[DarlaKat]

Ugh I'm all alone and I'm feeling really strange right now...I'll start laughing hysterically and then all of a sudden grief sets in. I just want to drink right now to be honest, which I know isn't smart but to be honest I just don't care for myself anymore.

[CesarioRose]

Sounds like a mixed episode to me. I'd not drink if I were you; it may aggravate the mood, and make it worse. You should call your pdoc, and therapist to let them know you're ina bad place right now.

But you know, you're never alone while on PC. Just talk to us.

Actually, if it makes you feel any better, i too think i am having a similar episode. i was terribly depressed last night, then 30 minutes later i was laughing and singing, and having a gay old time by my self. Then woke up after 3 hours of sleep feeling depressed. then by the afternoon, i have been hyper, and manic.

Just sit with it if you can. and call your treatment team!

[mgran]

Hi Darla,
I'm sorry you're feeling so vulnerable right now. I understand what you mean when you say you want to drink. When I get a certain way I think the only thing that will make my brain shut up is drink... but it's not actually true. If you drink now, you're almost bound to feel even worse tomorrow. Hang on in there... what time of day is it for you? Is there anyone you could phone for support?

[ladyjrnlist]

Yeah. Sounds mixed to me. Those are always a blast. NOT. I hope it eases up soon.

[BNLsMOM]

I think I am right there with you. You're not alone.

[sanityseeker]

I am sorry you are having a difficult time right now. As others have said you are not alone. I too have been dealing with mixed episodes the last while. Singing one minute and crying the next. Talking normally one minute and stumbling for words the next.

One thing I do is to attend to my breathing as my mood swings one way or another. I try to focus on my breathing because often times I am either starting to hyperventilate or it becomes so shallow it is almost like I am not breathing at all. I think the other gift of breath is its ability to keep us in the moment and minimize the effects. Like CesarioRose said, learning to sit with it and not let the emotions own you.

I hope things settle for you soon. Meanwhile breath and remember we are here for you and we know how difficult it can be to cope.

[Moose72]

Ugh. I'm sorry. I hope you are feeling better. Those mixed episodes are terrible. And I have resorted to drink just to calm myself but when I drink I feel horrible. Liver and lithium and thyroid meds together = very bad.

[CesarioRose]

hmm, that's funny. we all turn to drink when we're mixed just to handle it. D: Even though we all know it's bad for us... interesting social psychology in work here.

But, DarlaKat, we all care, and we've all been there; we all continue to be there. You're safe here.

[sanityseeker]

I don't drink. I am a terrible drunk. It triggers episodes and heightens mixed episodes. My drug of choice used to be mj but it is not a good thing when I am having mixed episodes. It was great for anxiety and as a sleep aid and so long as I didn't over self medicate it could even lift me out of a depressive episode.

I think you make a good point Cesario. It could make for an interesting study in social psychology. I think may of us learned to self medicate because we have gone years without treatment. At least that is how I look at my own history of self medicating.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by DarlaKat

Ugh I'm all alone and I'm feeling really strange right now...I'll start laughing hysterically and then all of a sudden grief sets in. I just want to drink right now to be honest, which I know isn't smart but to be honest I just don't care for myself anymore.

Awww Iam sorry you are suffering like this sending huggs your way