think you are getting better,

then you are not, then you think you are getting better, and you are not, and better, and not, better, not, better freaking not???

oh has been the cycle of the last 4 months, had I better get better, or better not think? Frussssstraaationnnnnn........... Had better not think about these flimsy hopeful days or what, get let down again.

I can't take it more, I just feel so let down to find I am not better yet. Is this called getting better. Better than what. It's just massively ridiculaous at this point.

your not alone. I feel the same way. It seems i get better but then I get worse. it is a never ending cycle.

I feel you...It doesn't help when you start getting confused about how you actually were in the past as well, which seems to happen to me at least...I guess what matters is try handle each turn of the tide as best as you can

I know what you mean ... visit the intern "oh, you are good today, very happy and to think you were crying last week ...", two days later had to take myself to hospital. I say the usual things to myself "this too shall pass", "today is a good day" or "today is good enough". Does somebody love you? Then stick it out for them.

They should rename our condition to Cycle I,CycleII,or Trycycle

I should have titled it "think again" I have been sick an entire year, no well periods in between.. Yes trycyle, good one! Get kicked before you can get back up. I am def in a negative Nelly pissed off, get off my lawn kinda mood today. I think maybe I am on the verge of c-c-cr-crash-ing ****!!! NOOOooooo

*sorry for the bad language

thats what People don't get.
Even when you're not ill you're ill.

Ibchose not to think and took some zyprexa instead.

That didn't work. Feel more down now. I have nothing to take for down. Arrrgggg so so frustrating.

Don't want to frustrate you more, but there is no "getting better". we are all simply recovering. almost like recovering from surgery, except the wound never fully heals, and the scar never fades. just like cancer, there is no cure, we are all in "remission".
So you just gotta live for the new day and take full advantage of what that new day offers. You're signature captures that concept very well

I agree 100%.

Anika, I'm really sorry to see you suffering and frustrated like this. Some books give us hope that if we just get on the right meds, it will all be over, and we will live normal functional lives. For most of us though, it seems to be a cycle race bigger than the Tour de France, with automatic registration for every event.

(((Anika)))

My old pdoc told me that he hopes BP Disorder can be cured or well-managed with one pill.

Wouldn't that be amazing? I get what you are saying though. When you are feeling better, go with it and don't question it because you just never know how long it will last.

This disorder keeps throwing curve balls at you so enjoy the good times, and try to get through the bad times.

I think I what wrote was misunderstood, I meant getting better as in, for a while. I am not better for a while the whole year has been constant up or down with no recovery at all, if am feeling ok, it lasts like a day, instead of a usual month or two for me. Hence the frustration. I haven't had such a bad year since before meds, years ago.

Ah! Sorry. We're in the same popcorn machine then.

Cute I like that, here's hoping someone turn them machine off for a while for us both!

last evening I slept for 13 hours wtf ? Ok I see where this going

Hmmmmm! For a long time I associated long sleep requirement with depression. Then recently I began craving 12 hours sleep a day. I had very mild depression switching daily with mild mania and a persistent sense of strangeness and confusion. School holidays ended and I was forced to get up after only 7 hours. Then the hallucinations and suspiciousness started.

Hopefully it doesn't mean anything for you except recovery after enough sleep.

When I get depressed I will sleep up to 18 hours a day.