It's back, I'm down, who cares?

A slightly better day today.

BNLsMOM. Slightly better is in a good direction. May it continue for you...

BNLsMom,
It sounds like you have been having a really hard time lately. I hope that you can find the strength to find some hope, even though I know it's frustrating to be looking ahead at such a mountain of uncontrollable ups and downs. I hear that you are giving up, ready to give up. Do you remember a time of calm, of comfort, of not feeling this way? I know what it's like to feel trapped by your own brain chemistry and set of circumstances, and there have been times that, looking back, I can't remember how I survived myself. But I guess, if we know this is a cycle, we can look forward together to the upswing, however hypo or short the duration.

Weekends are better for me because the family is mostly together and I have more help with the boys. I hope I can continue feeling better during the week. I feel like the edge has been taken off so I can handle to down mood a little better right now.

We're out of money now and don't get paid until my disability comes in next week. My husband will be paid in June so we have to make everything last until then. We will have to take out of savings to pay the mortgage this month. Thankfully we have savings because I didn't impulsively spend it when my retroactive lump sum came in from disability. I was tempted but I couldn't decide what to spend it on.

I just hope I can maintain myself until things get straightened out. I hate the giving up feeling and I osscilate between giving up and marching on several times each day.

This week we aren't going to be able to buy a birthday present for my mother in law who is going to take it badly. We'll bring her flowers but for some reason my mother and father in law show their love in the number of or the expense of the gift. My birthday is this week and I don't think we can afford to do anything. I like to celebrate my birthday. My son's birthday is also this week and I don't think we will be able to get him a gift either. We had to move his birthday party to a later date because we can't afford the food this week. This stuff is all stressing me out in a big way.

So I've decided I can't afford a vacation now anyway.

Oh, and I am listening to my husband who is on the phone with the bank because it looks like his debit card got hit and he has lost the last bit of money he had in his account.

I am glad your weekend has been good and you are getting help with your kids. Here's hoping it last.

I hope you can maintain too. Too bad about the vacation though.

Today is my birthday and I have mixed feelings. I usually like my birthday but I don't think we are doing anything to distinguish it from any other day. I know it is just a day on the calendar but it isn't arbitrary to me because it is the anniversary of the day I was born and marks some milestones in life. So far I have heard no mention of eating out or getting a cake. We are too poor today anyway. If I were born a week later, we would have some money to celebrate. Oh well.

My dad got sick at my house last night and I had to call 911. It turns out he is OK but it was scary until we knew what was going on. I am so grateful that he is OK and I am looking at that as a gift in my life.

I know that despair but definitely DONT give up, after years I am on the right combo of meds, Lithium, Prozac and a Thyroid pill and I feel NORMAL whatever that means

to you on your birthday, BNLsMOM!

(and of course with cake...one must ask...

So glad to hear your Dad is ok...

Happy Birthday!

I have just started reading a book called less than crazy. I have Bipolar 2 and I feel like I am reading about my life. There is so much that I did not realize was part of this disorder.

Sweety, happy birthday. Could you still celebrate your birthday next week when some money comes in. It would be a Happy Belated Birthday.

my very first time and my first comment: Im SOOOOOOOO there. You took the feelings right out of my head and put them into words..Thanks.

I have been looking for someone just like me. I think I found you. Today...I have anxiety, depression, paranoia, and I want to cry, but can't. How does one know if they need to go inpatient? I'm so sick and tired and find myself envying normal people. My therapy and meds help some, but I'm always one bad thing happening from being thrown back into these episodes.

I had a little downturn today, but I had been doing better for a few days there.

BNLsMOM Hopefully it is just a short little downturn and you will be back to the better again....