[UpInTheTrees]

Hi,
I am 26, with Bi-polar. It is hard to for me to deal with my parents. I swear at them to sometimes and regret it. Here is some support, it's not you, prehaps her thoughts are jumbled and she's frustrated with her situation so lashing out at small things. She's just come out of the hospital, it's so hard to make 2 cents out of it, plus in her mind she says,"you want to be fine", like instantly, but thats not possible. Speaking from experience becomes hard to evalute and judge your progress as you recover and your beating yourself up and wondering why is this happening? So your irritable and swear at the people who know you the best and seen all you're worsts-ie parents. I wish I knew what I could do sometimes to stop it...or to communicate better with them. I think with BP sometimes people that haven't gone through it don't understand you and the frustration and it comes out it ulgy forms.

Writing about it here helps.

[Warrioress]

It feels like lots of unpleasant thoughts are cramped inside your head. If writing or talking about it helps, then don't hesitate. Take care

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by UpInTheTrees

I wish I knew what I could do sometimes to stop it...or to communicate better with them.

Hi upinthetrees have you tried therapy or writing in a journal? Both have really helped me. When I'm irritable I try to avoid the people that seem to trigger me more easily. Sometime that's everyone, so I try to do something that doesn't involve other people like exercising or going to the stables. Certainly everyone has their moments (BP or not) and can say hurtful things to others without meaning it. Unfortunately when we do the guilt can make things worse and the cycle just continues. I hope you're feeling better soon.

[Trippin2.0]

Hope u feel better soon hun! Please keep us p0sted ok...

[Joy1010]

Originally Posted by UpInTheTrees

Hi,
I am 26, with Bi-polar. It is hard to for me to deal with my parents. I swear at them to sometimes and regret it. Here is some support, it's not you, prehaps her thoughts are jumbled and she's frustrated with her situation so lashing out at small things. She's just come out of the hospital, it's so hard to make 2 cents out of it, plus in her mind she says,"you want to be fine", like instantly, but thats not possible. Speaking from experience becomes hard to evalute and judge your progress as you recover and your beating yourself up and wondering why is this happening? So your irritable and swear at the people who know you the best and seen all you're worsts-ie parents. I wish I knew what I could do sometimes to stop it...or to communicate better with them. I think with BP sometimes people that haven't gone through it don't understand you and the frustration and it comes out it ulgy forms.

Writing about it here helps.

Hi - I am fairly new here too. I am the mom of an adult daughter (age 22) who I believe has BP or some other type of related disorder. She is in denial and/or not wanting to share with me so I'm not really sure. She also just got out of hospital and perhaps if you hear from a parent's perspective may help you a bit?

She is very angry with me at tmes and yesterday swore a blue streak at me. I still love her, will always love her -- and I believe this lashing out is in part due to her own frustration with her illness. I don't blame her for it but I am learning to let her know that the swearing at me is not acceptable. I am still learning on how to cope with this. As a parent, my advice to you is to try and share as much as you can with your parents because likely they have your best interests at heart -- the more they know about your condition/illnessa and how you feel.. and what your struggles are -- the better they can deal with it. I don't know how easy or hard that is to do -- I am finding out that this journey is hard for both the adult child and the parent who is trying to support. I don't have all the answers but I hope you find some comfort in knowing that your parents probably understand you are struggling and love you all the same!
I hope you continue to work with your doctor to find the right kind of treatment so you can live a life that is as happy as possible

[UpInTheTrees]

Hi guys again,
I have to rant again.
Its a guilt that is boring me today.
Its long and jumpy to forewarn.

To add a bit more to my story. I was released a few mouths ago from the hospital for a relaspe. I am working on feeling better and finding my way. Living at home can be a drag, but I inside I would like it to work for now. I am rebellious at times and get frustrated and feel guilt. Sometimes I hold anger or frustration in (not even due to folks but just my ideas inside) and I release it with yelling or swearing at my parents. I can relate to you Joy 1010 (feel free to write about any concerns about your daughter, I can give you some of my perspective coming the BP adult child side).

It is hard for me right now because I feel pressure internally and guilt about not making good rational decisions as I try to recover.
The thing bothering me is this.

I've been at home for about a month or so and the majority of my interactions are with my parents. I feel anixous and reluctant to outreach to my friends and I think its because I feel embarassed and I just don't know what kind of feedback I need or want. Sometimes I feel I just want to hangout with them just to feel normal again, but all my topics of conversation come back to my BP. In therapy on friday I spoke with my therapist (explaining my social anixety struggle and isolation; I don't want to isolate and I feel in the past when I was healthier I did find comfort going out with friends. For me, my key desire or goal is to be able to contact my friends for support or help when I really need it, when I am vunerable...I feel I closed off and put up this front, which now I don't feel comfortable with anymore, it limits my ability to connect deeper with my friends.

This weekend, I was taking a motorcycles course to fullfill my driving requirement to get my licence near my home. I decided to contact a friend and just try to get some interaction. He called back on Sunday and I pushed to see him at least just to talk for a bit, I haven't seen or spoken to him for a month. I decided to me him after my class for dinner. When I got home my parents had started fixing a nicer dinner as kind of a congradulations for getting through the 2 day course. I paniced because I already to committed to my friend who took the bus (1.5 hour) to come to the city. I called him back but he was already on his way. My parents told me to reschedule but I felt in a jam. I told them that I would pick him up from his stop and take him home so that aleast I'd be able to see him and chat and be back intime for dinner. I could tell my parents were upset, but still let me go. I didn't know that they were planning this and on any other sunday it would have been a regular dinner.

I went and picked up my friend and came back right away. But it took about 1.5 hours, to come back and forth. I could hear the disappointment in my parents voice and they ended up eating before. Today I talked about it with my Dad more. He felt I got in a kind of hipo manic mood and seemed frantic to see my friend.

He commented that I'm always like that, putting my friends first and they are used to it now. I reflected on times in the past and this tends to happen alot, I noticed now. I feel guilty and I feel I didn't make a good decision. It depressed me, things don't seem to go right when planning with my folks. I let them down alot of the time. I don't want to do it anymore. I wish I had better ability. Yet it's tough also to feel that I want to meet a friend for that social connection than just to be alone and isolated or sheltered by my folks. I struggle with getting this balance. Am I going back to my previous tendency's?...Am I not being mindful to myself in terms of good balance and social interaction with others outside of my parents? Can I overcome this and get better at it?
I feel frustrated with these matters and guilt today.

Thanks for listening.

Ele

[Joy1010]

Originally Posted by UpInTheTrees

Hi guys again,
I have to rant again.
Its a guilt that is boring me today.
Its long and jumpy to forewarn.

To add a bit more to my story. I was released a few mouths ago from the hospital for a relaspe. I am working on feeling better and finding my way. Living at home can be a drag, but I inside I would like it to work for now. I am rebellious at times and get frustrated and feel guilt. Sometimes I hold anger or frustration in (not even due to folks but just my ideas inside) and I release it with yelling or swearing at my parents. I can relate to you Joy 1010 (feel free to write about any concerns about your daughter, I can give you some of my perspective coming the BP adult child side).

It is hard for me right now because I feel pressure internally and guilt about not making good rational decisions as I try to recover.
The thing bothering me is this.

I've been at home for about a month or so and the majority of my interactions are with my parents. I feel anixous and reluctant to outreach to my friends and I think its because I feel embarassed and I just don't know what kind of feedback I need or want. Sometimes I feel I just want to hangout with them just to feel normal again, but all my topics of conversation come back to my BP. In therapy on friday I spoke with my therapist (explaining my social anixety struggle and isolation; I don't want to isolate and I feel in the past when I was healthier I did find comfort going out with friends. For me, my key desire or goal is to be able to contact my friends for support or help when I really need it, when I am vunerable...I feel I closed off and put up this front, which now I don't feel comfortable with anymore, it limits my ability to connect deeper with my friends.

This weekend, I was taking a motorcycles course to fullfill my driving requirement to get my licence near my home. I decided to contact a friend and just try to get some interaction. He called back on Sunday and I pushed to see him at least just to talk for a bit, I haven't seen or spoken to him for a month. I decided to me him after my class for dinner. When I got home my parents had started fixing a nicer dinner as kind of a congradulations for getting through the 2 day course. I paniced because I already to committed to my friend who took the bus (1.5 hour) to come to the city. I called him back but he was already on his way. My parents told me to reschedule but I felt in a jam. I told them that I would pick him up from his stop and take him home so that aleast I'd be able to see him and chat and be back intime for dinner. I could tell my parents were upset, but still let me go. I didn't know that they were planning this and on any other sunday it would have been a regular dinner.

I went and picked up my friend and came back right away. But it took about 1.5 hours, to come back and forth. I could hear the disappointment in my parents voice and they ended up eating before. Today I talked about it with my Dad more. He felt I got in a kind of hipo manic mood and seemed frantic to see my friend.

He commented that I'm always like that, putting my friends first and they are used to it now. I reflected on times in the past and this tends to happen alot, I noticed now. I feel guilty and I feel I didn't make a good decision. It depressed me, things don't seem to go right when planning with my folks. I let them down alot of the time. I don't want to do it anymore. I wish I had better ability. Yet it's tough also to feel that I want to meet a friend for that social connection than just to be alone and isolated or sheltered by my folks. I struggle with getting this balance. Am I going back to my previous tendency's?...Am I not being mindful to myself in terms of good balance and social interaction with others outside of my parents? Can I overcome this and get better at it?
I feel frustrated with these matters and guilt today.

Thanks for listening.

Ele

Hello again UpInTheTrees!

Thank you for offering to give your perspective -- we may be able to help each other a bit?

After I read your last post regarding the dinner your parents planned and your arrangement with your friend -- I will tell you what my initial thought was (only my opinion remember). My first reaction was this was a miscommunication that could have happened between any child and his/her parents - with BP or not. Considering the fact that you were recently in the hospital and are now trying to adapt and re-integrate with your friends, my opinion, based on what you said above, is that your parents could have handled the situation a little differently. Being in the parental position myself, even though I may have been disappointed in the lack of communication, I would like to think I would put my child's needs first. You are the one trying to recover and if seeing your friend was important to you, then I believe your parents should support you, providing that friend is a positive influence in your life. (I know my daughter has since made contact with an ex-boyfriend who used to provide her with coke and I will not support or condone her seeing him)

Putting your friends first? I don't know how old you are, but there comes a time when a child becomes an adult and the parents should not be the sole focus of the child's life. Parents should want and encourage their children to have healthy friendships and should want them to become independent and self sufficient -- it helps promote positive self esteem!
I'm not saying adult kids should disregard their parents/family, but I don't think it's unusual for friends to be very important in a young adult's life. Providing you treat your parents respectfully and enjoy 'some' quality time with them, I don't think you should feel guilty for spending time with friends. (I think back to all the time I spent with friends when I was younger... didn't we all do that/?) I don't know, maybe I don't know the whole story.... I just hate to see you beat yourself up over this.

Feel free to vent further!! (I may be doing the same shortly!) My daughter just left me a message and I will be calling her back. I hope it's a good conversation... I just never know... but I am trying to learn from people here on how to deal better with this. I am also going to see someone professionally for some advice too. Thank you for listening!
Hope this helped a little?

[PT52]

Hi UpInTheTrees,
If you can look at the situation about the conflicting plans with as much objectivity as you can, you will see that it's not a catastrophe. You will beat yourself up a whole lot more than necessary. Your parents will get over it. Did they let you know ahead of time that they were preparing a special dinner? If they didn't, then your guilt is totally unnecessary. Even if they did, you didn't commit a felony; cut yourself some slack. You recognize that this has been something you've done in the past - that's the first step to doing better in the future.

My therapist told me there are only two things you ever need to know about your parents: 1. They did the best they could. 2. They f***ed it up.

I think that means we should be grateful for how hard they try and forgiving for their mistakes. I guess the same could be said about a child. I'm a grandma myself and I still have misunderstandings with my mom.