different degrees of mania

I know mania exists on a continuum and that it is different for everyone and the degree varies. Does anyone have stories about experiencing really extreme manic episodes and then somewhat moderate ones?

I am only asking because last year this time I was riding high - very very manic. I am manic now - but it is much more subdued, I am thinking more clearly (how to behave, control alcohol, consequences) however still not eating/sleeping/and generally up beat.

I am glad you are leveling out. I appreciate it when this happens for myself as, oh, the stories when full blown maniac, makes my hair curl to think of the things I have done. I would be what others would describe, not knowing about the BP, as an adrenalin junkie or wild child, very risky behavior; you name it, I would do it and overcommiting myself to all sorts of projects at work and personally with no thought of consequences. Then the lower range for hypomanic is appreciated compared to maniac; I always miss the not sleeping but thrive without it, while enjoying getting so much done, having more control but concentration still remains slighted, not always the best decisions, hard on relationships, and overall it takes it toll in the long run.

Many things, while maniac or hypo, I can say I've done but with some cringing and embarrassment to talk about at times, with regret as relationships were ruined, and as I feel like I was someone else during those times, not a comforting feeling. It's been worth it to find that moderate level in between; I am more content now with meds and therapy. I hope you will feel that way too in this new level as it has its advantages over full blown maniac but hoping you will find the best level for you, bringing you peace and contentment. Wishing you all the best.

I have experienced very mild mania to raging almost uncontrollable mania. Depends on the trigger for me.

I agree on the trigger. One of mine were friends and family. I never knew why I could be depressed then all of a sudden depending on the individual, like a phone call would trigger me to go way manic to where I would jump out of bed, so much energy, talking and thinking a hundred miles away, look out world here I come Manicwomen. Then the risky behaviours all followed and the feeling that this was some other person inside of me making all the moves was just so wierd but I was not used to anything else. Oh and when manic I have better memory and feel all well rounded when hypo I get stuck at times and unsure of myself. Hope this helps.

I experience varying degrees of mania. Seems I need no trigger tho, spontaneous combustion. I do wish I had a better way to tell what I'm in for tho. Never can tell. I am guessing this varying degrees of mania is quite normal for Bipolar. It's like how the depression is very varied. I hope it's normal

Anika,
I can't see on cell but where are you at in your understanding and acceptance to your illness? Also do you have any tools to use like a mood chart and maybe keeping a journal daily of what you see in that day well help you recognize what does trigger you. Even the ones who support you can sometimes tell. If you like I can share what has helped me in a PM. Only cause I know I write novels on here compared to everyone else short and to the point.

Mokie, thanks

I'm 32 had my first diagnosis at 17. I have used mood charts for years, I used to have triggers but as we hear with age bipolar can worsen over time. If you know of the bipolar kindling theory. I believe I have kindled haha. Geez no really, I cycle rapidly with no triggers much of the time and it is getting worse with age. The meds don't work as well as they used too either. I do have quite a bit of insight into how I operate. I refuse to take antipsychotics long term for my physical health concerns, so that is likely much of my battle. I'll pm you tho..

Difficult to answer because everything goes so nuts when I'm severely manic that particulars are often difficult to recall. The only pretty consistent thing for me, thinking back over the years, is that after crossing the threshold from hypomania to full blown mania, when the manic episode ended, it always did so with a crash into (usually deep) depression.

When I've had hypomanic episodes than never progressed to full on mania, they've tended to kind of peter out on their own, with no crash into depression.

I don't rapid cycle or anything like that, so I'm not sure if that applies to you or may be a factor. My bp is classical type 1, with longer cycles and longer periods of time between them than type 2s have. Or another way to characterize it: I'm mostly normal most of the time - except when I'm not, and then I'm totally out to lunch

I think of my manias in terms of colors. I find it helps. I mean I know what I am like during a red mania versus a pink one and oh the joy of a euphoric white one

Does that make any sense?

The last time I discussed it with my doctor (I was actively manic at the time, and had been for about a month - not including the hypomanic period that came first), I described it like this:

Everything is too intense. Every sound seems amplified tenfold, light seems far too bright, colors far too vivid, my thoughts are so out of control I can't focus on anything and feel like I'm speed. I feel irritated to the point of explosiveness by the slightest thing, and all I can do is hold it in and seethe in quiet fury because I know if I gave into it, if I let even the smallest drop out, all hell would break loose as I released a hurricane of destruction in my fury.

That was a mixed episode. I can't recall a euphoric episode in the 10+ years since I was diagnosed in my mid twenties. I have what I refer to as happy mini-manias that are the hypomanic episodes that either peter out of their own accord, or slowly escalate into a full blown manic episode. One it goes manic things slip out of control so fast that there's nothing "happy" about it for me anymore.

The only "good" thing is that my cycles are so slow that the hypomanic phase lasts weeks, or a month or two, before petering out or becoming a full on manic episode, and that I tend to have only one manic episode/year. Some years I don't have any.

Which is a good thing because it wreaks so much havoc that afterward I'm left in the pit of depression, surrounded by the rubble of my what's left of my life, and having to rebuilt all over again. There are only so many times I can rebuilt it all. I've managed to do it every time, and to accomplish more than I did before - but then I lose it all when the tornado sweeps through.

My last manic episode was March-May of this year. In May I bottomed out, but have been rebounding this month despite the carnage, and despite the fact that I'm having to start all over - again. I think I rebounded so fast from depressed in the later part of May, to somewhere in between by the middle of this month, because I'm still kinda shell shocked (numb) and have been through this so many times before.

I'm not feeling really down, but I'm not functioning at my "normal" level either. I'm just... functioning, and for now ok with that as I let go of what's gone and cling to the certainty that, just as I have so many times in the past, will again feel like my normal myself self in time, and will once again rise from the ashes and attain what I had before and more again.

That's what's keeping me going. Every now and then doubts still creep in, and I still battle the urge to give up and call it quits. But mostly I'm waiting it out while trying to do productive things that give me some focus and sense of purpose until the real feeling kicks in.

My soon-to-be-ex husband was bipolar. He hated psychiatrists and self medicated with coffee, if you can believe that, tons and tons of coffee. If he did other drugs I don't know. He was always in a rage, loud, calling names, his face got red and he would be "in your face". I left him because he terrified me and he threatened to kill me. I believed him.

On Thursday I was diagnosed with bipolar II. I had no idea, I knew that I've been severely depressed all my life, but I thought otherwise I was normal. I told my entire life story to my doctor, and he said I've been have hypomanic episodes since I was 15 or younger (40+ years). He put me on lithium. This is my 2nd day on lithium.

I've had my meds changed so many times,that it makes no sense. I started a new one June 10 and by the 27th I was hypomanic.

When I'm hypomanic:
I have a shopping addiction. I get so irritated at any little thing and I curse and swear (normally I don't swear at all). I think I can conquer the world. I've owned 7 businesses that all failed. I declared bankruptcy and had my car repossessed. I've had 12 jobs in 4 years. One of my bosses told me that at work I talk to myself and curse and swear under my breath. I can't read or concentrate, or understand what I read. I'm not stupid, I had straight A's in school, but dropped out of university twice because I couldn't concentrate enough to read the textbooks. My relationships with men, have, to say the least, not been good. I don't sleep, or sleep only 3 hours a night.

I've had psychotherapy since 1995, taken anti-depressants since 1987. I have no idea why it took them so long to diagnose me.