[Shy_Gemini]

I have bipolar and sever anxiety. I am struggling with non-stop obsessive thoughts, worries, (anxiety). I'm really scared and feel badly about myself lately.

I recently got into a new relationship with a wonderful person. The past two of my relationships were abusive and bad and I hit rock bottom then..

When I'm with my new boyfriend I feel happy and in love for once, feelings I have never felt before, but my anxiety and worries about him are piling up and spiraling out of control and I'm trying not to mess this up. I keep being obsessive when I talk and I am paranoid about him because my past relationships involved being cheated on and feeling worthless and shut down all the time.

In this new relationship, he is so good for me and treats me amazingly and I feel like I'm ruining everything due to my random openness about my life (bipolar, worries etc). I am afraid that I'm not good enough for him and he deserves better constantly.

Does anyone have similar experiences or feelings in a relationship? Does anyone have any advice how to stay positive about him and myself and stop this horrible anxiety? I really care for him...

Any feedback would be great, thank you.

-Shy_Gemini

[Moose72]

I think he either is cool with it or not. And I hear you on the worry as bp is a lot to deal with- from the inside nevermind outside. Talk with your T about this. I bet you'll get new perspective and maybe coping techniques.

[SunReach]

I agree with Moose
I can sympathise with the anxiety, and what I find helpful is trying to teach myself not to get anxious about having an anxiety problem. One level of anxiety should be enough! So don't beat yourself up for it - you are who you are and you deserve what's best for you. I don't think there is a hierarchy in these things, it's simply whether things work both ways, that's how I understand 'deserving each other'. I would say if you worry about being too open and scaring him away just take it slowly - I would avoid bottling it up or start pretending - I have done this without realising I was doing it and it really wasn't a good thing. Give yourself time to adjust and feel safe step by step.
And I'm sure your therapist will have more specific advice on the matter as well.

I hope all goes well

[Nightside of Eden]

I have the same constant, obsessive worries about all my relationships (friends, family, my husband). I do try to hold it back, because I know the constant asking for reassurance that they really do love me is irritating. But I fail at holding back a lot of days, lol.

It seems like if people really do care for you, they'll put up with the somewhat-neurotic worrying, though. My closest friends and family do.

I do find that a good, if temporary, way to stop the obsessive worrying is to do something you both enjoy with the person you're obsessing over. There's really nothing like having a good time together to help you believe in the relationship's ability to last. It can help boost your own confidence as well, to see your boyfriend enjoying your company and having fun with you.

Ultimately I think the only cure for this (at least for me) is to develop self-esteem and get the anxiety under control. And that takes a lot of time and hard work.

[Martina]

I'm not sure how long you have been dating. If it's still rather early in the relationship, then yeah he might be a little weirded out and annoyed by constant talk about your issues. But if this man truly cares about you (which it sounds like he does) then he will care about what is hurting you. He will care about how you feel. He will support you in your trials.

My husband and I have been together for 10-1/2 years, married for 6. We've been through a lot together. Our relationship is not very good right now, but the one thing he has done through all these years is stand by me through my mental problems. Including several suicide attempts, manic spending in the tens of thousands, and multiple affairs (by me, when manic). I do often worry about him leaving me because of the crap I have put him through, but he's still here. Because he loves me.

[PT52]

Hi Shy Gemini, and welcome to BP
A few practical suggestions that might help (I find if I focus on things that make sense, I'm less likely to spiral out of control)
1. Make yourself a lists of truths and read them out loud a million times. For instance:

• My new boyfriend is not _______ or _________(insert names of bad ex-boyfriends).
• I am not my disorder. I am a good person who deserves to be loved.
• I can't change the past or predict the future, so I am going to live in this moment the best that I can.

• Whether this relationship lasts or not, I will be happy for the good I get out of it.

Anyway, you get my point.

2. When you feel like talking excessively about your problems, stop and ask him a question about himself. Like, "What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid?"

3. Be patient! A good relationship will last a lifetime; give it a chance to develop naturally and don't set a timeline on it. I had lots of bad relationships and didn't meet my soul mate until I was 38 and that was 14 years ago. It's not perfect, but it's right and we'll be together for the rest of our lives.

Let love find you; it will.