[DivorcedWoman]

I was reading a post in the forum about family and responded to that post but thought I would post the information here as well. This user was asking if they should disown their family. I said no for now not knowing how long the issues had been going on, but said if it was causing you to have mental health issues it might be necessary. I've sure thought about disowning mine. Granted they beat me to the punch at the start and my siblings pretty much disowned me but we do things now on a very limited basis.

Here's my story. I had a bad manic attack and my ex kicked me out of the house and got sole custody of our child while I got supervised visits. I was angry with one of my siblings during the attack and supposedly said some hurtful things and sent some nasty emails which I don't recall. Of course she kept them according to one of my parents and in my opinion still hasn't forgiven me for these actions. She is very good friends with my ex and takes my ex on vacations as she is quite wealthy. Right after I had my attack she said she didn't trust me and of course my ex had custody so she had an excuse to take my ex and not me on the vacations. The start of the hurtful vacations were ones that were joint trips with my siblings, their kids, my ex and our child. One is actually coming up soon so I'm feeling pretty down about things.

It's really interesting how we get judged on actions we do when we are having a manic attack and people don't take into consideration all the of the good things we did do when we weren't in the throes of our illness.

It is all very ironic that one of our parents was bipolar and they still don't really have compassion for me. One of our parents wasn't super involved in our lives but they worked hard and were successful in their career and supported the family financially. Yes, my parents did stay together which I understand in my research only about 10% of couples with a bipolar person stay married.

So, I have a very superficial relationship with my siblings. I rarely if ever share if I'm struggling with something and just plain share extremely limited information with them as they are good friends with my ex and I'm worried and concerned that anything I say will go directly back to my ex. I just frankly don't trust them! One of my parents pointed out that they will not be there forever and you need to try your best to keep the relationship going so if something does happen they will hopefully be there to support you when I'm gone. I really don't know if they will be there or not for me, but it's not completely effecting my mental health so I'm going to stick it out. I've been dealing with this stuff for about 4 years.

Any thoughts, feedback, etc. would be great! I'm also trying to post different facets of my story so I can get approved for chat.

[mgran]

I'm really sorry to hear that you've gone through this horrible experience with your siblings. It's shocking that they haven't acquainted themselves with your illness, particularly given that one of your parents also suffered from bipolar. Perhaps they're in denial because the whole issue is so painful, but really... to side with your ex, even to the extent of taking him on holiday... that's shameful.

How are you coping with this? I mean, do you have mechanisms and support in place to help you? I can't imagine how cut up you must be to have lost custody of your child. The illness itself can be devastating, the divorce, the family breakup... and that on top of it... you have my admiration. You're here, coherent, reaching out to others, self aware... Really, you should be proud of yourself. You're a survivor.

Hope you get okayed for chat soon. I'm sure you will find it helpful, and also that you'll be able to help others.

Look after yourself.

[blueoctober]

That's brutal divorcedwoman. Your sister's actions aren't excusable, but part of the issue may have come from her own experiences with having a parent with BP. My mom has BP and growing up wasn't a positive experience. The issue with being a child in the situation is we can't choose who we have in our lives. As an adult we do have options and perhaps what your sibling is doing now is trying to rewrite the past by dismissing your feelings and being hurtful. This may actually be directed at your parent, but she's using you as the punching bag. Just a thought.

We can't choose our family, but we can choose who we allow in our lives. We all need support, but it just may not come from our family (it doesn't for me either).

[DivorcedWoman]

Thanks for the posts and input. I think that it is a good point that they may be taking their anger on my dad out on me. Luckily my meds have been stabilized and I've been doing really well for about 9 months now.

So the "family" trip is coming up and I'm going to Texas to spend time with my mom who has been in and out of the hospital since November. My brother lives near her and has been taking care of her so I'm covering while he and his family are gone. I gave dates to my brother that worked with my custody schedule but said I could come for longer if necessary and he said he thought the shorter time period was fine. Then my mom asked why I wasn't staying longer and said that my brother didn't understand why and my sister also said a deragatory comment to me about being there mostly on the weekend. I ended up talking to my ex and asking him to take my son for a few days to stay longer, but I am so angry that they are talking behind my back! I'm so frustrated that they are taking my ex on the family vacations and they are talking behind my back too! I just feel that they are being so insensitive.

[blueoctober]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not a nice feeling to know people are talking behind your back. Have you considered speaking to a therapist? That has really helped me come to terms with my family issues.

[DivorcedWoman]

Hi Beth,

Thanks for the feedback. Yes, I meet with a therapist weekly and see my psychiatrist every 3 months so I'm covered on that front. Was pointed in the direction of NAMI and found a Bipolar Support group in the town next to me and the meeting was last night. I'm so excited about the group. There were a couple of women there my age and we have some similarities with divorce and child custody issues so I look forward to doing more with this group. I saw my psychiatrist Monday and see my counselor today so that will be good.

Thanks again,
DivorcedWoman

[blueoctober]

That's great DivorcedWoman I'm glad you found a support group that you like.