i've discovered that my lows outweigh my highs (bipolarII) so much more and have to find more ways to cope with that. i know that i can't open myself up to very many, when i'm having a low. i have to have more boundaries and trust less. i don't mean any of this in a bad way. but self-preservation is more important than swimming in the sea of someone else's "support". as Sarahl has said ( and tunia) stepping away and taking a deep breath before revealing too much is very important here in cyberspace. i used to believe that it was okay to look for unconditional support...as an example. i had learned, long ago, that in my family..it ain't gonna happen. i've tried giving it. but i do believe that we bipolarbearians have to really be very careful about giving too much....our wells, at times, can be very shallow and we need that life-giving love for ourselves. xoxoxo pat

[darkeyes]

Very good point and post, thanks.
Sincerely,
Roe

(((((((((((( Pat )))))))))))))))))


PS
I like that saying you have there, by Dennis Wholey

[dexter]

Yes that is so important on the internet and IRL too.

And especially difficult when we are depressed if we isolate, because we may tend to bring our boundries waaaay in (allowing no one to help) and then go overboard and reveal too much when we find the need to reach out.

I think the "step back/deep breath" approach is a good idea. When one is feeling really badly and desparate we may be in a rush for support, so what I like to do is remember that the "step back" time isn't delaying my chance to get support, but rather it is part of it, and as long as I am moving to get help while protecting myself then I am on the right road.

Pat I suffer only from depression so I know that end of it. In one of my groups I befriended a bipolar woman who was going through a prolonged depressive period, I connected to her because the way she was describing her depression was the same way I described mine.

It was good to have someone who not only understood but was on the same page (this was in therapy so we were both getting help) and to be able to work toward wellness together and "compare notes" (one has to be careful doing that, of course, since people respond differently to things).

[bipolar_bear]

I tend to stay on the manic side but when I do get depressed I know how vulnerable I can be. This is when it is so important to have the support I need. So, I agree that it is important whom I choose to gain this support as some may be unable to provide it to the level I need. When I don't get the support I feel worse as it seems to confirm the worthlessness I am feeling at the time. I do think that a good step back and evaluation of those we are choosing to entrust with our feelings is important to make sure the relationship is positve. Cyberspace does have its own challenges to finding these "right" relationships.

[ozzie]

I'm not bipolar but I see this as a very good post for any of us Pat. I've learned to be less open with some of my thoughts and feelings as a result of being hurt.

[TgrsPurr]

Hmmmmm, Pat, I have mixed feelings about what you and others have said about this issue. The most important words you said is "self preservation". Depression automanically, instinctually, psychologically presents as a given. It takes very little of a decision making factor. Depression, by definition (in my opinion), is by it's nature a very "self" oriented response, absorbed in the misery, lack of self worth, lack of motivation, going inward...pulling inward response. This is not healthy. It is during these times that we most need to reach out for support...finding that support is important. Necesary. From what you said in your post, this is not situational depression, but only the chemical imbalance of bipolar by it's very nature. It is in these times that we MUST remember this. This presents itself as a comfort zone.
Always prepare for a soft place to fall during these times. Movies, art, music, nature, reading, going to places you have found in your "normal" times to be satisfying and gratifying. Personally, I believe here is the best place to get people support because it IS reaching out in a safe and controlled enviroment...by ppl you KNOW to be support, encouraging, compassionate, experienced and perhaps in that "balanced" place that allows us to see the real truth of your depression.

I don't know if this is making sense here, I'm struggling to find the right words to make this comprehensable for you and others.

Thinking of you.
TgrsPurr, xo.