[red_faerie]

Hello,

I am new here and in desperate need of some help and advice regarding my boyfriend, he has not been diagnosed with bipolar but something is wrong, and despite promising me he would go and see a doctor 5 months ago he hasn't been and now I'm grasping at straws to try and work out what is happening and what I should do. I've come here because I see bipolar traits in him but as I have no experience with it I need another opinion.

I'll try and keep this short but it is a long story, I am 24 and he is 23, we've been friends for 4 years, best friends for the first year of friendship and then trying to have a relationship for the past 2 and a half years. I never noticed anything too strange about his behaviour as friends but as a best friend turn girlfriend I most definitely have. I'm going to bullet point what I see as the red flags and hopefully someone can help me identify if bipolar could be a reason for his very odd behaviour.

* His mum has always told me he has been up and down but they've never really dismissed it as anything but 'how he is.' Bearing in mind she drinks every night and is often referred to as a 'nutter' by my boyfriend.

* We were together 3 months then he broke up with me cos he 'needed to be single and clear his head.' He could not stop contacting me until I told him I needed space. This however turned into a back and forth game of communication. Eventually 6 months after our break up he admitted he loved me, and had run away because he'd been scared by how he was feeling and of losing me and figured it was easier to leave first.

*We ended up back together only to repeat everything, it was perfect, he said he loved me all the time, but 3 months into it and he was ignoring me, saying nasty things, telling me he didn't love me he wanted to 'bang' other women, and generally being a real a-hole. I finally ended it, only to receive nasty texts, phone calls where he would just blast our favourite band down the phone at me, pornographic images of himself, sexually suggestive texts, and lyrics to songs. I eventually asked him to either speak to me as a human or leave me alone. He left me alone.

*He has a bad dependence on alcohol, and although I do not think he is an alcoholic (he's just abstained from alcohol for about 4 months without no real problem) he does always end up turning to it. When we first met he used to drink bottles of wine alone on a night 'to help him sleep'.

*His sleeping is awful, he can't sleep but then he can't get up in the morning either, some nights he just goes without cos he feels he needs to. I've seen him go days on no sleep and like stated above, he used to drink because it was the only thing that would make him actually get to sleep.

*He has memory problems, before we got together he would tell me of songs he found in the morning that he must've wrote but didn't remember doing so, or what they even meant. Similarly he once found blood on his wall but again had no idea what had happened. After our second break up he claimed he had no memory of what had happened between us, or why he stopped talking to me, of saying nasty things to me, it was a complete blank, as what the following few months. These things we have both always put down to alcohol.

*We ended up getting back together yet another 6 months after the second break up after he apologised and apologised, cried, and confessed he didn't feel like he knew himself anymore, that he wasn't the same person he was when he was growing up, that he only feels complete and 'mended' when he's with me, we decided to go about things differently as he had no idea what makes him suddenly decide to up and leave me in nasty ways, this was when he told me he'd see a doctor then never did, he did stay off the alcohol though but I am assuming he is back on it now judging by the only bit of behaviour I am witness to.

*Despite our efforts, 3 months into it and he is distant again, this time however I still get some communication off him, but he avoids phone calls, I'll just get a text every few days, but now they have turned a bit strange too, containing sexually suggestive things again - this time listing all the many things he wants me to do to him, all of them incredibly dominating, and to me this is strange behaviour for him, esp when he ignores all 'real' chat.

*There is a pattern to his behaviour, he is 'normal' in winter months - the time he says he is depressed where he can't be bothered with anything but yet we always end up getting together, and he is 'crazy' in spring/summer months - the time we says he feels guilty about winter and tries to do everything he can to make up for it until he eventually blows up/burns out or explodes.

*Although I have never known him to go off and do silly things, he did used to go through phases of saying how awesome he was, calling himself god, (and he's usually the complete opposite and thinks he's pretty rubbish at everything) and just seeming cocky, arrogant and not someone you'd want to be around.

*During the time we are breaking up he says he can remember feeling like he should be alone, that I was better off without him, and he feels that is part of the reason he disappears on me.

There is so much more but this is already too long, at the moment he is like a different person, only I've met this one every spring/summer. I have to add this cycle also is directly connected to his exam periods, and when he goes 'missing' it's always following a time of him snapping, yelling and being incredibly stressed. Please do ask any questions or if you need me to elaborate on anything. He is so difficult love, as well as all this he is so paranoid of everything, has accused me multiple times of cheating or wanting other men when I never ever have and there has never been anything to make him think I would cheat on him, I want to love him, but after noticing this pattern in his behaviour I can no longer think that everything is fine. I'm on a rollercoaster at the moment but I have no idea why, what to do, or anything. I'm clueless. Thank you for putting up with this!

[Kmbpeace1171]

Kind of sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder known for all or nothing thinking and letting people in and shutting people out pattern. Sorry u are going thru all of this.

[blueoctober]

Welcome red. You're right that he needs to see a doctor, ideally a Psychiatrist. I will say that your description does sound like bipolar, but bipolar can share symptoms with other mental illnesses and this is why seeing a Psychiatrist is so important.

Your needs are important and perhaps by explaining that you're concerned and will support him, but you're not willing to tolerate abusive behavior. Perhaps by setting a time limit on him getting professional mental help will help protect yourself. The book in my signature is for fiends, family etc. of those diagnosed. It's excellent.

[red_faerie]

Originally Posted by Kmbpeace1171

Kind of sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder known for all or nothing thinking and letting people in and shutting people out pattern. Sorry u are going thru all of this.

Thank you. It is hell, I never know where I stand with him but I can never walk away, even now I'm in tears because it is a constant he loves me/loves me not type of battle.

[wing]

red,
there's no way to get an accurate diagnosis and treatment except getting him to a psychiatrist, or at the least share his symptoms with a family doctor.