[hanners]

Hey guys,

I normally post in the depression forum here. I saw my GP this morning, to follow up on my antidepressant prescription, and she brought up the possibility that my depression may be part of an underlying bipolar disorder. She's referring me to a pdoc for an assessment.

I've actually suspected it for a while, though I don't know if this is actually the case or whether it's just been brought on by the anti-d (60mg Cymbalta). The GP brought it up after I mentioned how lately my mood's been gradually increasing, and then will reach a peak before I just crash and go right back to low mood. This seems to be a repeating cycle. When my mood does peak, I can get very high-energy and productive, but also occasionally maybe a bit overconfident? Like a couple weeks ago while washing dishes, I kept stacking everything higher up on the drying rack even though my boyfriend kept warning me that the pile was getting unstable and was about to fall over.

So now I'm worried what this means for me. I'm pretty sure if it is indeed bipolar, that it'll be type II.

[wing]

it sounds as if you've done some research and recognize some behaviors that might be hypomanic. i would make a list of the things leading you to believe that you might be BP so that you can explore them with the pdoc.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by hanners

So now I'm worried what this means for me. I'm pretty sure if it is indeed bipolar, that it'll be type II.

I can understand your concern. I was first treated for major depression and the anti-d's pushed me into a mixed episode within 3 weeks of being on them. I ended up in a Psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed. I was devastated at first, but now that I look back on it receiving the diagnosis/being treated has saved my life.

If you don't already I would suggest tracking your mood. I use this online one: http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker

[Tsunamisurfer]

Beth's suggestion of a mood tracker is excellent.
I initially kept a journal for months, and felt that a mood chart wasn't able to adequately describe what I was experiencing.
My psychiatrist asked me to diligently fill out a mood chart every day, and the results were alarming to say the least.
At a glance he was able to see how my moods reacted to medication changes, and how long my cycles were lasting, or how mixed they were. It gave us a quick handle on the issues and we were able to spend the rest of each session refining our plan of action to tackle the disorder.

I still keep a daily journal and it provides useful qualitative information when I want to provide my pdoc with the details (evidence) of what I did during a manic state, or how I avoided suicide during a deep low, etc.

Originally Posted by blueoctober

...If you don't already I would suggest tracking your mood. I use this online one: http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker

[Mac Murphy]

hanners...you have gotten some great advice and I hope you are able to process it and find a good pdoc who can work with you to come up with a sound course of treatment. When I was first diagnosed it was a real blow mentally. It was even harder for several years as four different pdocs played with various combinations of meds before my last one came up with a great cocktail that has me well balanced...most of the time. I tried the journal and liked it but I found myself getting distracted and forgot to do it and after awhile stopped. I wish I would have kept it up as I think it may have helped a lot over the years.

On a lighter note... welcome to the family!

Peace
Mac

[Dave255]

What it means is you'll finally be getting treatment to make your life better.

[mgran]

The moodchart really helps... I'm keeping one on medtracker too, and it opened my eyes to how wibbly wobbly my moods actually are.

When I was first diagnosed I was really upset, because I was afraid I was always going to be seen as "mad", but fortunately I've got over that fear. For one thing, nobody needs to know unless you want them too, for another thing, you're the exact same person you've always been... only now you know a bit more about how your brain works, and you can get the help you need.

I remember thinking it was one of the worst days of my life when I saw the psychiatrists letter referring me to an emergency mental health team. Just the word (in my case schizoaffective) seemed like a slap in the face. But in retrospect, that was a turning point. From that letter on things have improved, because they've targetted help for me in the areas that I needed, and I now really feel like my real self again... that girl I'd almost forgotten over the last twenty years.

If your doctor's figuring out how you tick, that's a good thing. Take comfort in the fact that things will get better the more you know about yourself. In the end, it won't be that bad.

[hanners]

Originally Posted by wingin'it

it sounds as if you've done some research and recognize some behaviors that might be hypomanic. i would make a list of the things leading you to believe that you might be BP so that you can explore them with the pdoc.

Here's what I get like when my mood rises:

• high energy, restless feeling
• racing thoughts
• hypersexuality
• overconfidence
• carelessness, not thinking about consequences (sometimes)
• irritability
• anxiety

I've been tracking my mood since November, I'm using an app on my iPhone. My mood's been pretty erratic, it turns out, but what really concerns me is the fact that when my mood gets really high, I almost always crash shortly after.

Originally Posted by Dave255

What it means is you'll finally be getting treatment to make your life better.

Yup, my bf's been telling me the same. I'm trying to remind myself of this but right now I'm feeling a whole lot of "oh **** what's going to happen now?"

I'm especially frustrated because I feel like my body has always failed me. I've had a number of different physical health problems, and now mental health issues too. In fact, I can't remember a time in my life where I haven't had some sort of health issue to deal with, and I want some peace on this front!

*sigh...* thanks for letting me vent here.

Originally Posted by kdd240z

On a lighter note... welcome to the family!

Thanks so much! I'm so glad I have people to talk to that can relate. I hate feeling alone, and lately I've been feeling a lot of alone. I have my bf to talk to, but he's never had to deal with any sort of thing like this.

[MissMay1977]

I was misdiagnosed for 10 years as major depressive disorder and was treated with SSRI's that did not relieve my depression. I don't remember my doctor telling me my diagnosis but I remember seeing it on my check out slip from the appoinmtment. What I am grateful for the most is that the day he diagnosed me, he put me on a mood stabilizer which relieved my depression. Good luck with your diagnosis.