, but I want my confidence back before I do.
A few years ago I went through this and rushed my way through the process, psyched my self up and got back into life full force.
I have not felt right since then, I never quite got back to my full potential.
I wonder who I really am, I swear I used to be smarter, more attentive to detail, I used to want to continue getting more responsibility at work etc.
The last few years all I want to do is get out of work any way possible.
The most crazy thing is I love my career, and usually it makes me feel very satisfied and happy.

I share similar feelings and it hits home. Thank you for sharing these words.

[venusss]

what if you never feel you are able? The problem with this diagnosis and how it's described in mainstream is that there is major "no,you can't" stigma going on. You need to push and try. Going back to work will give you new stimulation and new things to think about. when one is isolated, they tend to think about themselves... and that is a good thing.

You will never feel perfect... and especially if you are focusing on being stable... and even if you are stable in one environment, you cannot tell what other situation will do to you. You cannot spend too much time pondering about it.

[blueoctober]

Amura, I agree that we can't rush the recovery process. We wouldn't expect someone that had just gone through cancer treatment to suck it up and return to work.

I have a career that can be stressful at times (I'm an inspector with the Gaming and Liquor Commission), but I'm not dealing with life or death situations and there are parts of my job that I can do when I'm unwell.

Do you see a Psychiatrist at all? Perhaps you could speak to him or her and determine if you're ready to go back to work? Either way a gradual return to work program is necessary and perhaps there's a position at work that's less stressful?

[Ryask]

Originally Posted by Amura

The last few years all I want to do is get out of work any way possible.
The most crazy thing is I love my career, and usually it makes me feel very satisfied and happy.

I am totally with you on this one...absolutely..i will do ANYTHING to get out of going...even though i love my job.