[dal37]

so to start things off this weekend should have been awesome for im on a mens softball team that got to travel to seoul south korea for a tournament. However, after speaking to my wife i found out she was on the camping trip with nothing but single horny military dudes that want to "be" with my wife. She did tell me she was going, but i asked her for us and our relationship(and how she is manic, she was manic this weekend) not to go on a camping trip with that company. she went anyway and cheated on me yet again. Ever since she went manic, she hasnt said more than 10 words to me. and they have all been hurtful and like she would rather have one night stands with these loser guys than to have me home and close.

i am really at a stand still in our relationship. i love her to death, but idk if i can handle being intimate with her ever again. for a few reasons. 1 she said she will always cheat on me, 2 she said she actually enjoyed having sex with this guy 3 ever since she started cheating on me she is embarrased to get naked in front of me, but she is completely fine with it in front of some random one night stand. i went to a counselor against my former experiences being a waste of time just to see if i could get some good advice. guess what? i didnt. all he did was piss me off. he didnt let me say 2 words. and the only thing that halfway was decent was the fact that he said go home write down the reasons you want to stay in the marriage and the reasons why you want to leave the marriage.

PS thank you for the warm welcome everyone.

i just hope one day she will be stabilized and infidelity free so we can move on and be happy. i honestly cannot see myself with someone else. she is my world. i know that because although i have been halfway across the world for 3 months from her in a place with a lot of affairs and whoring. all i see and think about is her and how great it will be to see and hold her again.

[Confusedinomicon]

Remember, YOU can't fix her problems, YOU can support her. If she has no intention of managing her problems and getting medical help for her mania there is nothing you can do. It isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself for her behavior.

Right now, as hard as it is to hear, this is not a healthy relationship. I wish I had some words of encouragement, but mania isn't an excuse for having sex with random men. I've been with the same guy for nearly 4 years now and I get those feelings when I start to get manic but I've never had an affair with another guy. Using bipolar as an excuse is unfair to the other party. :\

I know I wasn't much help. Sorry. :'(

[blueoctober]

From your post your wife sounds very cruel. If she's not willing to take responsibility for her actions and manage the bipolar I don't see a relationship being able to work.

I'm not a Psychiatrist, but it sounds more like borderline personality disorder than bipolar.

[lotusflames]

being bipolar makes us do things that we woulodn't usually do. i'll admit to having cheated once however i didnt mean to do it nor would i want to do it and i certainly didn't enjoy it.

it sounds to me like she's doing this to push you to your limits. are you sure you want to be in this relationship?

We say things that hrut when we're manic, that's true however, what is she like when she's not manic? Is she on medication? Getting any help?

[dal37]

Originally Posted by lotusflames

being bipolar makes us do things that we woulodn't usually do. i'll admit to having cheated once however i didnt mean to do it nor would i want to do it and i certainly didn't enjoy it.

it sounds to me like she's doing this to push you to your limits. are you sure you want to be in this relationship?

We say things that hrut when we're manic, that's true however, what is she like when she's not manic? Is she on medication? Getting any help?

yes i want to be in this relationship. yes shes on medication. yes she is getting help. but she has been screwing up her routine lately and taking a lot of afternoon naps. which from reading up on bipolar disorder are two big no nos. and when she isnt manic she is the woman of my dreams and is very regretful of what she has done. but i cant believe that if she loves me and wants me as much as she says she does that this would happen. i know when shes manic she tries to run me over and in a way with us so far apart she can cuz all i can do is text her or a phone call or skype. she wants to be used and abused when shes manic. and thats easy when im around but not from halfway across the world.

[wing]

I think, if she has been diagnosed as bipolar, she is in dire need of a med adjustment. Her mania is more than just a mood swing, it is on it's way to becoming full-blown. See if you can get her to go to her dr for a med change.

If she doesn't have the desire to change, I think you should move on. No one deserves the kind of treatment you're getting, and you are highly likely to becoming co-dependant in this relationship if there is not some sort of intervention.

[dal37]

Originally Posted by wingin'it

I think, if she has been diagnosed as bipolar, she is in dire need of a med adjustment. Her mania is more than just a mood swing, it is on it's way to becoming full-blown. See if you can get her to go to her dr for a med change.

If she doesn't have the desire to change, I think you should move on. No one deserves the kind of treatment you're getting, and you are highly likely to becoming co-dependant in this relationship if there is not some sort of intervention.

so she is full blown depressed right now. she is trying to convince herself and me that she doesnt want to be with me. as much as it hurts and as much as she says it i wont believe it cuz i know its not true. im hanging tough for now but her doctors need to do something with her meds. but she also needs to get back in her routine again. hopefully i get to come home soon before she does anything drastic or stupid

[wing]

dal, what do you plan to do when you get home?

[dal37]

Originally Posted by wingin'it

dal, what do you plan to do when you get home?

i will do everything i can to make sure she gets the treatment she needs and the support she needs and drill it into her head that we will make it through this. ill do my best to keep her on schedule and take a lot of the at home stressors out of her responsibility. and hope for the best.

[Moose2]

You can't control her erratic behavior. If she is unwilling to change or work on her issues or seek marital counseling, it's not worth any more of your time. I have seen people with BP use it as an excuse for bad behavior. Mania may be putting thoughts in her head about cheating on you, but SHE is acting on them. If you continue to let her hurt you, she will become a trigger for your own issues.