Contemplating Suicide

I know it will pass. Everything does.

I'm relieved you're feeling a bit better ((Warrioress)). Sorry the bad feelings are coming in waves. You're right these feelings will pass. Would it be possible to tell your doctor that have these thoughts but you're not in danger and see what he recommends?

I was wondering if you could share why you picked the name 'Warrioress'? I consider myself a survivor because I've had some tough disappointments the last 8 yrs. I had to get constructively mad to stop myself from sinking deep - maybe you need to do this too.

Warrioress-
My heart goes out to you. Please get emergency help. Get to a hospital emergeny room, call a suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255), call the police and ask to be brought to a hospital. I am so glad you are asking for help. I was there 3 weeks ago, and had a suicide attempt. I thank God every day that I survived.....and now I am making slow, but long-lasting changes in myself to help me enjoy and accept life. I changed my pdoc...started going to support meetings. At the time though, I believed I was hopeless, that nothing could every change, and I just wanted all of my suffering to end. Now I can accept that life does have pain in it, and that I can have a joyful, worthwhile life even when it does have pain. I'm so glad you are reaching out...now seek safety.....please........

I've had five suicide attempts so far but the last one was more than a year ago and for a while I had started to believe that it was over; now the shadow of death has come back to torture me.

I don't even know why I want to kill myself. I guess I'm just tired of these ups and downs; tired of knowing nothing will last. This low mood will give its place to an unnatural happiness, then anger and anxiety and THEN it will come back and the cycle goes on forever.

Warrioress- I too have been there. I landed up in hospital, and my pdoc organised for me to see a T. I have since changed T's, but the one I'm with now has saved my life. I have been able to phone her, or text her, when things get too much. I can basically get her to make the necessary decisions and phone whoever she feels will be able to help me. Even get an ambulance to fetch me.
It helps to know someone cares-can you speak to a T? Can you speak to your friend? Just being able to share, and having someone to check in with you; that will make this much easier to deal with.
And as you say-it is just a cycle and will pass.
The scary situation arises when the cycle doesn't pass quick enough, and we can't look out for ourselves.

And the hospital is NOT a bad place. It is safe and caring, no responsibilities and you get to unwind and allow the cycle to pass

Mental health care isn't that good here in Iran. I visit my pdoc once or twice each month but I don't have a therapist and I don't expect the psychiatric ward to be a pleasant place.

I don't want to die by suicide. I don't want to cause pain for the people I love. I don't want to be remembered as a weak person.Then why, WHY can't I stop feeling suicidal?!

Hey Warrioress,

You are really needing to contact your Psychiatrist I think.... or other people who can help you before you do something. Is there any orgnaisations in Iran that deal with Mental Health some place where is safe and where you can openly talk about your feelings?

You really need to talk, so if you feel better talking here talk away we are here to listen

No organization that I know of. My psychiatrist isn't available now either (it's 11:30 p.m. here)

Is there a close friend whom you can contact at this time of night..... a safety network?

I have friends, but I don't want to make them worried.

sometimes it's enough just to be around people and talk about this and that... provides one good enough distraction.

Glory to heroes!

HATEFREE CULTURE

Warrioress,

As you see, you have friends, many friends, around the entire world. Friends who really do care about how you feel and what you do. We know how you feel about terminating yourself, because most of us have felt that way before and know that we'll feel that way again. Right this moment, we, your friends, need to know that you're doing the best you can to take care of yourself. And that means, right now, your getting in touch with people who can help you, either directly in person or by telephone. There's only so much we can do on the internet. It is not really a good substitute for face-to-face contact or even telephone contact. We understand and appreciate that you do not wish to bother your friends. But this is exactly what friends are there for: to help one out in one's hour of need.

Tomorrow, you can call your P-doc. Tonight, you need to call your friends. Again, through PsychCentral, there are now people all over the world who know of your trouble and care very, very much about what happens to you. And those people (us) feel helpless because they are so very, very far away. Please, do your international friends a favor, telephone to your local, Iranian friends to whom you can speak and with whom you can meet if necessary. Out here, we very, very much want to hear that your crisis has been dealt with by people who care for you. That's just what we would do if we were in your city or county. Please. Help yourself. Call your friends in your town, regardless of the time of night and regardless of whether or not you wish to bother them. This is what friends are for. All friends. Local friends or international friends. Please take care of yourself. We care for you.

Warrioress-how are you now? I'm in a similarish, lol, timezone to you. I'm online now if you just want to chat

Please work on a support network close to you. Find a friend you can confide in, and discuss that's ok that you phone him/her in times like this. Let this person know what an important role they play, and what measures you want them to take to help you.

Ygrec really put it so well - we all care for you, but there7ks only so much we can do to help. Please keep safe!

Again, thanks for caring. It's just so difficult for me to talk to my friends about these feelings. There are several reasons but the most important ones are that I don't want to upset them(specially as one of my close friends whom I can confide in is getting married soon) and that I don't want them to think of me as a weak person (my best friend has said more than once that she thinks only weak people think of killing themselves).

It has nothing to do with being weak. It is not a decision you make, but rather your illness talking

Please be safe

I think in your case it is cultural and in that case it is being hard to deal with... still you would be suprised that maybe some of the people you know feel like that sometimes too.

Your thoughts do not make you weak, so they come and go... and one does not have power over them... You should not dwell on them and if you feel you cannot do this alone... reach out, please.

Glory to heroes!

HATEFREE CULTURE

((((((Warrioress))))))

Hang in there sweety, you can make it through this. Everyone has such good advice. I don't know if it has already been said, but if you really feel you can't stop yourself seek immediate medical attention. We really do care. Please take special care of yourself.

Hi Warrioress - please let us know how things are going.

I hope the thoughts have eased up a little and you can find the strength to push through this.
Is it possible to find a T to speak to? Are there ANY medical options you can explore?

Things were really ugly for me last night, but I didn't do anything. I talked to my sister and she managed to calm me down a bit. Today I went to a psychotherapy center and asked for an appointment. I have a two month long wait before it's my turn though. I went to the psychiatric hospital as well, but I couldn't bring myself to talk about my situation and left without saying anything.