I am wondering if any of you have found any strategies in your relationships to help make for a bit smoother sailing when going through mania in particular?

I usually get mixed mania rather than pure mania. It really takes a toll on my relationship with my boyfriend at times. I have such a hard time remaining rational if at all, that I read things all wrong and as a result I will be in tears or an argument will ensue. After he calms me down and explains what is happening I feel so guilty and ashamed for loosing touch with reality. I know this wears him out and I guess it's wearing on my self also.

I would really like to hear of anyways others have found to cope with this aspect.

Thank you, Anika

[Direction]

Maybe when your not so up or down, you could write down those symptoms that you and he see. Devolop some action plans for when those symptoms occur. When you are way up again, you can review it with him remember that you created it...its possible you will be able to see it for what it is or catch it before it goes too high especially if you have some early warning signs, breaking down signs, and then crisis signs.

Good Luck

Thanks for your advice, In group therapy we did make make action plans, I didn't cover these types of warning signs in it tho. So I'll get it out and add to it. I am getting quicker to realize what is happening when it it happening. Only took me 14 years to get there haha.

I take lithium on the regular, I still cycle every month or two, when I hit a mixed episode I'll reluctantly add seroquel or clorpromazine. However it seems to only lessen the extreme for me. I think maybe this is more of a medication problem then now that I think about it.

I just feel extremely guilty taxing my family with this illness . I am pretty mild tempered but I am pretty sensitive. I guess I wish I could find a way to gap the cycles.

Thanks for the advise, I will try that out and see if it helps.

[biblioknitter]

I have had the majority of my boyfriends break up with me when they found out I was bipolar II. My current relationship is going well, but I have not told him that I am bi-polar and on meds and in therapy. It is a strange situation because he is losing his job in a year and says that I am one of the only things in his life not causing him stress. I have also taking a different approach to this relationship than I have with all my previous ones-don't think too far in advance-for the first few months this meant no planning more than 3 days in advance, if that much. There are times when I feel that I should tell him but there is a very good possibility we will break up in a year and I feel that we can stay good friends and I don't want to do anything to scare him or cause him stress. I have lost a lot of friends and boyfriends due to my mental issues and at age 33 I can no longer take losing friends (I know boyfriends are a different matter) so I do my best not to act manic around people and if I am feeling a bit manic and cannot leave I take half a xanax and wait it out. I really hope at some point in my life I can have a long-term relationship (possibly marriage) and be able to tell that man about my bipolar II but I am not ready to do that yet. I guess I did not really give much advice, sorry and I wish you the best.

[cheeri]

I begged my ex not to date me. He thought he could save me. After three years, we were both killing each other. I suppose it was sweet that he tried for so long, but now I'm scared if he couldn't deal with me then nobody will. I'm seeing a new guy that is much more patient. He has a great way of bringing me back to reality, and I am trying harder than ever to stay rational. He yelled at me for the first time this past weekend and was really shaken up about it. My advice is to let them see how hard you are trying and surely he/she will cut you some slack when things get heated. That's my plan. Keep ya posted...

Also, when I'm manic, I try to stay away. Or run to someone (usually anyone) that I feel less commitment to. There is a mad sexy dude down the street that helps me release energy when needed. hehehhe. Not sure that is healthy advice but that's my other strategy

Originally Posted by Anika

...I usually get mixed mania rather than pure mania. It really takes a toll...

Yeah, that can be a harder one. Hard for them to understand that's it's the disorder happening and that they're not somehow at fault. I told my BF about the BP early on. We was cool with it, but I had to kind of laugh. It's easy when you're not seeing extreme symptoms, right? A week and a half ago, I went very hypo (in a good, not mixed way) and he could barely believe what he was seeing. And hearing. And how fast he had to listen to the 7 simultaneous stories... you get the picture. Now he gets the picture. He's seen the depressed end, pretty substantial, though not the worst. He seems to take it all pretty in stride.

Originally Posted by Direction

Maybe when your not so up or down, you could write down those symptoms that you and he see. Devolop some action plans for when those symptoms occur. When you are way up again, you can review it with him remember that you created it...its possible you will be able to see it for what it is or catch it before it goes too high especially if you have some early warning signs, breaking down signs, and then crisis signs...

This is very good advice. (I'm better at recognizing depressive signals. Going hypo, maybe it's not wanting to see the signs, or lack of insight...plus they tend to come on quite out of the blue.) Action plan. Yeah. We don't have one. (Though he did ask for the number of my psych. Being already off to the races, I was... uncooperative. ) It's a really good idea though.

Originally Posted by Anika

... I am getting quicker to realize what is happening when it it happening. Only took me 14 years to get there haha.
...

Hey, then you're ahead of me! (Took far longer...)

It is really excellent to write down how it manifests in you. Since everyone's plays out a bit differently, it will tailor it, making it more useful. Since you say you have both pure and mixed mania, it'd probably be a good idea to write a list for each of those, since they're quite different, eh?!

It's weird that they had you do action plans without signal lists... how would one know where they were on the escalation without one, you know?!

Biblioknitter,
Well that just..well it sucks. I understand tho, it is pretty scary to reveal, and just to have them walk off. I waited a few weeks into dating him to tell and it really was hard not knowing if he'd just run the other way. When I did tell him, his only experience with Bipolar was an episode of E.R. When he told me that, all I thought was "oh noooooo". We've been together for over four years. I am surprised, but I guess it can be done. I wish you the best too.

Cheeri,
Haha that was kinda funny. He knows I try hard and he does cut me slack. I think it's a bit hard not to take it personal sometimes. But you made me think, maybe I need to realize that he knows I work hard. I'd just like less of the arguements to be my fault, you know.

Innerzone,
That's awesome that you mate is taking it in stride. Your so right, until you see the real deal it's it's a cool breeze. I remembering him saying " you're the most sain girl I've known tho." Haha ya I think that statement changed to "was the most sain"
Yes the mixed mania and the pure mania really only share the word mania in common, at least for me. I would love a nice pure manic episode. Seems like those days are gone. I start to get a bit manic and then switch to mixed pretty quick, that's been a trend since I've been medicated. Quite unbearable.
We did list signals, but it was group aimed at depression not Bipolar specific. I listed thing like sleep and such, but I chose to leave out my less than admirable behaviors, meh pride. Small city we don't have much here for resources for Bipolar.

Thanks for your replies, I'm new here and it's nice to feel welcome.

[BlackPup]

Hi and welcome
Have you been seeing a T? sometimes talking about what is going on with your family can help you to see whether you are worrying for nothing or if there is something that needs to be done. A T can also talk with your family and let them know what to expect and talk about what they can do to help and to inform you of your moods.

Blackpup,
I do have a therapist, I don't know what it is but around here our therapists are actually social workers. My therapist is a really sweet lady, however it's really only like I talk and she listens and agrees. So I haven't found it helps much. I've talked to my new pdoc about therapy but he just says I need it but up to me to find it. I'm on disability so I don't have money to just go privately. Thanks for the reply and welcome.

[mokie]

Anika, have you read the book called loving someone with bipolar disorder by Juile Fast? It really has helped my relationship with my husband like from night to day. It is very helpful and you can both work on exercises to help you and him realize where you are at in a episode. Let me know I have a chart that I used from the website the arthur has. I can show it to you and it may help. Not sure if I already shared this with you my memory not so well right now.

Thanks Mokie,

I didn't read it. I went to all my bookstores in town and none of them have a single book dealing with Bipolar. Kinda sad. I'll have to look online, thanks for the suggestion, I'm going to check it out.

[Cole Thornton]

Speaking as one of the worn-out spouses, your good qualities more than outweigh the effect of BPD or we would not be here. It sounds like you have a very understanding boyfriend who has taken the time to understand the disease.

There is no more need for you to feel guilty or ashamed of BPD symptoms than there is for a cancer patient or diabetic to feel that way about their symptoms. This is a medical condition, and we (the significant others) may get frustrated, but the fact that we stay anyways shows just how much we love you.