Have a friend in a bad relationship

I have a friend in a verbally abusive relationship that she has been in for 10 years. She is also bipolar. She wants to leave him. He gets her all upset and yells an screams and just belittles her. I dont know if she has the stregth to leave him he has cut her self asteem down so low. I want to help her but for one dont know how and for two everyone tells me to stay out of it cause they do this all the time. I am confused. I was in a relationship like that but mine was physically abusive for 16 years so I know how she feels. But I am at a loss. I asked my husband if she could stay here for awhile and he said no he didnt want us involved in the drama. So what can I do to help her besides support her? There has to be something. She is my friend and I cant sit back and watch this happen to her. Any ideas?

Be the friend that doesn't pull away even if she chooses to stay with him.

This is a hard one. When I was young my best friend fell in love with and married a controlling, abusive man. Before they married I had many many opportunities to tell her what I thought of him, and how awful he was to her. I bit my tongue and while never telling her I was happy for her (cause that would have been a lie), I supported her. I knew if I had told her how awful he was, I would have lost her friendship. After university they moved away.

Four years later she came home, broken hearted, and with a 3 year old son. He got his MD, specialized, then kicked her out, and after the divorce he married another doctor. He's now head of his specialty at an American university. There was no community property divorce laws where they lived (ND) and she came home with only a suitcase. He kept everything. No alimony, and he never paid a dime in child support - and he was a doctor!! She was in rough shape when she came home, and I supported her all the way. This was 30 years ago, and we are still best friends today.

I supported her no matter what she did, and that's what counted with her.

It's not easy, but I knew if I told her what I thought of him, she would have cut me off. As it was, I was there to pick up the pieces when she came home, and continue to support her.

I hope your friend gets her head on straight and leaves this abusive loser. Sometimes it takes a while. I was in 2 abusive relationships myself before I smartened up and went for therapy about it. Now I know better.

People don't realize what it was until it's over & there's no outside words she will take seriously. Stay with her, but at the same time, don't get yourself so mentally involved that you feel sick. It's hard, but she will learn in her own time.