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#1
May 31, 2011, 03:53 AM
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It's almost 5am and instead of sleeping, I'm sitting here wide awake typing this. I did sleep some tonight...I think I fell asleep around 12:30 or 1ish...but now I'm awake, and the only part of me that's tired are my eyes.
I should have seen this coming. I haven't been sleeping well for the past couple of nights, and have hardly been able to turn my mind off for the past week. It was pretty bad...I couldn't even sit through a movie until Thursday when I saw The Hangover 2, and I'm pretty sure the main reason that didn't bore me is because there was constantly something happening for the entire 2 hours. The only time I turned my mind off was today when I took a walk...I was doing something active, and I was listening to music, so I was mostly just being and not really thinking, if that makes sense. Oh, and my anxiety has been super high lately which certainly doesn't help. Ugh. What's worse (at least right now) is that it's way too early in the morning to do anything. I can't clean (which is something I often do when I can't sleep, but that's at school, and only if my roommate isn't there -- but I'm at home and there are 8 other people here all sleeping)...I can't go out anywhere because nowhere is open, I don't drive anyway...I feel like as soon as it gets light I'll go for a run. Seems like a good idea. Yeah. I'll do that. Then I'll come home and make breakfast. I want eggs and maybe pancakes and fruit and turkey bacon all covered in syrup except not the fruit. Oh that sounds absolutely amazing right now!! And for lunch maybe I'll make chicken. I hope we have chicken. I want lemon pepper chicken. I can hear the birds chirping. I love that about summer. All the birds you hear and the warm weather and the beautiful flowers that bloom! Yep...not tired, don't know what to do, and quite obviously, not sleeping! |
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#2
May 31, 2011, 04:16 AM
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I am finding it hard to sleep too. I have not slept right for the past couple of weeks. It is 4:07 am right now. I don't want to wake up or keep my husband up. Which when manic I do. Right now I feel what I call a normal phase (where I don't feel manic or depressed) which is weird for me. I have been dealing with mania for over 20 yrs. Till last year I have been up and down and all around. I hope this is not leading to mania agian. My racing thoughts are not like they used to, so I find it hard since that was all I was used to. It seems so quite up in my mind now. Something missing. But believe me I kinda like it quite right now.
I am hungry too. Can I join you for breakfast? LOL. I want to go to store, like our 24 hr walmart. I usually go in pajamas, when I make my husband stay up almost 24 hrs. He used to keep up with me but now he can't. So I try my hardest to respect his sleep. But its been so hard tonight. I think I will wake him up in a few. My eyes also hurt. Besides I want breakfast. Hopefully I will take my ambien, and half of xanax .25 or benedryl to sleep some after breakfast. But then there goes the cycle of not having the right hours. I'm up everyone asleep. I am glad that I don't deal to much with anxiety like before, maybe its the buspar. It really has helped. Even when I did not want to try it cause I felt safe with xanax. Hope to talking with you |
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#3
May 31, 2011, 04:23 AM
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If I wanted to sleep I would take a Xanax, but since I'm not actually tired nor do I feel like I need to sleep, I don't really see the point.
I went downstairs to see if there was anything I could eat without having to cook since that would require me to be up awhile with the lights on and possibly wake people up, especially my littlest sisters which wouldn't be good...and I found cake...leftover from my sister's birthday. The piece was meant for her, but she didn't eat it yesterday (and her birthday was Sunday), so I took about a third of it. It's not like she'll notice anyway! That and some cranberry juice will tide me over. |
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#4
May 31, 2011, 04:43 AM
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I wish I was given the gift of wanting to clean. LOL I just look at the mess and go omg.....I need to clean that up, and don't. (sigh.....)
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#5
May 31, 2011, 04:45 AM
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Quote:
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#6
May 31, 2011, 09:10 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Favorite book on bipolar "Living with Someone who is Living with Bipolar Disorder" by Chelsea Lowe, 2010 Check out my blog The Bipolar Roller Coaster: http://blueoctober.psychcentral.net/ New Post March 23 "New Therapist" |
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#7
May 31, 2011, 09:17 AM
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Not sleeping is a sure fire way to go into an episode. You MUST have your sleep. Be sure your pdoc knows you aren't sleeping. You may need to take something for awhile to assure you do sleep.
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#8
May 31, 2011, 10:39 PM
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What I meant by saying I don't see the need is that my body doesn't want to sleep nor does my mind.
...and once again I'm not sleeping. It's 11:30pm, and I've been in bed for almost a half hour and I'm not sleeping. I'm not tired either...and in fact have been tossing and turning since I got in bed. It's probably a combination of things. I don't feel tired, I'm not sleeping in my own bed (I'm sleeping on the couch in the family room because it's air conditioned and about 10x cooler than the room I sleep in upstairs which isn't air conditioned, and again, upstairs), and quite honestly, I'm a bit shaken up because of what happened while my sister and I were out tonight (and no, I don't want to talk about it). It may be time to bring in the big guns...Atarax. Originally prescribed because of my reaction to Lamictal, and I was supposed to take it 3x daily, but because it makes me so tired, out of it and uncoordinated, well, that's not really an option...but it's great at night! |
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#9
Jun 01, 2011, 12:10 PM
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Oh my I have been up way to long. I thought I was going to bed at 3am and I am still up. My eyes are tired but my body wants to keep going. The only problem is that my husband is asleep since I kept him up. I don't like to drive right now. I don't want to go out. Which is the total opposite from how I used to be. I was party party party all the time. Now I just want to be home in pajamas and not socialize with the outside world. Still don't understand how I could go from hyper party animal to hyper not wanting to socialize. To confusing for me. Glad that I stopped being a party animal though. Was not health for my marriage or daughter. I even took ambien, benydral and nothing. Hope I don't go out of control. Ugggh.
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#10
Jun 05, 2011, 02:35 PM
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I can't sleep again. It is going to go out of control but I don't know how to stop it. I sort of like it. I want the manic me back so I can get out of the house and accomplish things. Yet I am scared that my past behaviours will come back too. What to do, what to do.
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