[DivorcedWoman]

I'm BP 1 and I went through a horrific divorce and custody battle. Started off with supervised visitation and 3 years into it obtained 50/50. My ex got all the friends and my siblings in the divorce. We are planning our summer activities for our child and swimming is one of the activities we have to decide on. I'm leaning toward not doing it at all because of my social phobias but my son wants to do it really badly. He even told me today his heart would be broken if he didn't get to do swimming. We did it last year and it was super intense and emotionally draining for me. There are meets two to three times a week. The weekday meets are 4 hours and the weekend ones are all day. To compound my phobia that my ex-friends will be there. His girlfriend is at most of the meets and of course she is now friends with all of my ex friends so I feel very hurt and replaced and just plain horrible. Plus my ex's girlfriend hugs and kisses my son right in front of me and that is hard for me too. If I sit away from them my son wants to be with my ex friends because he is friends with their kids so basically I'm stuck sitting at these meets all days feeling like the black sheep for 9 minutes of actual swim time. I'm fortunate that I have someone special in my life but he has a young child and they can't sit with me all day and hold my hand. I've done all activities with my child to this point and have never said no and of course I have to deal with my ex, his girlfriend and ex-friends in other situations, but the swimming is so time intensive. It's not like the other activities that are 1 hour long which I can stomach. I feel like such a woos for not just stepping up to the plate and doing it for my son, but it is extremely painful for me. Every option I've thought about sucks.

1. Don't do swimming - son is upset and it is good for him too!
2. Do swimming - let ex take him to the meets. Ex gets all the bonding time with son and I'm sure my son will say why aren't you coming to the meets mommy.
3. Do swimming - take him 50/50 like we did last year. Observe ex-friends, ex-husband and his girlfriend all hob nobbing and son wanting to be with them even if I try to distance myself from them and feel like a piece of **** and that he is better than me. (Please note I've tried to make some new friends but it has not been easy. I don't know if old parents or friends have told new parents that I'm bipolar and to stay away from me. Don't know what ex is saying, but try to schedule play dates with kids and parents don't return my calls or initiate calls to me for play dates. Offered to take my ex-friends kids for a day when they were going through a tough time and they never responded to me. I've got 50/50 now and the courts sure as hell wouldn't give it to me if I wasn't stable. I've been stable for 4 years now!)

Feedback, Advice, Thoughts?