[Ryask]

Alright so as you may or may not know i am in school currently taking social work. One of the many horrible/excellent things is the counseling courses i have to take are sometimes very intense. They REALLY make you do assignments that make you dig deep into your childhood/past and analyze how all of that crap affects everything you do etc. Needless to say the class itself is very exhausting mentally/emotionally (kinda how you feel after therapy session). Well today was the first class, and when i got home i started my homework, and the assignment...was...VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY triggering for me, and i started to cry, i went to call "sick" into work and while on the phone with my boss....i dunno what happened i think she asked if i was ok...i just started wailing...and then hyperventilating....i was trying to explain it was just an anxiety attack and it wasn't a big deal...she told me to go to the hospital and called my mother.

I am absolutely mortified. I mean i probably scared her half to death..i know i confused the hell out of her...i feel so awful about it. A little anxiety attack is not a big deal but for "normal" people i assume she thinks I'm dying or insane?

I am so anxious and embarrassed i am petrified about working tomorrow...i don't know what to do...should i take some time off...should i pretend nothing happened? Or should i just call her and try to explain that I'm OK i was just having a rough moment and i didn't mean to do that on the phone and i am not bat **** insane. I just feel like i'm going to vomit. This is like one of my biggest fears...having a panic attack in front of people...even on the phone was horrible...i can't stop it when it's happening...please help

[Moose72]

I was feeling that way tonight- not exactly as you described but I felt anxious and wanted things to happen or not happen and worried about them. Then I worry that people will hate me for these things and its vicious circle! I agree that I have a hard time stopping it when its happening. Only thing that did tonight is because I remembered the last time and what happened and figured that there's nothing I can do about it. You sound much further along and I agree that ER was not a bad idea. I HATE that feeling. I'm sorry you went through that.

[GreenIvy]

Having a fear and having it somewhat come true is hard. I really feel for you since I had that happen to me. If you are planning on going into work tomorrow and your boss will be there maybe you could go in a little early and talk to her. You may have scared her but it may also not have been the first time she has dealt with someone who started to "freak out" (for lack of a better term). She knew enough to direct you to go to the hospital and to get ahold of your mother. Talking to her and explaining it was the result of an intense assignment that created a very strong emotional trigger for you and that you realized you were in a vulnerable state and that was why you were originally calling to take the night off. She may have a few questions, but providing a brief explanation may help alleviate any concerns that she may have.

[widgets]

Personally I'd just shrug it off she doesn't need to know How embarrassed you are.
Just tell her a lot of stuff built up on you and you had an anxiety attack.
Just the truth, she'll lEt you leave it at that.

Ryask I've had a couple (at least) hysterical crying panic attacks on the phone with my boss (over getting lost). I was mortified and was afraid he would think I was bat**** insane too, and/or fire me. I can't stop when it's happening either. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in having such an experience. I agree with nikki2010. It's probably not the first time she's had someone "freak out"... after all, consider the nature of the assignment... (Mine not so "lucky" in that it's in the field of public safety... where rational and calm behavior is totally expected(!) So you can imagine!) Even so, I didn't feel the need to explain anything. And couldn't really. He'd never understand. I don't think you need to explain either. At most, and only if she brought it up, I'd just keep it simple...something like, "yeah, that was a rough one, sorry 'bout that". But honestly, I don't think you need to even do that.

[popeye]

When I get manic and visit my friends I have a habit of talking over people and interupting conversations. It is almost impossible to shut up. I am lucky to have friends that are bipolar and know what is going on with me.

[lynn P.]

((Ryask)) - I know the feeling of not being able to hold back the tears - it happened to me at the doctor a couple weeks ago. I think you boss seemed very compassionate for asking if you were okay and giving you advice. I think the best thing to do is, either briefly thank her for being helpful / understanding and that you were very overwhelmed with school or give her a nice thank you card with the same explanation. I wonder if she's a mother because she's sounds like a nice lady. Don't feel embarrassed - sometimes the tears flow at inopportune times...you're human.

[popeye]

I think it is fuuny when my therapist gives me some tissue because I never cry...I mean never...I was taught never to cry when I was a kid

[Ryask]

Well, i moved up my PDOC appointment so it's now this Monday and i will be starting wellbutrin. I went to go see my boss and i apologized but she interrupted and said you do not have to apologize in fact i should probably apologize to you for sending your mom over, i was worried about you and just thought it was a good thing to do. I thanked her and told her i was going to take some time off to get meds sorted and i would be back for October, she agreed it was a good idea and asked me to keep in touch. Looking back i feel OK now, but all day i was anxious and had broken out in hives, all that went away after i talked to her...so..I'm looking forward to my little vacation..and hoping the meds can help me this time...i also want to that everyone who responded, i know it wasn't a life or death situation, but you took the time anyways and that means allot to me..so thanks allot.

[espritlibre]

Sorry you had to go through that, Ryask. Your boss sounds wonderful, though. I was going to write (before I read your reply) that the fact she advised you and contacted somebody close to you showed she was more concerned about making sure you were okay, than freaking out or judging you. I think anxiety attacks and the like are more common than we realise. We convince ourselves that the world sees us as these terrifying psychotic beings, and won't know how to handle us, but people are increasingly more aware of mental health as a real and sensitive issue. Personally I think anyone working in a management position should have some training/understanding of how to deal with mental health issues as much as physical ones.

It was really brave of you to talk to your boss about things. It can't have been easy and I admire you for that. I am considering talking to my line manager (who has also become a good friend) about some of my mental health issues at some point, and the idea frightens me but it gives me hope to hear the positive outcomes of situations such as yours.

[charlene323]

Originally Posted by popeye

When I get manic and visit my friends I have a habit of talking over people and interupting conversations. It is almost impossible to shut up. I am lucky to have friends that are bipolar and know what is going on with me.

I do this very same thing, and people always look at me like I'm rude.

[espritlibre]

I felt like that today popeye/charlene. I kept saying to myself (in my head, not out loud) "just stop talking, shut up, focus on your work before you start to piss people off" - then the minute anyone said something I had to comment. I wasn't even a part of the conversation 99% of the time. I just couldn't keep my mouth shut.

[kitty004567]

Ryask. I'm so glad your boss was understanding and forgiving. It sounds like you've got a good ally, someone looking out for your best interest and someone who has a clue. Telling you to go to the hospital and call your mom (and sending your mom!) are all things that someone who has someone in their life suffering with a mental condition would know to do.

As an aside: my mother showed up and let herself into my house Sunday because I did not answer her text, "Home," Saturday. She was dead sure she was going to catch me and an ex of mine in bed. I was mildly irritated and then decided it was a symbol of how much she cared (ex is bad news and she knew I was going out with him and another friend Friday night).