[roads]

Hello, y'all. I've already posted at the New Member Forun, but I want to intro myself here too. I hope that suits.
My recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder turned my world upside down. It came 57 years after my 1st psychiatric evaluation, which resulted in a label of "clinically depressed" that I've carried since I was eight.
My grandfather, who was also my BFF at that point, had just died. I believed that he came to me during that night & told me that he was gone from this life & that I would continue to see & hear him but no one else would & I should tell no one. I made the mistake of telling, my father F R E A K E D, & my dad reminded my mom that it was her grandfather who'd hung himself in the barn.
I married my high school sweetheart, against the fervent wished of his mother & my father. We married in college, because our promise to wait clearly wasn't going to make any difference in their objections. I lost Andy to the VN war on a Christmas eve, & our daughter to "crib death" (SIDS) the next fall. I gave up the next decade of my life to alcohol, bitterness, & an attempt to become an objective participant in life who would never ever be hurt again. Try as I might, that never did work very well for me.
I went through four careers, remarried & picked an abuser, lost friends as quickly & easily as I made them. Then one day the phone rang. My mother'd had a stroke. I flew cross-country 90-minutes later with only my purse as luggage (I expected to come straight home? That night? Really?!). By the time she'd died six weeks later, I was sure she'd been right: My dad had most of the signs of Alzheimer's disease.
I sold both business & home over the Internet & cared for him at him condo until his death eight years later from respiratory failure. Now 13 yrs later, while I deal with a variety of health issues, I'm trying to juggle all this into some sort of understanding of what my life to this point has been & take from that what lessons & strengths I've gained. One thing has helped immensely: shortly after my 63rd birthday, i was diagnosed as bipolar. Since then, I've worked out a few answers to life-long questions (like, why do I get so mad!) but most remain.
Thanks for listening.
the Roadrunner >>>BEEP >>> B E E P

[mel80]

WOW you seem like such a strong and resilient person. I hear where you are coming from in terms of your passed over gramps. My nana died several years ago and when she passed over I was convinced my nan was coming to see me every day. I also made the mistake of telling my mum i was prpmptly committed to the psych ward.i still like to tell myself that my nan was coming to see me i find it very comforting. I hope that you find what you are looking for this place is great wish id found it years ago Peace love and happeness

[porcupine2]

Welcome Roadrunner (love that cartoon!) You have definitely come to the right place. I've tried other sites and this one covers everything you can think of and everyone is very supportive. If nothing else, it sometimes helps to see that others are going thru the same thing... for me personally I understand what's going on with me so much more. sorry about all the losses you have had....mel80 is right - you seem very resilient! BTW I'm 52 and was diagnosed with depression back when I was 30. Now bipolar and schizoaffective taking one step at a time.

[SunAngel]

Welcome to PC.

My God Roadrunner, you have been through so much in your life, and I have to agree, you must be a very strong person to have had to endure all the things you have been through.

Ever want to write a book on your life?

The people here are very supportive, so you have come to the right place to get answers and support, without any judgment whatsoever.

[zbmom]

Welcome! I'm recently diagnosed too, it's a big adjustment. You'll find lots of support here.

[finonaey]

welcome this is a great place to learn and get support glad u found pc. i hope u find everything u are looking for.

[Phoenix_1]

Welcome Roadrunner!
This is a great place to be with lots of support - lots of caring people here!
I was diagnosed with unipolar depression in 1987, the anti-depressants just gave me more trouble. I was finally diagnosed (dx) with Bipolar II in June. Now I'm on proper meds and doing much better. Good luck to you on your journey, hope things will be a lot smoother than they were in your past.

[roads]

Thanks, Mel. Who knows, "there are more things in heaven & earth .... Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." I wonder sometimes whether Shakespeare knew something, or just wrote words till the page was full.

But I do think we "know" things as children, have skills, that we lose over time. Thinks like ESP. & maybe the ability to see things...

Nice to see you again.

[roads]

Originally Posted by Phoenix_1

Welcome Roadrunner!
I was finally diagnosed (dx) with Bipolar II in June. Now I'm on proper meds and doing much better.

I was where you are for two yrs until this depression hit from nowhere. Now no meds are working. Hope you just keep cruising !!

[roads]

Thanks to finonaey & zbmom, I appreciate your sweet welcomes. SunAngel & porcupine2, I've always wanted to be strong but really only was finally able to get it together for my dad (make that for my mom--I really did it for her, & for myself).

Anyone can drink & run away for a decade. I sure don't think I handled any of my losses well. But thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt.

It's really interesting to see life experiences from the perspective of someone who is older & trying to make sense of what has happened... I try to reflect often, myself. Not because something new has occurred or due to a diagnosis, but because I want to gain fresh insight into my old experiences & learn from them.
It takes a really strong person not to have given up on themselves after the hectic life you've lead, but alas, after your long journey you finally got the answer you were looking for. That just goes to prove how important qualities like patience & resiliance can really be... It never goes without its own rewards!!
Stay strong & keep posting here. We're a pretty awesome bunch : )

[porcupine2]

I started with a new doctor last week (had to cuz I moved to a different state), and I never know what to answer when they ask if bipolar or other mental illnessess run in my family. I suspect my grandmother and my mother, but they never went to see a doctor so weren't diagnosed. It was very taboo. My sister is real bad, but hard to tell if it's the drinking or the illness. I guess I'll be the first one on record.

[roads]

Yes... Y'all are & you are! Ironically, I found you on your thread while you were finding me on mine.

[vjdragonfly]

Welcome Roadrunner!!! Your story s a powerful one, you have overcame so much. I agree you are a very strong person. We all make our mistakes, but coming through them is a whole new story. Hope you find the meds that stabilize you soon.