[thundereagle]

I think because I'm bipolar and my mental health history, my family blames me for everything. Whatever I think is wrong and what they think is right. I've tried to talk my family members into educating themselves about my illness, but they have yet to do so. I've also ask them to go to support groups with me and nothing there either. Am I to disown my family? I have no idea how to deal with this. It makes me very unhappy. Any ideas? Please help!
Thundereagle

[Moose72]

I think people see it as a personality flaw and that you're just being a jerk. Or freaky. Or lazy. ....

[onlymedid]

Unfortunately, you can't make them go to groups or therapy with you and you can't make them do anything they don't want to do. Trust me, I know what you are going through. I have had to basically disown family. Sometimes doing that makes them realize they are doing something wrong.....sometimes they stay away.
It sucks and I am so sorry you are going through this. Know that you have people here that understand and you can talk to.

[embracinglife]

it sounds like you family isn't really helping you out much, and may be making you feel worse. Maybe you should keep some distance with them and set some boundaries so that their harsh words and blame don't affect you so much. Just know that you deserve better treatment than that. I'm glad you're here.

[Disenchanted]

I have the same issues with my mother. I've tried to tell her for a long time that something was just not right with me. Last week I told her I had finally decided to go see a pdoc again. She told me "well if you want to waste your time and money then go ahead" She told me to take some B12 and get over my pity party. It really hurts because in my mind she is supposed to be one of the people that love me the most, however she just can see outside of her box. I just need to remember that is her problem not mine. I also distance myself from her which works pretty well and I can't really discuss how and what is going on with me. I do however have great support from my brother, my boyfriend and an aunt of mine, so that makes a huge difference. Try to surround yourself with people that will be there for you and support you in however you need support to get better. I wish you the best of luck and remember you are not alone!

[PT52]

Hi thundereagle, and welcome to PC. I hope you stick around for a while - folks here are awesome!
There are so many ways to cope with family issues, and none that is a one-size-fits-all. I've spent a lot of time lately wondering how I would handle things if I had no support at all. It's really a black and white answer - I either become my own support system or I give up. I expect there are a whole lot of people that don't have anyone, but still find a way to get by and even thrive. There's a point to this, trust me!
When people we love don't behave the way we want them to, we take it personally, we assume we know the reasons, and we have expectations of them that may not be fulfilled. You don't have to disown your family - it's possible to love them even if they aren't able to give you the support you need.
What you can do is start with the goal of being your own support system--the one thing you have control over. Allow them to have an opinion, listen politely, thank them, and continue to do what's best for you. The more you show that you are being proactive, the more you show that you are accepting of them, the more likely it will be that they will come around.
It's possible that they may never come around; don't take it personally - it's their problem. And since you will have the assurance of your own ability, you can be more tolerant since you have you as an excellent support system.
I hope that helps - and don't forget, we BPs here at PC are a pretty good support system, too.

[mgran]

I'm sorry your family are like this... just be aware that they're not always right, and you're not always wrong. They shouldn't treat you as a lesser human being because you have an illness. What they're doing is prejudice, pure and simple.

Perhaps you'll need to take a step back and breath. (((hug)))

[DivorcedWoman]

As hard as it may be I wouldn't disown them just yet. I think there may be a point when you have to do it if it becomes dangerous to your mental well being and believe me I've thought about doing it too...see my story below. How long have you been dealing with this?

I am hurt by my family everyday but I just try to keep plugging along. Unfortunately I don't trust my siblings because especially one of them is very close to my ex and includes him in family events where I'm not invited so my conversations with them are very superficial. I rarely if ever share my hurts, struggles, etc. for fear of the information getting back to my ex and quite frankly they rarely if ever ask anything specific about my life which hurts too. One particular sibling includes my ex and my child in an all family vacation that I'm not invited to and it's so painful. I did do some hurtful things during the two manic attacks I had, but otherwise was a hardworking, supportive pillar in the community and was a friend to my siblings so it's interesting that they wouldn't get that it is the disease and not the person. One of my parents was Bipolar too so we grew up with issues surrounding that but people unfortunately discriminate with this illness. I highly doubt they have educated themselves on the disease and unfortunately probably never will. I too might have to disown my family too but I think you also have to be aware of the future if something bad comes up you might need their support. Who knows if my siblings will be there if something bad comes up for me but I just take my meds, regularly meet with my physchologist and psychiatrist and live a clean life. Hopefully they will see beyond the Bipolar at some point and not in my opinion label me the black sheep of the family. I've been dealing with this stuff for about 4 years.