[Moose72]

My mother just asked me a question. Simple. When are you doing such and such. I answered. ARe you doing this too? Don't know. Then she asked again. I answered again that I didn't know. Then she asked AGAIN! Then I yelled that I didn't know. Geeze!!! I think she is just looking for an answer she likes or she thinks I really do know. But I don't. And its not her business. And if I don't know, I really don't know! UGH. Any thoughts? Its llike she's trying to manipulate me and that's why I yelled at her. She then said "Don't yell at me". Yeah. Sure. Or maybe she's just baiting me over stupid ****. I hate BPD people who refuse ANY treatment!!!!!!

BTW, nobody else I know pulls this. When I answer them they take it for face value, or they continue the conversation in a normal, teasing, non-invasive questions type way.

[Phoenix_1]

Sometimes I used to do that with my kids. I had too much going on with work, home, family, sick parents, kids and I just didn't remember what they had said. So I asked again and they got mad. I wasn't trying to be an ****ole, I just plain didn't remember.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Phoenix_1

Sometimes I used to do that with my kids. I had too much going on with work, home, family, sick parents, kids and I just didn't remember what they had said. So I asked again and they got mad. I wasn't trying to be an ****ole, I just plain didn't remember.

No, she doesn't have time to forget. She asks, gets an answer, then immediately asks again. And again. And again. Until she gets the answer she wants or I refuse to continue.

[Ryask]

My mom does that accept it's telling me something. We pass by a house "i used to babysit for so and so in that house", we pass by another day " i used to babysit for so and so in that house" we pass by later that evening " I used to babysit for so and so in that house" normally i say "oh" or i say " you have already told me" but every so often i blow up with rage and say " I didn't care the last three times you told me and i don't care now, shut your stupid face" and i fantasize about slapping her stupid face, maybe punching so hard i hit the back of her skull.

The truth is she's old and she forgets she has told me a hundred times and I'm a horrible *****. Yesterday i threw a crab apple at her because i felt like it, she got all mad about it even though i said it was an accident. Like being hit with an apple is 1/10000th of the pain she has caused me what a *****. Sorry kindof went off there...

[AAAAA]

My husband does this and when I’m on the edge I find it very annoying. Here is a typical conversation over something as stupid as dinner.

Hubby: Where do you want to go for dinner?
Me: Texas Roadhouse
Hubby: Or we could go to Longhorn. Where do you want to go for dinner?
Me: I just answered you, Texas Roadhouse do you not want to go there?
Hubby: I don’t care, I just want you let you know what your options are. Where do you want to go for dinner?
Me: I know what my options are, if I’m picking I want to go to Texas Roadhouse.
Hubby: We could go to Prime Quarter. Where do you want to go for dinner?
Me: OMG I DON’T CARE, PICK SOMEPLACE I DON’T EVEN WANT TO GO ANYMORE!!!!
Hubby: I don’t know why you are getting so angry I just want to know where you want to go for dinner.
Me: I’m angry because you’ve asked me that question a million times and I’ve given you the same answer every single time and you are not listening to me. I may as well just talk to the wall. It is very frustrating! You ask me a direct question, I give you a direct answer and you continue on like I haven’t said a word. It is exhausting! We are having a circular conversation that is just pissing me off and we are going to end up eating at Texas Roadhouse with me in a snit.

On a good day my response is: Texas Roadhouse, this is my final answer. If you ask me again I will stay home.

He genuinely does not understand that I find this conversation frustrating, tiring, insulting, and annoying. BUT his father is the same way. You should hear a conversation between the two of them! Neither one of is even aware that the other is speaking. It is a thousand times worse when we are on our way out the door. When we are visiting my in-laws you have to start saying good-bye an hour before you actually want to leave because you can’t get out the door.

In my husband’s case he really is trying to be thoughtful. In his mind he is giving me more options, he thinks he’s being thorough.

We have this conversation about EVERY decision! I’ll even preface it with: I am going to answer you, are you going to listen or are you going to ask me a thousand times before you actually believe I have made up my mind? He finds this insulting, I do not intend it to be.

My mom asked us to help her pick out a new car. He loves doing the research and visiting the dealerships. (Whereas I would simply call to get the answers to my questions.) My mother was mortified that I wasn’t helping him on this search. FINALLY Hubby found her a car that met her needs and was very reasonably priced. We were on our way to pick it up, the cashiers check was written out to the dealership for the exact amount he had previously negotiated for the car and he STILL asked her on the way there “would you like to stop here and look at what they have?”

Have you asked your mother why she does this? I just asked my husband why he does it and he really doesn’t have an answer.