[Side of the Angels]

I was diagnosed Bipolar a few months ago. I have since stopped seeing my therapist. I am in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction. I have been clean and sober for 20 months.

A day in my life can differ drastically, depending on what my illness decides for me. Since being diagnosed, I have been able to identify certain times when I am about to be down or when a manic episode will come on. I am way more down than up. I'd say 65% of the time. I am up about 20% and balanced(neutral) the rest of the time. I usually know immediately upon wakening how I will feel that day. Most days have been neutral lately, the past month or so. Most days though, I have extreme difficulty waking up at 630 to have coffee with my boyfriend and then wake my 3 children up to get ready for school. If I do get up at all, I usually end up going back to sleep after they leave. I feel like I am on sleeping pills most of the time. The only medication I take for mental stability is Cymbalta 60mg. a day. A day that I stay awake all day is rare. I nap a lot. For about 3 hours at a time if I can. Doing daily chores that everyone in the world does is a serious challenge for me. I am too tired to do laundry, wash dishes, vacuum, or do any mundane cleaning activities. It is mostly mistaken for laziness by everyone else, and I'm sure a part of it is that I know now that I have this disease and this is part of it so I subconsciously allow it to continue for longer than it normally would. Some nights, even on my down days I tend to stay up late. Though the past 6 months I have been going to bed around 10 or 11 pm. and waking up at 630. I just want to sleep all the time. It doesn't matter how much caffeine I take, I am always sluggish and lazy, sloth-like and sleepy. Not even depressed. I just want to sleep. The sleepiness gets worse when I do have to deal with a situation I have no control over. Any kind of life situation that normal people deal with every day. I just want to sleep. No matter how much sleep I get, I am still sleepy. I could wake up late, take a nap later and go to bed at a decent hour and sleep in the next morning, and wake up sluggish and slow and sleepy. I hate that most of my days are like this. I want more than anything for them to be cut in half at least. I hate my life and that way that I feel most of the time. I feel like there is absolutely no point to my existence most days. I just wanna sleep!

As for my up days, they tend to last me one or two days at the most. Sometimes my mania will last only a few hours and then drop off into a depression or even neutrality. When I am high(manic) I am goofy. I feel as if I am a ten-year old child with a hula hoop and cotton candy. I have no cares. Everything is immensely funny. I am elated about everything. I feel incredibly positive. I want to share my positivity with the whole world. I am outgoing, to the point of irritation to others, especially in public. Some people view my actions and may think I am on some kind of drug. I rationalize certain thoughts or behaviors much easier that I would in neutrality. I feel special most times in mania. I feel as if I have an untapped resource of knowledge, wisdom and abilities that no one else has, or few have. Mania make me elated! It frustrates me, and some others in my life when my mania turns into a depression or neutrality. I wish I was manic most of the time. When I am manic, I am nicer. I am a better mother, I am more fun to be around, and I get so much more accomplished. I can spend one afternoon high(manic) and clean up everything from the two weeks I had been depressive. and more. I have so much energy, like speed almost, and I am thrilled to do most things. The total OPPOSITE of the down days. When I'm down I get severely IRRITATED when I have to do normal tasks. When in mania, those tasks are a joy even, I go out of my way to help others, I feel better. I dig mania.

Neutrality is rare and usually lasts me a few hours at most. Occasionally I will have a completely neutral day, neither manic nor depressive. I won't notice I'm normal until one of the other episodes hits me or I do a check. I check my mood often many times a day, but usually only once a day.

I have not been taking any medications specifically for manic depression, as my symptoms were not severe enough to warrant any. I did get referred to another psychiatrist for meds but she doesn't take my insurance. I feel meds would help my down days reduce drastically. Anyway that's my story for now.

[Confusedinomicon]

If you are bipolar, don't they typically put you on some kind of mood stabilizer along with an anti-depressant? I would think that the first line of defense that would be used for someone who is bipolar is a mood stabilizer. I find it strange that they would only treat the depression. Generally, the idea of taking a mood stabilizer is to help level you out so you feel less highs and lows and feel stable most of the time, and they add on the anti-d to help relieve depression symptoms if they are still there. (And there are various meds in other classes that help with this too)

Welcome to PC. I hope you're able to find a new doctor soon.

[Side of the Angels]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

If you are bipolar, don't they typically put you on some kind of mood stabilizer along with an anti-depressant? I would think that the first line of defense that would be used for someone who is bipolar is a mood stabilizer. I find it strange that they would only treat the depression. Generally, the idea of taking a mood stabilizer is to help level you out so you feel less highs and lows and feel stable most of the time, and they add on the anti-d to help relieve depression symptoms if they are still there. (And there are various meds in other classes that help with this too)

Welcome to PC. I hope you're able to find a new doctor soon.

Thank you much! I am working with my Psychologist to get 3rd and 4th opinions. I haven't yet started any medication specifically for the manic Depression. When I find the right doc i will. thanks again!

[Anneinside]

I was tired like that and found out that I have sleep apnea. Since you keep "waking up" (a slight arousal to breathe) all the time you sleep then you don't get restful sleep. I now use a cpap most of the time at night. When I can't because I'm congested, I find that I am more tired and have a harder time getting up in the morning. One of the most observable symptoms is loud snoring. If you find that is true, you might want to talk to your medical doctor to see if you need a sleep test.

[Side of the Angels]

Originally Posted by Anneinside

I was tired like that and found out that I have sleep apnea. Since you keep "waking up" (a slight arousal to breathe) all the time you sleep then you don't get restful sleep. I now use a cpap most of the time at night. When I can't because I'm congested, I find that I am more tired and have a harder time getting up in the morning. One of the most observable symptoms is loud snoring. If you find that is true, you might want to talk to your medical doctor to see if you need a sleep test.

That is a thought. I do wonder if I have something disturbing my sleep. Thank you!

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by toolesque

I have not been taking any medications specifically for manic depression, as my symptoms were not severe enough to warrant any.

Welcome. Congratulations on being clean and sober.

I would say from your post that something is going on and if I was depressed/down 65% of the time I would consider that to be severe. As far as the sleeping I find I get that way when I'm depressed. I hope you find a new Psychiatrist soon.