[vanessaG]

I have been diagnosed with depression for God knows how long when all along its been Bipolar. Im not on any meds right now. I took myself to see a Psychiatrist 3 months ago...he put me on lamictal and it made me suicidal which i not normally am. I told him and he kept increasing the dosage till i couldnt get outta bed, take care of my 2 daughters, or do anything. So I stopped seeing him and stopped the pills.
The past 3 months have been CRAZY. My bf of 4 yrs left me, I had to move cause couldnt afford rent alone. Stayed with my aunt 3 hrs away for a couple weeks, decided i wanted to start new life there, signed a lease..was there for almost 2 month..got depressed and my dad talked me into coming back here, so thats what i did last wknd. My dad said me and the kids cant stay with him because he cant take the kids' noise so im staying with my ex, their father. ugh...its a nightmare. The kids share a room and he stays in the other which leaves me no where. My stuff is in the garage, im sleeping on the floor. Me and the EX fight constantly....its horrible

Today i spent all day sleeping/crying in the kids' room. Im so depressed over this situation and my life in general. It seems as im getting older I am getting worse! I have no support really, no friends i can confide in...i mean whats the point?! Im messing up my kids by this constant fighting, and me and my up and down moods all the time, moving...ugh. kids are supposed to have a consistent enviroment. Im not consistent right now
I was seriously considering walking into a mental ward today, but then who would take care of my daughters??
Ive been on a lot of antidepressants from paxil, zoloft, prozac, wellbutrin (which also made me suicidal)..nothing helps!
My aunt gave me some of her xanax which did help a bit but i dont have an rx for it. I thought so much of ending my life today...but i cant...i dont wanna do that to my girls. My mom commited suicide and I know what it did to me.
i really dont know what to do anymore. How was it when i was 25 i was going to college, had my own apt, raising my kids and look at me know. I feel like im detoirating fast...

[~Christina]

Ahh Vanessa Im so sorry your having such a hard time right now.. all the moving and stress. Im sure others will post something on here that will be more helpful than me ..

I am just going to give you a (((((((HUG))))))) and remind you to remember your not alone .. theres way to many like "us" wandering thru life. Just keep plugging along day by day .. sometimes its hour by hour.. But eventually things will improve . Be kind to yourself .

Wishing you some peace

[zbmom]

Maybe you should call a crisis line and see if someone can help you. It sounds like you're in a really bad spot. It's hard when life keeps throwing stuff at us.

[Phoenix_1]

(((((Vanessa))))) So sorry to hear what you're going through.

You didn't say where you live. Could you apply for social assistance and find a place to live with their help? They're usually more helpful for single parents.

Is there anyone you can talk to? An emergency help line of some kind, or an emergency T (therapist)? A social worker?

I can appreciate the stress you're under because 2 years ago I left my husband, went to a shelter, and was receiving Social Assistance. I remember going to the shelter in tears of frustration because Social Services couldn't get me my meds the day I needed them. And I had NO kids, just me, so it would be 3 x as frustrating for you.

My community has tons of support for single mums - is there a number you could call to find out who to call? Here I'd call Mobile Crisis first, for example.

At any rate, there are a lot of wonderful, caring people on this site that will "listen" to you and offer support.

[jk2833]

Originally Posted by vanessaG

I have been diagnosed with depression for God knows how long when all along its been Bipolar. Im not on any meds right now. I took myself to see a Psychiatrist 3 months ago...he put me on lamictal and it made me suicidal which i not normally am. I told him and he kept increasing the dosage till i couldnt get outta bed, take care of my 2 daughters, or do anything. So I stopped seeing him and stopped the pills.
The past 3 months have been CRAZY. My bf of 4 yrs left me, I had to move cause couldnt afford rent alone. Stayed with my aunt 3 hrs away for a couple weeks, decided i wanted to start new life there, signed a lease..was there for almost 2 month..got depressed and my dad talked me into coming back here, so thats what i did last wknd. My dad said me and the kids cant stay with him because he cant take the kids' noise so im staying with my ex, their father. ugh...its a nightmare. The kids share a room and he stays in the other which leaves me no where. My stuff is in the garage, im sleeping on the floor. Me and the EX fight constantly....its horrible

Today i spent all day sleeping/crying in the kids' room. Im so depressed over this situation and my life in general. It seems as im getting older I am getting worse! I have no support really, no friends i can confide in...i mean whats the point?! Im messing up my kids by this constant fighting, and me and my up and down moods all the time, moving...ugh. kids are supposed to have a consistent enviroment. Im not consistent right now
I was seriously considering walking into a mental ward today, but then who would take care of my daughters??
Ive been on a lot of antidepressants from paxil, zoloft, prozac, wellbutrin (which also made me suicidal)..nothing helps!
My aunt gave me some of her xanax which did help a bit but i dont have an rx for it. I thought so much of ending my life today...but i cant...i dont wanna do that to my girls. My mom commited suicide and I know what it did to me.
i really dont know what to do anymore. How was it when i was 25 i was going to college, had my own apt, raising my kids and look at me know. I feel like im detoirating fast...

Hi vanessa sorry your feeling this way,I also nearly went to pysch ward today until I was called by my family doctor to ask me to be admitted and maybe allowed home after 3 weeks! I have a great husband but what the hell am I supposed to tell my little boys,no way am I leaving them,and having them know I have a mental illness.
I also had depression for over 20 years when now they're realising its bipolar and BPD.
I'm also agoraphobic and have social anxiety and attachment issues so I think it would cause me more harm than good to go into hospital.
I also graduated from uni but I'm getting worse the older I get. I've been let down my mental health so I have no treatment at the moment.
My children are on holiday with their gran and I'm determined to get help before they return,I made a complaint about my last Doc so I have nobody professional to help.
I have to call dr again in the morning but no doubt it will be a waste of time.
I wish you all the support in the world and I hope your situation improves
Take care
JK

[vanessaG]

Thanks so much for all your replies . I spoke to my aunt today and shes pretty supportive so that was nice. Im feeling a bit better today... Not as down but def not 100 percent. A counselor whom i left a mssg with last wk called me back today and we have our first appt this thurs. I also called a psychiarist and have an appt sep 12th... Its longer than id like to actually wait but hopefully these 2 will help me. Im just scared cause i know it takes a while for meds to start working plus finding the right doctors! Ugh. Its scaring the crap outta me cause my lows are getting lower than ever before! Yesterday its like my logical side was trying to talk my suicidal side out if doing anything as crazy as that sounds!
Im just gonna take it day by dat and try to make it till my appts n if not ill just have to go to the psych ward, unfortunatley.
My aunt offered for me to stay a few weeks up there n i could leave the girls with their dad i suppose but i dont want to mess up my girls anymore ya know? Plus theres no daycare so idk how their dad would do it w/o me working and all. But it is kinda nice to know i have an escape ( outside of the psych ward) if i really really need it.
I live in the bay area... Rents are so outrageous but i suppose if i can find a room the assistance would cover that...im getting unemp right now so idk how that would affect eachither. Rhanks guys for your support im waiting at the girls school for them to get out.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day

Ttyl,
Vanessa