[wing]

We all know MI has a genetic component. Should we roll the dice, have as many kids as we want, and hope for the best?

Very tough question and personal decision for everyone.

My own decision has been no for several reasons:
a) I know my illness is genetic and I'm not doing that to any other kids
b) I can't go off medication long enough to get pregnant and stay pregnant - let alone deal with all of the hormones that go along with pregnancy
c) Petrified of postpartum depression
d) Petrified of not being able to handle motherhood due to my own illness.

[Omers]

I decided very young not to. I have some cousins that are OK so far but others not so much. The ironic thing is that I decided to adopt a special needs child that in all honesty is what I think I would have given birth to if I had kids... Many in my family are put off by his MI!!!!!! they can't see it in those genetically tied to us but the can sure point it out at every opportunity to the adopted kid!

It is a very difficult question for many. I also know that my decision to not have any biological children has been the primary reason for the failure of my relationships with the guys I have dated. Almost all the times I got dumped were because I held firm on NO biological children.

[Fresia]

This is a very personal decision for everyone.

I appreciate you bringing it up as it weighs heavily on me as of late, and does every so often. I adore family. I always saw this for myself. However, I know from personal family history, even w/o genetic research, it is genetic and the research only adds to it, so the probability is great of it being passed on. Then as mentioned above, the risks associated with the chemical component of being able to go off meds long enough for pregnancy and out of one's system not to influence it while remaining safe during and after while meds get back to level on top of hormones. Then there is the added pressures and stresses (and joys) of bringing up children, in a roller coaster and that they will probably have one of their own to contend with. With all of this, I have chosen not to but with lament.

It influences who I have been able to continue dating in the past and now, as many people I have things in common with, they value family as I do. My fiance ended our relationship when I finally got my diagnosis as he looked down the road; he wanted a family, we both did, and he did not want this for his children. I had not made the decision about this for my kids yet, I was still in shock over everything, but I understand why he did not want this. Since then I can see the effects it has had, both sides of the coin as some with BP have lives that are fully enriched and managed but for those that don't, I'm not willing to take that gamble for my kids lives; with my family history, it has not been well managed or barely managed to date. Perhaps this will change as more treatment/better options become available but I cannot risk it now.

[Miss Laura]

I agree with all the others...

Very personal and I decided when I was a teenager I would never have kids. I could not put them through all my moods and stay a healthy parent and have a healthy normal relationship with them.

My Cousin has asked if it is a phase and if I will change my mind and I really don't think I will. I am happy enough being the "mad" Auntie who can hand the kids back when needs be.

Everyone is different though

[SingDanceRunLife]

I really want to have at least one biological kid of my own. I also want to adopt. As others have said, it really is quite personal. I'm adopted as are most of my siblings (6 out of 8)...and adoption is great and all, but I just think there's something so special about having kids yourself.

I'm only 20 though, so things could change. I'm not however not going to not have kids because of the risk of passing on MI. There's a genetic risk for many ailments...MI, diabetes, cancer etc. I personally don't think that's a reason not to have kids (again, just me, personally, not judging anyone who thinks differently). If it has to do with medication (not being able to go off or not being able to be stable that's okay to be on while pregnant etc), then I'll have to deal with that then.

[SoupDragon]

When I am with my kids I can truely be myself - yes I get low and sometimes they see me cry, but I tell them that everyone feels sad sometimes even grown ups. But they also see the fun side of me - playing with the hose pipe in the garden, getting muddy, being generally silly. The down times are hard, but the good times are great. Yes an individual choice, but for me and I hope for them, the right one.

[Gus1234U]

i was only 5 when i realized i never wanted children, likely from taking a good look at my parents, and realizing i never wanted to be them.... there are too many humans on the planet now,,, do the world a favor and ,,, don't.....

[onlymedid]

It's a very personal decision and one that my husband and I have talked about at great length.
We are going to take our chances at getting pregnant and hope that our child doesn't have a MI. Some may think it's a selfish decision, but we really want a baby of our own.
I, too, worry about post-partum and handling myself off most of my meds while pregnant, but my want for a child is overpowering that worry.

[HalfSwede]

Sometimes I really wish I'd had kids, but like a lot of others here, I decided long ago not to. I don't know how I could been much of a parent over the past 18 months, but if you really want to be one yourself, there must be a way. I'd look into it.

[mgran]

The single best thing that ever happened to me was having a child. At the time I wasn't diagnosed, though I knew something was wrong. And after he was born the immediate reaction wasn't, as one might have expected, post partum depression... it was post partum psychoses. Fortunately I wasn't in the least bit dangerous to my child... I was so in love with him it hurt. I honestly thought he was an angel. I believed he could fly, and saw him on several occasions floating towards me. Of course, what was really happening was that I woke up when he cried, intended to go to him, and his father carried him to me instead. I was so focussed on the baby that I didn't notice his father at all... hence it looked like he was floating towards me.

About six to eight months later I got a serious post partum depression, but the only thing that even for a moment lifted my spirits was my son, who was still the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

I suppose in the long run my mental illness has shaped my son's childhood... and I think he's had a much more stressful childhood than he needed to. I've been arrested inumerable times, I've shared my psychotic thoughts and hallucinations with him as matters of fact, and he had to find his own way to deal with that. And he has asperger's syndrome, which has complicated matters.

But the fact is, he's just a beautiful young man... with young man issues (girlfriend, school issues ... hatred of homework, and video game nerdyness etc.) I do fear that I've somehow contaminated him with my crap. Yet despite that, I couldn't imagine the world without him. He saved me in so many ways.

I will not have another though. I can't come of meds without risking psychosis again... I was just blumming lucky that I coped at all before my illness got so acute meds were the only option. I'm not going to risk falling back to my previous position. It wouldn't be fair on my son, it wouldn't be fair on a future child (I'm not in a relationship, so it's unlikely anyway) and it wouldn't be fair on me.

So... I'd say, it's up to each person, depending on their situation at the time. We can have the most beautiful, articulate, kind, generous, intelligent kids. But we don't have to, if it's more than we can cope with.

I'm glad... so glad, that I had mine.

[Sunshine1992]

Follow your heart...Dont listen to others...Remember their not You! I had a child..And let me tell you ,it was the Best! thing i ever did..You have to want it..If you rely on others opinions then you wont know what you truly want...If it's meant to be ..Then NOTHING on this earth will stop you..Everyone is made different with this disease we suffer from...I only wis the Best for you.....

[mgran]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I agree with all the others...

Very personal and I decided when I was a teenager I would never have kids. I could not put them through all my moods and stay a healthy parent and have a healthy normal relationship with them.

My Cousin has asked if it is a phase and if I will change my mind and I really don't think I will. I am happy enough being the "mad" Auntie who can hand the kids back when needs be.

Everyone is different though

Everybody needs a mad auntie. I'm the mad auntie to my brother's girls, and it's good for them to have someone who will get down on the floor and roll around pretending to be a donkey rolling in the grass, or scuttle across the floor on my knees pretending to be a chicken. My nieces are lovely, and the nearest I'll ever have to daughters. I know they love their mad auntie... and I love them. Win win situation.

[tattoogirl33]

before I had my first two children I was not dx with anything (although I knew there was something "wrong" with me) I was in a stable marriage and had the support of a loving husband (or so I thought). When I found out I was pregnant with my third child I was on Divorce #2 and had been dx by my GP with Severe Chronic Depression. I had to go off my meds while pregnant with him and yes I was an emotional rollercoaster!! but I had my family's (not the father) support and my older two to keep me going.. I wasn't planning on #3 but boy oh boy he has made my life so wonderful as have my oldest two.

It's kinda like they saved me! I know I'm at my worst right now but in all honesty.. if it weren't for my children I wouldn't still be alive..

I do fear for their futures as I have seen my MIs in my daughter since she was very little, who is 11 now. My oldest son (13 yr old) has Asperger's Syndrom (Extremely HIGH Functioning) and is in Therapy for that. My yougnest is 7 and a dx of ADD is in his near future He has a different father than my oldest two.

Yes suffering from MI and bringing children into this world may seem like a bad idea to some and it's not for everybody.. but I thank God everyday for mine! I wouldn't change it for the world.

[mgran]

Tattoo girl, it's interesting that your son is HF asperger's ... so is mine. I wonder whether as women our aspieness has been missed, since it presents so differently in females. I know I'm somewhere on the spectrum, and it complicates my diagnoses of schizoaffective. (The woman who diagnosed me schizoaffective confirmed that I've got "traits of asperger's syndrome," as well as the sa.)

I'm sorry your daughter has some MI traits... I worry my son has them overlaid on his aspergers... I'm getting him a doctor's appointment about apparent mood disorder and some delusional thinking. For what it's worth, I know a young man who just qualified as a doctor... he's diagnosed ADD. Things can improve... and you're right, our children save us... like you I wouldn't change it for the world.

[dragonfly2]

I'm also beginning to wonder about the Asperger's link. I have two daughters, ages 9 and 13. My 13 yr old has Asperger's Syndrome, ADD and some underlying, sort of bipolar-like mood disturbance. So far my 9 year old has not been dx'd with anything yet, but she is showing signs of some mood disorder issues. I have BPI and my husband has MDD and ADD, so the genetics are definitely there.

I had my first child with no knowledge of my bipolar disorder. Yes, I had suffered from depressions, but didn't think it was "anything serious" that I might be passing on. I received my bipolar dx the same week I found out I was pregnant with my second child. Very long story, but, suffice to say, I could not take any medication for it at that point and aborting the child was never a consideration.

Were there difficulties both during the unmedicated pregnancies and post-partum? Absolutely. There was a period of time that I was not allowed to raise my children because I was too ill. I have learned a lot since then and my family is in a much better place now.

Have I had any other children, now that I know what I have? No, I have not, precisely for the same reasons many of you here have mentioned. Too dangerous for me to go off my meds.

Do I regret having the children I do have? Absolutely not. They are amazing, talented, creative people and have made me a better person for having the privilege of being their mother. (And of course, there are days that I wish we could afford boarding school, lol...but I digress...)

I do worry about their future as people with mental illness. I also know that we live in a time where having a mental illness doesn't automatically mean a life spent institutionalized - modern medicine has made leaps and bounds, even since my mother suffered her own psychosis after I was born 41 years ago. My children will have to make their own decisions about whether or not to have kids and honestly, I don't envy them. In some ways, ignorance was bliss. If I had known then what I know now.....I am not sure what I would have chosen. All I know is that I have no regrets.

On a more philosophical note...and just to play Devil's advocate....I'd like to think about the sheer "gene pool of the species" issue. It has been well documented that people with mental illnesses are amongst the most creative and enlightened people in our society. In more primitive cultures, people who would otherwise be considered to be in the throes of psychosis are looked to as the shamans and spiritual leaders. Does the human race NEED us?? As much as we are often shunned, I don't think people realize just how much we have contributed to the enrichment of society. We could, over the next 100 years, selectively breed out mental illness....but would the world be better for it? I honestly don't think so.

[Flooded]

I didn't know I had mental illnesses until my second son was well on the way. I was being treated for post partum depression at the time from my first son's birth.

Some days I wish I didn't have them - they are very hard work and I think I see a MI in my youngest but time will tell as he's only 3.

They see the good, bad and down right crazy in me but they love me and I love them. I have a fabulously supportive husband who is a legendary dad.

Do what is right for you. Listen to others and you'll be second guessing yourself always

[Merlin]

I agree that it is a very hard decision to make and a very individual one.

As I have no partner and have not been in a serious relationship, it is very hypothetical for me.

That being said, I want kids, and I have always wanted kids and I know that as impairing an illness this can be, it is treatable.

I will probably have a couple biological kids despite the risk.

I was not diagnosed with MI until after I had my 3 children. I would not change a thing for the world. They have been my joy and my heart. They are fine young men and are quite healthy.

[Ryask]

I think it's good to have a conversation about it. My husband and I have discussed that we don't absolutely need to have children, and we also don't absolutely need to have biological children. I have PCOS and have been told i am unable to have children, however i heave heard SEVERAL cases where people with PCOS have been told they couldnt have kids then actually had one or two. I am not doing anything to prevent pregnancy, nor have i for the 6 years i have been married, i suppose i feel if it's meant to be it will be. I suppose i don't worry too much about my MI being passed on because i developed mine after long term drug use (before i was married).

[kykid]

My wife and I faced this situation as well and decided to have a child. She is a beautiful 17 year old now, and although she thinks we are stupid, we think she is fabulous.

Aware that MI is genetic, we are on the lookout for symptoms. These have not occurred thus far, and it is our prayer that they will not materialize. If they do, we will deal with it in a forthright manner. I mean, after all, who has more experience that we do in dealing with mental illness.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by wingin'it

We all know MI has a genetic component. Should we roll the dice, have as many kids as we want, and hope for the best?

Life has a genetic component.

[birdcrazy]

I dunno....

My parents met in a state mental hospital. I don't know my father's side, but Major Depression, Bipolar and Schizophrenia run strongly on my mother's side of the family, but many of them are completely fine.

What I'm imagining is going off my meds if I got prego. I mean seriously, I'm very, very ill without my meds and it wouldn't be fun.

Plus I was a special needs EI child. What if I had a special needs child? I don't know if I could handle it.

I probably won't have kids. Plus I'm all alone right now relationship-wise and I don't know when that's going to change.

[Polly23]

Sorry guys, but really shocked to hear these responses.
I too have had bipolar 2 since my early teens. Untreated for a long time.
Was not on meds at first. Had my first child and was totally hypomanic....did not sleep for 3-4 weeks, but loved it. Never even crashed. Became depressed when my second child was 2, and went on a/d. Went off them to have my 3rd child and same thing happened with the hypomania (with all 3 actually). So, my hypomanic times were great for me, I went back to school, and managed my depressive episodes without meds until recently. Restarted a/d (3rd time) and started with rapid cycling/severe mixed episodes.
Sooooo.............how are my kids???
..........And am I a good parent???
My kids are the light of my life, and yes....they see me cry too, and my oldest is 14 and he is quite well versed in mental illness... no taboo for him.
We have crazy times (sorry for the pun), but we have a heck of a lot of fun too!!
And yes, I am a great parent. I have open discussion with my kids.
What happens if they are someday diagnosed....LISTEN....they whole damn thing is a crap shoot anyways......there are thousands of other things that are much worse than BIPOLAR disorder. AND new treatments all the time.
My one son has a bit of issues with social anxiety.....I did as a kid too, but am I concerned....not really, he sees a SW and she is giving him tools to use. He is such a gift to me... the kindest most loving soul I have ever met.

Please understand, that I am not trying to be insensitive, all I am saying is that as a parent, as long as we do our best, and love our kids, we can get through anything.