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  #1  
Old Apr 04, 2011, 01:09 AM
spino spino is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2011
Posts: 3
I am twenty one, and show symptoms of mania and depression. My father was diagnosed as bipolar when I was a kid, although I've seen a therapist I've never attended long enough to be diagnosed. Within the last year I've dealt with my minor rapid cycling through stress management. Anxiety was a major trigger.

It's funny the way life works...

I met a guy in January and we fell for one another. The last few months have progressed rapidly, but I believed we were both on the same page. Initially when I met him, he was kind, patient, and humble. We've talked about marriage and kids, the connection has never been better.

Within the last month though I noticed a significant change in him. We began fighting every week, he began throwing ideas around that I thought of him as an object or that I didn't appreciate him. Within the last two weeks, he became more aggressive and easily provoked. He spoke of himself as a wolf, who would lead the pack. He began to associate himself with other males who had disorders; the famous Daniel Johnston, or his friend with Aspergers, or nephew with Autism. He spoke at a rapid pace, and couldn't seem to slow down. He would listen, but not hear anything. He started to become demanding too, he demanded I cook for him, yet never came to eat the food;becoming engulfed in writing raps about his life.

Through all of this I began to think I was in some sort of emotionally abusive relationship.It wasn't until this past week, when he took his five year old nephew in the middle of the night to my home, that I became worried. The next day I tried to make the best of it by getting the boys to the zoo, but my boyfriend was so concerned with making a film about his nephew, who has Autism, that he didnt even enjoy our company. On our way there he experienced moments of what looked like euphoria followed by crying. This lasted almost the whole day.

He was admitted to a treatment center this weekend, where he escaped and was arrested when he broke into another building. They finally submitted him into a place where there is more security and attention to safety. I haven't been able to see him since he's been there. His family tells me that they did diagnose him bipolar and that it does run in his family as well.

My boyfriend uses a low dosage of adderall recreationally on the weekends,
and smokes pot a few times a week. He drinks 5 out of 7 days. We think that amphetamines might have tripped him up. He is a college graduate living at home with his parents, working for his parents in a field he isnt passionate about. He has high stress levels and college loans dont ease that.

I've been sort of a mess but Im trying to become informed in order to get a better grip on things. I am quite impulsive, and to be honest an enabler. I'm worried for many reasons, what if I dont even know his baseline, what if I dont know him at all? How am I to handle being impulsive if he needs the stability he does? How can I manage some of the feelings of depression and mania I experience from his episodes?
I'm hoping to see him sometime this week, once he's had his time to himself.

Im sorry if Ive run on a bit. I dont have family around me, so all the support I could get would be appreciated.
Thank you.

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  #2  
Old Apr 04, 2011, 11:18 AM
LookingforCalm's Avatar
LookingforCalm LookingforCalm is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 248
All you can really do is be there for him, but you have to set boundaries too. For yourself. Then then enact those boundaries with him.

When you know you're being impulsive, stop and think for a moment. It helps. I do the same thing sometimes.

As for your boyfriend, hopefully this stuff can help. I actually posted this list for another user, and I hope it helps you too. Sometimes researching the diagnosis can give you a better understanding as to what to expect, or at least how to deal.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=...oks-Submit.y=0

In the meantime, I would suggest some therapy for yourself. You're dealing with a lot, and now are under a tremendous amount of pressure feeling like you have to care for him. What you need to realize that dealing with his illness and your issues doesn't mean you need sacrifice yourself. You need to work on you a little, so you can handle yourself and then handle him without enabling him.

You came to the right place looking for support. We're here! I hope this helps. And I hope you help yourself too. You seem very caring, but always remember that caring doesn't mean you have to take care of everything BUT you. We tend to lose ourselves when someone else is having a crisis.

Take care!
Thanks for this!
hope1234
  #3  
Old Apr 04, 2011, 11:19 AM
hope1234 hope1234 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2011
Posts: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by spino View Post
I am twenty one, and show symptoms of mania and depression. My father was diagnosed as bipolar when I was a kid, although I've seen a therapist I've never attended long enough to be diagnosed. Within the last year I've dealt with my minor rapid cycling through stress management. Anxiety was a major trigger.

It's funny the way life works...

I met a guy in January and we fell for one another. The last few months have progressed rapidly, but I believed we were both on the same page. Initially when I met him, he was kind, patient, and humble. We've talked about marriage and kids, the connection has never been better.

Within the last month though I noticed a significant change in him. We began fighting every week, he began throwing ideas around that I thought of him as an object or that I didn't appreciate him. Within the last two weeks, he became more aggressive and easily provoked. He spoke of himself as a wolf, who would lead the pack. He began to associate himself with other males who had disorders; the famous Daniel Johnston, or his friend with Aspergers, or nephew with Autism. He spoke at a rapid pace, and couldn't seem to slow down. He would listen, but not hear anything. He started to become demanding too, he demanded I cook for him, yet never came to eat the food;becoming engulfed in writing raps about his life.

Through all of this I began to think I was in some sort of emotionally abusive relationship.It wasn't until this past week, when he took his five year old nephew in the middle of the night to my home, that I became worried. The next day I tried to make the best of it by getting the boys to the zoo, but my boyfriend was so concerned with making a film about his nephew, who has Autism, that he didnt even enjoy our company. On our way there he experienced moments of what looked like euphoria followed by crying. This lasted almost the whole day.

He was admitted to a treatment center this weekend, where he escaped and was arrested when he broke into another building. They finally submitted him into a place where there is more security and attention to safety. I haven't been able to see him since he's been there. His family tells me that they did diagnose him bipolar and that it does run in his family as well.

My boyfriend uses a low dosage of adderall recreationally on the weekends,
and smokes pot a few times a week. He drinks 5 out of 7 days. We think that amphetamines might have tripped him up. He is a college graduate living at home with his parents, working for his parents in a field he isnt passionate about. He has high stress levels and college loans dont ease that.

I've been sort of a mess but Im trying to become informed in order to get a better grip on things. I am quite impulsive, and to be honest an enabler. I'm worried for many reasons, what if I dont even know his baseline, what if I dont know him at all? How am I to handle being impulsive if he needs the stability he does? How can I manage some of the feelings of depression and mania I experience from his episodes?
I'm hoping to see him sometime this week, once he's had his time to himself.

Im sorry if Ive run on a bit. I dont have family around me, so all the support I could get would be appreciated.
Thank you.
Hi there. I am new to this site as well. my 20yr old son was just dx bipolar..i don't have any words of wisdom, i just wanted u to know your not alone. the people on here have been very supportive and helpful to me, so i'm sure they will reach out to u as well.
  #4  
Old Apr 04, 2011, 05:28 PM
vjdragonfly's Avatar
vjdragonfly vjdragonfly is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,835
Spino I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. Being newly diagnosed there will be a trial and error period until they find the right meds. Being supportive, but not enabling can be a fine line. I agree counseling is a good idea for you. Also, if you have not been diagnosed bipolar, I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist. You have to take care of yourself too. I really hope things work out for you.
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Seuss
  #5  
Old Apr 04, 2011, 05:33 PM
spino spino is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2011
Posts: 3
Thank you for all the support!
I picked up books at the library today on understanding more about all of this and what part I need to play in all of this. It was extremely helpful, I'm visiting him for the first time after the episode on Wednesday. What I've read so far, and your suggestions all point to being supportive but not overemotional or controlling.
I realize now, after reading about some of the social and genetic stresses that can trigger this, that we are all potentially at risk. I'm concerned with the reoccurrence that happens after he becomes stabilized, I think that's what I'm adjusting to most. It's scary not knowing what may or may not be stressful for him, after this episode.
As far as your son, you'll get through this, there isn't another option. We all have to, at least together. From what I read an emphasis on some sort of social normalcy is important. I was sad to hear that this disorder can be de habilitating to people's dreams, family relations, and friendships.
I think balance can help us all get through these types of things. We're human, we're flawed, but we can all make a conscious effort to stay centered. I'm gonna try to stay centered and educated.

Hell, last nite was a disaster, but today was so much better.

Good luck to you and yours!
Thanks for this!
hope1234
  #6  
Old Apr 04, 2011, 05:35 PM
spino spino is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2011
Posts: 3
Thanks, you're right.
I might even try couples counseling if we agree on it. It'd be constructive to work this out together with someone's guidance.
My boyfriend loves Dr. Seuss, The Lorax means a lot to him.....
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