Sui to Org@smic in 3.8seconds

Wooooooohooooooooo!!!!!!! Talk about a switch!!!!!

I have settled down to mild hypomania as I write this:

I woke up this morning feeling like death, hopped into the car and took the kids to school.
On the way home I suddenly felt light headed - the traffic around me seemed surreal. At the next intersection I began laughing hysterically at some pathetic spoof on the radio, while yelling to the car in front of me to "move it" and "get out of here" because it was milliseconds slower than I was. I don't recall being highly irritable at exactly the same time as being ridiculously amused before.

I got home, and began working on various quotes and setting up photo shoots for my fine art exhibition work. (I have been avoiding working with models for the last 9 months.) Now suddenly I have a passion to express with an intensity I only knew during pre treatment manic episodes.

Thinking back to a wedding last Saturday, I found myself wanting to be allowed into everybody's personal lives, and feeling deeply rejected by their completely unreasonable need to protect their privacy. I am part of the world. You can't shut me out! You can only hurt me by pretending that I am not part of you - that I can't feel or already know you! Bewilderment, frustration, passion, can't stand still. Got to move. Got to move. The vacuum cleaner starts up. Suddenly I'm running around the house (I work from home) holding my ears, and jumping around like a kangaroo, switching on the kettle, opening and closing a door completely randomly, sitting down, getting up, switching on the kettle again, picking up the phone, dunno - put it down again, doorbell rings - a model arrives... @£$% now what? I'm still out of my tree.

Down to the gate - hugely excited and loud "welcome" and suddenly remember not to give her a huge gushing hug because I haven't learned her name yet. Finish the interview after successfully setting the conditions and a date for the shoot.

I phone a model I have worked with before, and she (has BP too) is in trouble with a manic episode. After a short chat we agree on a photoshoot, and I am over the moon ecstatic. Danger. Danger. Danger. Don't get carried away here, dude. Sigh. and so it goes on.

Definitely time to check those lithium levels, I'd say.

Brick wall, ringing ears, tunnelling effect looking at screen in front of me. Feeling scared. What is going on?!

Anxiety?

Hey, Moose
Good morning
It is such a funny thing. I don't feel particularly anxious about anything in life - like there is nothing I'm dreading, except for the experiences I am having - those are spooking me. When the computer screen looks weird, like I applied a zoom photoshop effect to it, and I see dark objects shooting past in my peripheral vision (I'm alone in a closed room), I start getting rather disconcerted.
I've still got that feeling like I have a formula 1 engine revving behind me waiting to sprint away, without me having any control - just like earlier.
I suspect I am just so hyped up that my perceptions are playing tricks on me.

Could be. Keep a close eye on it. I don't always have z reason for anxiety. Things darting from peripheral vision are normal - or can be. Maybe you're hyper-aware tight now.

I think you need some sort of med, anti-psychotic or similar, to calm yourself.
Please be careful you don't make commitments or deals you will regret later

Yip. Promise. Cross my toes and hope to ... er... nevermind. I'll be good

I hate making pdoc appointments when the universe is so beautiful! They always just spoil it. Sigh! Ok. Here goes. I'm picking up the phone...

Yeeeehooooo! Done. Appointment for 12h30, 12 April 2011.
So lets see now: new springs needed for the trampoline, to last another month, extra insurance on the car tyres, new national flag to fly from my car, ... (1 000 000 other great ideas)... and I have enough Lithium to see me through.
Um. moment of insight. what am I going to do with the downers until then...
Oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

You mean depression?

Yep. I'm driving my wife nuts at the moment, but when I get this high the low that follows a week or so later is usually deep depression. Here is where we get to see how well my suicide safety harness (lithium) is working.

No crazy driving please! Or you'll need a 1.1l Atos to keep you driving slow!
It's good that you are aware of how things usually map out.
Off the topic-have you ever used a Miss South Africa as a model? My friend was the 2009 one.

Thanks Suga.
I've driven one of those, and they terrify me. Ok, it was in Cape Town with the wind howling and a whole lot of roadworks to add to the unevenness of the road.
I had my blood levels taken today, which meant I had to miss my morning Lithium & Epilim. I don't know how much of this was psychological, but I felt very vulnerable. Eyes wide and hyper-vigilant, startling at every sound.
The pathologists were full of ****, and I would normally have let them have it, but I forced myself to hold back. I felt very shaky. Everyone carried on having a great day, and I left feeling quietly swindled - but at least not destabilised. edit: not destabilised until I had the most mind blowingly out of this world delicious grape 10 minutes ago. Angels were singing the Hallelujah Chorus as I succumbed to its rapture. I get shivers just thinking about it.

Off the topic, no, pageant modelling is not my focus. I have done a fair amount of fashion, beauty and glamour work, but my preferred focus is on natural beauty and fine art expression. Occasionally I get fashion models wanting to diversify their portfolios, but it usually gets pushed in the direction of glamour... and I don't feel too good after shooting that stuff.
It gets into the whole issue of the "ideal image" being sold to women by the media. And a lot of that stuff is just plain unhealthy.