[coquinarock]

I recently had an episode of dissociation and discovered upon "returning to my normal state" that I had told several people that my newborn grandson had passed away. (Fortunately, he is alive and well!) This has created untold friction between my son, DIL and myself. Also, I despise myself for being a liar and a murderer, even though it is only with my defective thought process.

My P-doc and T-doc have been very helpful in trying to help me through this dreadful mess. However, I'm still not sure how to begin to recover from this. I simply can't trust any words that come out of my mouth.

Any suggestions?

CR

The only reassurance I can give you is that I hope you find the cause of your mind going awry from your intentions and some simple comfort in the fact that there are many people out there who lie like that intentionally & don't regret it afterwards. You have no reason to feel bad. : )

[rjaimz]

Shayatanica that was excellent advise.
coquinarock, when I get into mania I have similar experiences. If someone told me the sky was blue I would swear it was green and get mad when they don't believe me. I have no idea why it happens and I feel so stupid afterward. If you figure anything out about this, please let me know.

coquinarock & rjaimz: Perhaps it's psychosis related delusions? Being convinced that something had occurred or existed that clearly hadn't. I'm sure dissociation could sometimes become a symptom of psychosis, or a way for your mind to cope with reaching a psychotic break. And not only would psychosis cause one to have false beliefs, but it also usually results in anger or aggravation when such false beliefs are challenged. Psychosis doesn't always have to be about seeing some boogeyman or hearing voices. It can be as simple as misbeliefs.

Hahaha & yeah, I suppose it's pretty good advice, considering I am one of those types of people. Figured I'd do my part.

[OneDown]

Have you discusssed anti-psychotics with your PDoc? I have similar problems with dissociation/delusions/halucinations during my depressive episodes and going on Abilify has really helped. Taking action to prevent future episodes will help lessen the anxiety and enable you to focus more on repairing the current situation, and letting your Son/DIL know that you're taking concrete steps to hopefully prevent similar episodes in the future may help with fixing the situation.

Shayatanica is right that you shouldn't feel as if you purposefully did something wrong, you can honestly lose your mind to this disease and your feeling bad about it is a sign that you're a good person who simply has some major obstacles to overcome.

I hope it all works out, let us know how it goes!

[mgran]

I think it sounds like you were worried about your grandson, and the worst thing you could imagine would be that he died. When you disociated I think you probably believed that the worst had happened. A new birth in the family is a stressful time, I think you just cracked a little bit. I really hope your son and daughter in law can understand this, and not stay mad at you about it.

I've sometimes said things that weren't true, though I obviously believed them at the time.

[coquinarock]

Thanks to everyone for the support. I am still in shock at my behavior. I've had a successful run of managing my Biploar for nearly twenty years; however, in the past two years I've had multiple rapid cycling episodes. My concern is that I will literally exhaust my healthcare providers with my constant need for treatment and care. ( I know that I'm extremely tired of dealing with it.) Effectively managing Bipolar becomes very expensive, very quickly.

My son and DIL are as understanding as they can be at this time. This dissociative thing must be rather scary for them as well. My other young adult "kids" are very worried, yet, also very supportive.

Again, thanks for your support.

CR

[coquinarock]

Yesterday, the police officer who showed up at my house after my PCP called me in as a 'missing person', told me that he remembered me from a visit to my home three months ago. I was totally humiliated because first I didn't remember having an episode three months ago. Second, because I don't want for the local police to have to remember me in that manner.

I have a couple of decades of relative (relative being the operative word) tranquility in dealing with bipolar compared to the past couple of years. I would appreciate any suggestions on how to deal with the anger and resentment that it (mixed episodes) has resurfaced as well as how to deal with the continual doctor and therapy appointments. I am beginning to feel like a 98 year old lady that has to see a doc every day. These co-pays and changes in medications are causing some serious problems for my checkbook.

Thanks